I have been depressed for 6 weeks diagnosed, 3 diagnosed.

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hello

I just have a question I am hoping someone is able to answer because I honestly hate the way I am feeling right now.

I have always been a happy person, I am the biggest worry wart but I am a happy worry wart. In the past month and a half I have felt sick going to work, I couldn't get out of bed some days to go, I finally got up on a sick leave and will not be returning for a while well I sort out what to do but that isn't my major issue.

Since I start feeling this way I have started to doubt my relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together for 6 years and I have always loved him, he is my best friend and I always look forward to spending time with him. We bought a house two years ago and things have been good. 2016 was hard but I don't think it was easy for anyone.  

But now I feel like I don't love him, like he will be better off without me, like I don't deserve him, that everything for the past 6 years has been a complete lie and I was never happy with him. I always saw our future together and now I can't see past this year. It breaks my heart and causing me to cry more often then I want too when I have these thoughts, he has been my rock and the one who encouraged me to get help and he is constantly worried about me, he works shift work so when he is on nights I am worse then when he is on days.

I can't imagine him not in my life and losing him would be my biggest regret in life but my head won't fully let me love him. Some moments I can and others are filled with doubt that I don't love him anymore and I don't want to be with him. I don't know where I would go or what I would do but I am just looking for answers.

He is my first serious boyfriend, I am 28 years old but I can't imagine that this is it for us, I mean 6 years I imagined our lives together and now since the depression nothing. What is going on with me? Are these feelings completely normal or is it something else?

1 like, 12 replies

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    Hello Nicole,

    If you have not been depressed other times in your life I can understand why these thoughts of feelings would be frightening for you. Has anyone ever said to you "That sounds like the Depression talking?" That is what my thereapist says to me when I start thinking/saying things like "someone would be better off without me.

     

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    • Posted

      Yes, it's like when a friend says, "That sounds like your mother talking" when you say something that is not your true voice but that parent inside your head affecting your thinking.

      Depression is similar. When you are DEEP in depression that voice SOUNDS genuine--it sounds like Truth, but it is the Depression speaking.

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    • Posted

      You wont hun just remember make big decisions when ur well not before xx when u come out of the dark place ur in ryt now u will remember why u love him. & if not which i doubt u will be making those decisions in sound mind xxx m. ;0)

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  • Posted

    Hi nicole everything youre feeling is classic that goes along with depression. U doubt everything that you once loved because you feel a burden and worthless right now. Im typing this going thru yet another bout of severe depression & have given up & luckily found love again when the sadness & the black hole u feel ur in & would be better off alone in is gone u will see once again ur still in love. And if not make no rash decisions till your fully well. Its a horrid feeling, my worst part being severe anxiety making me feel a burden. Hope u feel better soon. M :0) x

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    • Posted

      Can depression also tell you that you don't want to be with him? I don't have a reason I just woke up today, came down the stairs & my mind just went "you don't love him anymore, you don't want to be with him"

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    • Posted

      Yeah, it makes you doubt everyone, everything u love. U feel everyone would be better off without u. I went from loving and hating my partner within hours. Then the guilt of feeling that way made me feel worse xxxx
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  • Posted

    It would seem this is not unusual, when depressed we do ourselves down and wonder why we are so happy, also why would my partner be as happy as He may seem.

    Get yourself sorted, you should be married by now Lol. 

    Six years is a long time and there must be some reason He has stayed with you, could it be He loves you and would walk over red hot coals to same you from the heat.

    Let yourself become better before you make big changes to your life. Believe me I disappeared from a family that should have known better. You have the chance of your first love who thinks the world of you

    BOB

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot. I have never gone through depression or even known anyone close to me that ever had depression (or told me they had depression) so this is all new to me and I just feel so lost. I don't know why I hadn't seen your message until now but thank you

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    • Posted

      Hi nicole i last replied to u on here last week & hoped you were ok. ? Has anything eased between u & ur partner? Hope ur feeling better knowing you have people u can talk to on here xx i certainly do. Its helping me by trying to help others going through the same xx im new to the forum, & dont feel so alone anymore x :0) hugs.

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