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I have been feeling suicidal.

Posted , 5 users are following.

tel37267
tel37267

it usually happens on and off, with stress with school and work, but I recently decided to tell my mom and she ended up saying she would kill her self too if I did. She also said If she did my life would be better and I would have insurance and stuff. I now feel like I am even more guilty.

It is really messing with my head and I always said I would  never tell my mom I'm fear of this happening. She just made it about her self and never asked why i felt this way. I have been super nauseated over the past few days because of stress. I also now noticed that she has been drinking wine a lot more. I'm just at a loss  at the moment.

1 like, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • bildo
    bildo tel37267

    Posted

    Best to focus on yourself since she isn't your responsibility, even if she is family, not your responsibility. Best cut her off, nothing good can come from toxic people. You definitely need to talk to someone you trust whether thats another family member, friend or professional. Look after yourseslf, things will get better. If your mum is overall being toxic to you, you need to get out of there if you live together and start afresh.
    • tel37267
      tel37267 bildo

      Posted

      was thinking this and telling my therapist whenever I share something it always gets turned against me. I don't know if she truly cRs because she says I don't care about her and I'm ungrateful when all I want to do is help and it's the only reason why not succeeding in school gets to me
  • Digsby
    Digsby tel37267

    Posted

    Hi buddy,

    I had a negative mindset throughout my adolescent years and by the time I got to university when I was 18, I was very confused and low. I attempted suicide and I confessed this to my Mum at the end of term (she was divorced and I still lived at home). I remember that she went nuts (I'm sure it's the last thing that a parent ever wants to hear). We weren't very close any way but I felt really alone and let down. She did come round eventually but it has always made me wary of sharing my feelings. I had no idea but my Mum told me that she had attempted suicide when she was a teenager so I guess she was reacting to the pain that she had been carrying ever since that experience. Therapy during my adulthood has taught me to share with friends and family again but only in small doses (giving them a manageable amount of information that isn't going to overwhelm them). I save the really "heavy" stuff for psychotherapists and health professionals who are unshockable and emotionally detached from my situation. It sounds as if it might be helpful for you to find someone to whom you can unburden your feelings without the risk of an emotional reaction (perhaps a school counsellor?) Of course you can always share openly on this forum too. We all carry our emotional pain with us and are learning to deal with it the best way we can and sometimes that means allowing other people to share the load. Don't feel alone just because you haven't received a helpful reaction from those closest to you. Your Mum is obviously dealing with her own "stuff" at the moment and you need to concentrate on yourself. Take care.

    • tel37267
      tel37267 Digsby

      Posted

      Yea, I didn't want to tell her but she forced me to she was on the verge of kicking me out and demanded I tell her. Btw I'm 20 ATM and I'm not really stable financially/EmotionAlly to live on my own. I do speak to a therapist but she is off for vacation and will return in 1 month. I knew she would flip if I told her but now I feel like I can't ever feel for myself without worrying about she is gonna react with because I never think about her in her eyes.
    • hypercat
      hypercat Digsby

      Posted

      That's a fantastic reply Digsby and much better than mine.  Bev xx
    • Digsby
      Digsby hypercat

      Posted

      Thanks Bev. We all do the best we can to help others in need.

      Hope you are starting to feel better. Big hug xx

    • hypercat
      hypercat Digsby

      Posted

      Well some are better at it than others Digsby and I always admire people who can find the write words when I struggle so much.  

      I feel a little better thanks and the suicidal feelings have subsided a bit but they have been replaced with an 'I don't give a s...t'  attitude and a desire to isolate myself from other people and consequently pain.   I have gone very much inside myself and trying not to think or feel too much.

      I have also been suffering from stomach pains for the past 10 days (on and of) at the moment and haven't a clue what's causing it.  

      How are you?  Bev x

  • hypercat
    hypercat tel37267

    Posted

    Hi your mum is bang out of order - what a thing to say to her own daughter.  Do you think she is suffering from depression?  Has she ever been treated for it?   Is it possible for you or another relative to have a chat with her?   Or a good friend of hers?  

    If you are still at school there must be a counsellor there you could talk to.  It is much too big for you to deal with it on your own.  Or how about seeing your doctor and getting some advice?   

    You are not to blame for your mums words you know and have no reason to feel guilty.  I know that's very hard not to though. 

    Thoughts of suicide are a red flag that something is very wrong.   x

  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 tel37267

    Posted

    Most likely your mom has a battle of her own going on as well. Just because you have a child doesnt mean the parents dont have issues of their own. Dont be too harsh on her try and realize she cant teach you something or help you with something if shes passing through it as well. She would not have the stregnth or knowledge to do so. It is great you are in therapy, hoprfully your mom is too. I doubt she said that to you to  consciously make it about herself, she got really scared most likely and wouldnt want anything to happen to you ever. 

     

  • maya90818
    maya90818 tel37267

    Posted

    Hey, i feel you. I hope u will get better.. suicide is never answer, believe me.. we dont know nature of death... what if we will be still depressed there..

    My mother told me - are u normal.. what do i do to u to feel like that..

    So i know that feeling.. she turned it about herself too. But we must stay strong, sister.❤

    Life can and will be beautiful. Its just bad time...but everything will be ok, i believe in u.

    U need to talk to ur mother and tell her that it hurts u that she turn everything to herself.. and that she need to stop drinming a lot if she want to have good mother child relationship.

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