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Hi everyone ,i'm 23 years old girl i've been battling with depression 3 years now and i was on and off with cipralex and other medication, my improvement was remarkable in the last year,,i was so cheerful and hopeful, realistic and amazingly satisfied with my achievements and overall myself i have reached to the highest levels of confidence that i've been envied a lot about it, i was so in peace with my "middle eastern" culture,
so after a whole year of taking the cipralex i ceased it gradually but in that time i was having major changes in my life and i'm not good with any kind of changes, but I stopped taking the medication anyway and now i'm literally in hell ..i am dying and i want to die ,, i'm so confused and i'm so sad, and the life i'm living now is in the extremes , i wake up one day and i'm so so so so excited and happy cheerful and energetic and i swear i become ready to even clean the city's streets, and the next minute second or sometime day i become the most saddest person on earth. i barely go to work and often i don't..i become too angry at the world and i start to talk and talk sometimes i feel like my words are not saying what's on my mind and get angrier, mostly i have such problem solving in this phase like i start to talk about some educational problem and then i start to solve it with over excitement mixed with anger , or sometimes i become so sad and quiet and crying the whole day for no apparent or rational reason except my jealousy of my fiancé's achievements and i feel like i'm stupid and worthless and spoiled and the dilemma of "you're woman" in my culture..
and now i feel so self-steamless..i get easily embarrassed for silly things at work , like when my preceptor will correct me "i'm an intern" or i do something wrong he's so nice and say it with humor but my face blushes then i get nervous about it then i try my best to hide it which is so embarrassing. i feel now like i'm inferior.. no matter what i don no matter what i say i always suppress myself and i don't know why, i've tried to write down the things i appreciate myself about but it's not helping..i can't concentrate i feel like there is a dark black cloud in my mind preventing me from thinking like literally having difficulty to run my daily routine lately i don't know what to start with i'm losing my time management skills and I can't concentrate in writings which I was prefect at, i get easily distracted like at work the treatment area "the gym" is open for all the patient I forget about my patient I start to look around at the other patients
i feel like i'm prisoner of my mood swinging i'm really tired i'm so tired and exhausted of it..
i know it's typical kind of feelings to feel in this age especially when you about to make critical decisions in your life..but honestly it's so hard and I don't know if I'm really mentally ill and I need help again, or just I'm making it up because I want attention or trying to find excuses for myself to be "lazy". please help me..
Sorry about the grammar or spilling mistakes
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