I feel so helpless ,as if the whole world against me. How do I get rid of depression?

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My mom is a single mom, she works morning til afternoon which makes me just want to just think that all the things she does is okay because she’s worked so hard partially for me.. But, sometimes that’s not the case. I’m 14, and I’m homeschooled. My mom is.. let’s say a hard person to talk to..She got me homeschooled because she doesn’t trust me, I really don’t know what the hell she thinks I’ll do but it’s pretty depressing, I’m not allowed to have social media but I still have accounts for various of them.. looking at my Instagram feed I notice what a whole new world I’m missing, and at the back of my head I sort of just say “this is what my mom took away from me”. You could consider myself as the one of the most loneliest person ever and I’m not even exaggerating. I have about just 5 friends which we don’t even talk a lot, considering the fact that I don’t have classmates. My mom is extremely religious which isn’t bad but sometimes her being way too religious just makes her want to sort of manipulate me into becoming her own puppet, she compares me to her friends children where she thinks her life would’ve been better off with them, like my life was an accident, like she’s disowning me.. I can’t wear a t shirt unless there’s a jacket on top of it (we’re Christians) I can’t talk to a guy unless he’s someone my mom knows, I can’t make friends I want to be friends with cause she thinks I make bad friends just cause they’re socially active, so she picks my friends which are normally 3-4 years younger than me or older but with some physiological problem cause one of them is 18 and grade 7, whenever I get a text from someone she just opens it no matter what happens like if my life were at stake and the only way to save me was to not look at the text message she still would (not really but it seems like it) honestly I just want my mom to realize I’m only human, I can’t be that perfect godly daughter she wants me to be.. i remember Christmas.. from the moment Sat down I started crying my eyes out because of how unhappy I was at that time and it just got worse and worse ever since I started crying almost everyday.. New year I cried the most.. I just wanted to change the way I was living but I couldn’t because my mom is a huge hindrance to all the things I want in life.. I’m so lonely, I’m so deprived of a lot of things people my age would’ve already experienced.. I have more to the reasons why I’m depressed but if I wrote it all down I wouldn’t get any responses cause no ones would want to read somethings that long.. I want to start a new life.. a new beginning.. I don’t want to live like this anymore..Please help me.. I can’t take it anymore.. I’m really not exaggerating.. ):

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey Kathrynne. Damn that sounds really terrible, I'm sorry to hear that. Do you have any siblings? Only child? She seems really overprotective of you in a bad way. She's making important life desicions for you and that's not okay. I honestly got mad at your mother even though I don't know her because what she's doing is not okay in any way. You're so young. You don't deserve that s**t. What about your dad, if he's around. What's his opinion on this? Do you even believe in god or is that forced as well? She's really destroying you and she should be stopped. This is your life and she might be your mother but you're a human being and you have your own opinions, thoughts and desires! No one have the right to control you no matter how old you are, there are boundaries of course but what she's doing to you is going way too far. Have you talked with her or someone else about this? I bet you're a great person and I hope the best for you.

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    • Posted

      Thankyou so much! my dad had left me when I was just weeks old, ever since then I’ve never seen him.. I actually don’t believe in god either but I just pretend to just cause maybe when I grow up I can decide that for myself.. omg yay I’m glad somone actually does understand  kinda made my day
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    • Posted

      Either way it's your life and you have the right to make your own decision, believe in whoever you want to, be friends with whoever you want to ect.. I wonder if your mom even understand that what she's doing to you is emotionally abusive. I hope you'll figure it out eventually and feel better.

      Good day xx

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  • Posted

    I’m glad you have this site as an outlet.  It does sound like you are being over controlled.  How old are you?   The good news it won’t always be like this .  It may seem like it but at some point you will be of age and she will not be able to be so controlling.  

    Maybe you should strongly suggest that you want to go back to public school.  Ask your mother what it would take on your part to make that happen. 

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    • Posted

      I’m 14 and still young which is one of the reasons I feel like I’m missing out on things an average 14 y.o would’ve had I’ve already tried almost everyyy reason u could look for, but the thing is, like even my cousins have noticed, when my mom wants something she ain’t never gonna change her mind specially if u disagree with her..
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  • Posted

    Hi it sounds like your mum loves you very much but is so scared of the outside world that she feels she has to protect you from it.  It is more her problem than yours but she is projecting her feelings on to you which isn't helpful or right.

    Do you think she would let your more socially aware friends visit you at your home?  Can you have a grown up conversation with her where you can stay calm and talk to her without getting into an argument?  Point out that you are growing up and you need to be learning about the world and being allowed (within reason coz you are very young yet) to go out and about in it.  She is doing you a disservice by keeping you so isolated. 

    Is there any adult you can confide in?  A family member maybe?   I think this is a case where another adult needs to intervene on your behalf as this to a certain amount is child abuse.  x

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    • Posted

      Sometimes though, I really feel like she was just forced to love me just because I’m her daughter, like 5 seconds ago she told me I was a huge shame/disgrace towards her “name” which Is making me feel like I’m drowning in a box.. I’d love to get treated but the thing is, I don’t really want my family members to know about my depression because I do care about my mom and if I tell them they’d have a different image of my mom, and me.
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    • Posted

      What about my other option then?  Trying to have a grown up chat with her?  Why would your family have a different image of your mother?  Would they think she (and you) are failures because you suffer from depression? 

      If you don't try and change your situation it won't change and you will just have to wait until you are old enough to leave home and live your life the way you want.  x

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  • Posted

    Hi Kathrynne. So, so sorry you have been going through all of this! I can only imagine how it feels to feel like you have no control over any aspect of your life. sad You can always talk to us on this forum, pretty sure you can even private message if you'd like to talk personally.. I am not too much older than you so I partially understand. I understand the feelings you feel even if not for the same reasons. Loneliness, hopelessness.. it is no fun!

    ?Remember that you are still very young and once you grow older your mother will not have this type of control over you. This is only temporary.. truly as soon as you turn 18+ if you still feel this way you can go off on your own and pretty much say "f you mom." That can be your new life and new beginning and I'm sure it will be glorious.

    ?Do you have any family you may be able to reach out who could possibly understand better? A grandparent? Aunt/uncle? A cousin your age? Or are they all the same way? Reach out if you need anything.. can always talk to me. I'm 18 with anxiety and depression so I understand how hopeless you must feel, just not for the same reasons. I promise it will get better!! xx

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