I have been suffering with depression for 4 years

Posted , 9 users are following.

My ex husband is due to marry my sister in 4 months time, It has caused a huge rift in our family. When they got together I tried to commit suicide and as a consequence my daughter had to go live with them. I lost my husband daughter and sister in 1 foul swoop.My daughter came back to live with me after 6 months but things are not good.  I have recently started a relationship with an old boyfriend from 20 years ago who also left me for someone else. They have 2 children and I am unable to accept it. He has given me the ultimatum accept them or its over. I dont know whether I am trying to punish him for depriving me of having children with him.

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  • Posted

    I just gasped as I read of your troubles. The fallout from my sister and my brother in law devorcing was bad, but your troubles. . . What can I say? I have nothing in my experience to give me words. How I feel for you. i hope someone will respond and be able to help you.
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  • Posted

    Tracy,

    i can can not begin to feel your pain, you have my heart felt compassion at this time. The only thing I can suggest is that you seek some form of counselling to help you through. Your GP may be able to arrange this because you are at risk of losing control. I wish you courage and strength and hope you keep in touch so we can help in any way.

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  • Posted

    Oh it must be so difficult for you knowing your ex husband is marrying your sister.  I assume they had an affair whilst yoiu were still married, and that is what caused the rift in your family.  I am so sorry.  I am really really sorry that it hit you so hard and you attempted to take your own life. 

    Does your new partner see his children often?  I have been in a similar situation wherre the children of my partner could not accept me at all.  But my daughter, on the other hand, is with a man who has three boys and she has a good relationshipn with them and they accept her, even though they live with their mother.  I suppose it all depends on the people involved.

    Depression is a very difficult illness to live with, so that is affecting your relationship too I expexct.  Is your new partner supportive?  Have you asked yourself why you find it difficult to accept his children, and sounds like you have discussed it with him.

    I suppose you have to decide what you want.  Does he want children with you?  Have you discussed that?  Do you think your depression is part of the problem?  I know I have lost relationships because of depression.  Don't be like me, and live alone for 30 years because the illness took away so much from you.  Try and work thinngs out. 

    I cannot help you with this as it is a personal thing between you and your partner, and you are the only person who can resolve this.  Sorry I cannot help more.  I do feel for you.

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  • Posted

    This might sound stale, but here goes. It has hit you hard no doubt, all of it, but it boils down to choices. You have a duty to your daughter depending on her age. But your sister, her new husband to be, you old recycled bf and the rest of your family are all choices. Only you can decide if there is any kind of relationship you can have with any one of them.
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  • Posted

    I think you have every reason to be depressed, good grief, I can't imagine anything worse happening to me.  I cannot tell you how shocked I was to read your post.

    Can I ask you if your depression was showing evidence before any of this terrible stuff happened to you?  Also can I ask if you are seeking any professional help?  Even if your depression is brought on by these terrible circumstances, there will be help available.  Please, please look for that help in any form.

    My heart goes out to you.  I wish you peace and happiness.  I am so sorry that I can't help more.

    Pat xxxxxxxx

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  • Posted

    Thankyou all for replying to me. Yes I had started suffering with depression before the break down of my marriage. My daughter who is now 15 had started refusing to go to school. It was a constant battle. It was like living in a war zone. I was put on Citalopram 40mg after my attempted suicide but about 8months ago I felt they werent working for me now I take Fluoxetine. I am unable to have children with my new partner/ old one as we are both now in our 40's. I feel like everything is unravelling, I am trying to hold down a full time job, my daughter still refuses to go to school. She has CAMHS involved. Its constant appts, work and obviously due to family dynamics her father is not involved (his choice) as he has little contact with her.
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  • Posted

    I read your post and laughed! Not because it's funny, but because it puts my own rift with my brother, which is upsetting me a great deal at the moment, into perspective. I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. I know someone else this happened to - it just beggars belief. I can imagine how hard the next 4 months will be, and how much you are dreading the date, you have all my sympathy. Do try to get some professional support, it will help more than we can.

    The only thing I would question is whether it is wise to go back to a man who left you once before, and with whom you still have unresolved issues. I understand you are feeling vulnerable at the moment and don't want to be alone, but this could just make things worse. I have sort of a similar situation in that my ex got someone else pregnant (a previous partner) while he was with me, and she had the child. This was after telling me that he didn't want a baby - essentially taking away my last chance (I was 40 yrs old). He is still in love with me, and wants to marry me, but I can't bring myself to meet his son (now 4 years old). It's not because I'm trying to punish him, because I've done my share of that, and we are friends now, but I know that this would always get in the way. Don't blame yourself for resenting him, it's completely understandable but do be honest with yourself, and if you can't accept his children, move on to someone you don't have a history with. You deserve a better relationship this time round.  

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  • Posted

    im sorry for your situation, theyve treated you terribly and should be ashamed of themselves.

    i dont have children nor does my husband but i can see how difficult it must be for you, everyone has a past, can you forgive and forget? just think if you had stayed with him and ad children with him you would not have your daughter you have now...everything happens for a reason..the fact that he hasnt just left and has said you have to decide means he must truley care about you and wants things to work....i hope you find the happiness that you deserve x

     

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