I have been drinking heavily lately just to be happy

Posted , 6 users are following.

Since the new year, due to issues at home and my s****y life in general I’ve just been so unhappy all the time. I’m 19 and work a minimum wage job, Ive quit six form and college due to just being depreesssd and not having any motivation to do the work. I’m f**k ugly and i feel like my life is going absolutely nowhere. 

I see myself putting on a mask everyday and having a fake personality to everyone I see. At night I’ll come home wait until I’m alone and just drink myself into happiness not because I want to but because I feel like I need to, to stay sane. 

I doubt anyone will see this and whoever does is going to think I’m f*****g insane.  I just hope that the alcohol kills me off quicker so i can I can leave this s**thole of a life.

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Sorry to hear you are feeling like this Andrew!! 

    Can you jot down the things that are really making you miserable? Can you eliminate any to help? Can you find another job? Can you resolve your family issues?!? 

    Depression is not a nice thing. Drinking may seem like it’s helping at the time but it’s really just a sugar coat over what the real issues are. 

    Do you have anyone you can confide in?? I hope you’re ok. 

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  • Posted

    Hi Andrew,

    So sorry to hear how you're feeling. You're definitely not insane. It is SO SO draining having to pretend everyday. I'm in the same position as you in a shxtty paid job having to paint on a smile everyday when really I'd be delighted if the place burnt to the ground. 

    The fact you've quit sixth form is a positive thing - you've identified something that made you unhappy & you changed it, already you're braver than most - alot of people your age & older can't even bring themselves to make such decisions. Look for a better paid job while you're there(I know it's hard to find a shred of motivation when depression takes hold) - hopefully when you've got more money coming in & a job you don't hate you will feel so much better.

    I do think you should speak to a doctor about how you're feeling & don't sugarcoat anything be 100% honest, might take meds or counselling or therapy or all 3 but it's worth trying anything to see what works. Have you got friends or parents you can talk to? I know talking about it might be the last thing you wanna do but you just need to be pulled out of how you're feeling right now so you can see things clearly cos it's hard to be pro-active when you constantly feel like a pile of shxt.

    You're definitely not alone - most of us have felt or still do feel the way you do. Just take each day as it comes don't worry about the future or put any pressure on yourself. Message me anytime x 

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  • Posted

    i don't think you are f*****g insane. your post reminded me so much of myself. many drink to numb uncomfortable feelings or situations. as i did...and sometimes still do. but alchohol is not the only solution to feel better. i am way older than you and have been on meds and in therapy for over half my life. i am doing much better. you can too. don't let that stuff ruin your young life. hopefully you'll get some other replies to help you out or inspire you to maybe consult a professional. you don't need to suffer so much alone. many will understand you. you're in my thoughts i wish you well.

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  • Posted

    Hi andrew70851

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    Kindest regards


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  • Posted

    Hi why should we think you insane?  There is not a person in the world who hasn't gone through some bad times and done things maybe they shouldn't.  We are human being and are all fallible after all.

    Alcohol will cause short term happiness but in the long term does completely the opposite.  Did you know it is a depressant in itself and contributes to depression?  it can also lead to alcoholism and you don't want to go down that road.

    If you haven't yet seen a doctor and got some help then do so.  Meds and/or counselling should help you sort your thoughts out.  x

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  • Posted

    Hi Andrew - sorry to read of your situation. You are self medicating to numb yourself to the agony inside. The booze is nothing more than a insufficient band aid. Gradually you will need more and more to reach the state of "happiness" and before you know it, the booze has taken over your life and keeping it together becomes more and more difficult. It is also a fact that alcohol is a depressant - strange to say when having a jar brightens things up. The alcohol leaches minerals and vitamins from the system. It ages you. The more you rely on it to feel better or to function, the more it will control your life. It's not a nice way to live. How do i know? Because I self medicated for decades - even worked in an industry where I had keys to massive amounts of alcohol. Drugs followed. I was in my forties when i finally stood up to the depression and started the journey of understanding, treating and managing a life long depressive disorder that i had tripped over myself to deny existed. 

    You are young. A whole life ahead. You live in an age where mental health issues are not treated as some demonic visit or punishment from a psychopathic god, where the sufferer must be bound, gagged and locked away from sight or acknowledgement to suffer alone until death. 

    Make an appointment with your doctor. Discuss what is happening. Be honest. Medications may be prescribed to help balance your mood while therapy can be used to dig down to any issues that may be causing or exacerbating how you are feeling. Meanwhile we are always here to talk.

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