Posted , 7 users are following.
Hi anybody who reads this.
Ive been trying to go online, in forums etc and look for understanding as to how the mind works. Im naturally a bit anxious and a person who experiences really strong emotions (both good and bad) I can feel both really happy and then utterly devastated, it doesnt have to be related to anything especial having happened, its like it comes from "within" me, and feelings are out of my control most times. I usually function really well and i have learned to live with myself, ups and downs. Have never been diagnosed with anything or medicated.
The thing is every other year or so, i get worse or more prolonged episodes of anxiety. I am in the middle of one of these things right now. It can start with something fairly minor, like having been stressed out a lot or dwelling on some problem or past events. And i get stuck. Anxiety has moved in 24-7. Its like i have awoken in a whole new world- a world that is nothing like it was yesterday. Its all dark and grim and filled with bad memories. I start to feel intense guilt over events long gone, doubts in myself and anxiety through most of the day bordering fullblown panic at times. I engage in negative thinking patterns, feel unable to experience postive emotions about things i normally do, feel like i am not loved and my boyfriend will leave me for being "crazy". I will go so far as to think i was never meant to be born. Irrational thoughts i know, but they feel so strong and real. I lose my apetite and my sleep suffers. I can go to sleep, but i awake in the wee hours of the morning, anxious and unable to go back to sleep. I dont recognize myself and i dont feel like "me". This in itself is very scary. Right now i have been feeling this way for about a week, nothing especial has happened that has been unexpected for me.
I did have similar bouts in the past, and did then seek out a medical attention several times, but i wasnt taken seriously. Eventually i got a small prescription for a benzodiazepine, which i took very carefully and only when needed. The last time i felt as bad as this, it lasted about a month and then it was like i one morning woke up and felt "normal" again. My true feelings came back and i could sleep and eat perfectly fine again, any more severe anxiety hasnt occured for a prolonged time until now (2 years later). I realize that this is a long post, and may be all to incoherent or uninteresting to read, but maybe someone does. Im just wondering how this can be so, that my anxiety lifts on its own like that? Does the mind finally just give up and cant go on in such a state? Many people on forums relating to anxiety seem to suffer for so long and not so to speak "naturally heal" (for the time being).
If nobody replies to this thats fine, it elt good to get off my chest though. I dont have a lot of people around me who "get" mental health issues and understand anxiety. They more or less consider me "too dramatic".
Hugs to all you people out there who help others using forums, ur great!
1 like, 23 replies