I feel nothing. Does this mean I'm depressed?
Posted , 3 users are following.
I struggled with horrible depression a year ago. It involved self-harm, suicidal tendencies and thoughts, low self-esteem, drug abuse, etc. My mind racing wouldn't stop and I'd constantly feel the bad emotions without any of the good ones. I felt so lazy and would constantly resort to marijuana for months everyday to subdue the insane thoughts.
I just realized now that I have no thoughts and no emotions, it seems like. The confusing part is that I am so productive and go to the gym often. I don't get angry at politics anymore or the way people treat me. When people talk to about their problems I space out. I also find myself faking reactions to "fit it" at school. I don't feel happy and I don't feel sad; I feel nothing. I am so confused because even at my darkest days when I felt "numb" I never felt like THIS. I don't know if I should just be okay with this or go to my psychiatrist.
Before I overcame the depression completely, I would cut myself while attempting to repress my sadness. I would also masturbate until I felt nothing. I would constantly beat myself up over not being able to push myself hard enough while working out and would have a restrictive diet. Could this be the reason I feel nothing?
I don't have low self-esteem and am not reliant on weed anymore. I don't feel lazy, but more productive. I don't have awful anxiety or thoughts. I don't feel bad about eating. I feel involuntarily asexual and kinda emotionless.
1 like, 1 reply
IamAnna TopDawgEnt
Posted
I think maybe feeling numb and nothing might be part of the journey towards wellness. You are taking good care of yourself, and if faking till you make it works then that's great. See your psych if you have one and draw strength and hope from him or her. I am sure other amazing people on this forum will also add their opinions.
Blessings to you friend
Anna