I feel so down, depressed and suicidal all the time

Posted , 5 users are following.

I'm 16, female. I have a boyfriend (19 male) who's depressed and takes pills for it. I do everything for him, to help him through the day. It's very wearing. He doesn't mean it but he often takes it out on me, which was fine but it's slowly been grinding me down to the point where I can't cope any longer.

I haven't had a great start. My dad was always disapproving of everything I did and my mum was incredibly irritable. She went through the menopause when I went through puberty and that's caused lies of arguments. She was 39 when she had me and was the youngest of 6 kids. So all my cousins are into their 30s, some into their 40s. I don't fit in. I don't have any friends at college and my parents are recently split which adds to the tension in the house. I'm overweight and ugly and honestly, I feel so worthless and small.

I could keep going but honestly, I just give up with everything. I want to die and I don't see a way out of this.

2 likes, 4 replies

Report / Delete

4 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi PrincessHurst

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    Kindest regards

    Patient

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hello

    You are still very young  at sixteen and your boyfriend who is not very well may be using His condition to blackmail you to look after him. You need to understand you have your own problems as you need to attend your course and education. If you are helping him you have admitted He is HARD WORK. Discuss your needs and expectations with Him and if things do not change you may need to part ways. You are very young and this period of your life is important to your future happiness. Many family members may advise same.

    When I attended college at sixteen I made the same error I was engaged and both of us where studying complex courses, something had to brake and we fell behind in our studies. We both tried to study together and that did not work. Eventually I stopped my education as did my Partner and that prevented both of us from following our dream. I understand my ex partner returned to college five years later and I began a course that was not as inclusive than the first

    I do not know why your parents had disapproved all I can thing is you may not have been getting on with your studies and the stress of their relationship at a very negative time for your Mother

    One problem we do have, with first relationships we loose those friends who we have had over the years, we dote on our partners and become very insular. This may lead you feeling worthless, small and other problems your Partner has inferred to keep you down and maintaining your attention all the time

    You can do very little regards your Parents although I do feel you are questioning your self worth. Given that talk to your Uni Student Welfare or your GP. a course of CBT may help you gain back your positive feelings

    If you feel the need of Suicide, do not go there it is a mugs game and you have a great deal to live for.

    Contact NHS Information Line on Tel 111 in the UK and explain how you are feeling and they will help you

    Please do not get diverted from your education, you are worth more than that and you will have a bright future that is now waiting for you,

    Merry Christmas

    BOB

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Princess. I am so sorry that you are so depressed and down and it does not help that your boyfriend is depressed and says mean things to you. Just because he is down does not give him the right to say degrading things to you. 

    I have a feeling that if you had people to support you that you would set boundaries with him like...I care for you..I will help you but you cannot say things that out me down and lower my self esteem. If you don't stop I will have to make some changes. 

    Depression makes us see ourselves in a less than positive way. Don't believe it. I hope you will see your GP and tell them what you said here and get help for yourself. Write back please. Diane. 

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Princess - I'm sorry to read that you are suffering. Well, the root of the problem is the treatment you received at he hands of your parents - particularly you father it would seem. Being belittled and made top feel worthless in our childhood damages the foundations of self esteem. Who  we are and our perception of ourselves has usually solidified by the age of seven. To break that pattern is very difficult and takes a conscious and determined effort. the fact is that the abusive parent(s) have a hold over their victims life until that person recognises the damage and acts to address the problem. You have continued this pattern with the choice of boyfriend - a depressive who takes his illness out on you because you let him which reinforces his dominance which feeds your low self esteem and the circle goes on and on. 

    The vision you have of yourself has been taught to you. Endless wheedling and insults have usurped who you really are and make you see fat and ugly and worthless - because they told you so, indoctrinated you.

    Princess, the first - and perhaps in this situation, the only - person you have to help is yourself. To change circumstance we address what it is we truly want, what steps are to be taken to implement the change, and an environment conducive to allowing us to focus on changing what we think and feel. The first step is to see the doc. Explain what you are feeling and that you need help. Ask for a referral to a psychologist/therapist or counsellor where you can dig out all the childhood trauma - it needs to be addressed and relegated the correct place in your world and your thinking. The next is to explain to your family and boyfriend what is happening and that this is the way it will be. If they are dismissive, insulting or unhelpful, walk away. And don't bother them with it again. Use the therapists office as your dumping ground, the place where you can say anything. When you are feeling better (meds may have been prescribed - they are a tool , not an answer) reassess what you want in the personal realm. If your boyfriend is weighing you down, get away from him. Your parents problems between themselves are theirs to worry about. Don't buy into it - you are too busy creating your new life. 

    If you take action, a year or so down the track, you will be amazed at the difference you have made in your life. The alternative is to continue along the same road constantly expecting something different, constantly disappointed when it doesn't come. Same circle, round and round and around...

    Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up