i have extreme emotions that i can't control
Posted , 4 users are following.
Hi everyone ,i'm 23 years old girl i've been battling with depression 3 years now and i was on and off with cipralex and other medication, my improvement was remarkable in the last year,,i was so cheerful and hopeful, realistic and amazingly satisfied with my achievements and overall myself i have reached to the highest levels of confidence that i've been envied a lot about it, i was so in peace with my "middle eastern" culture,
so after a whole year of taking the cipralex i ceased it gradually but in that time i was having major changes in my life and i'm not good with any kind of changes, but I stopped taking the medication anyway and now i'm literally in hell ..i am dying and i want to die ,, i'm so confused and i'm so sad, and the life i'm living now is in the extremes , i wake up one day and i'm so so so so excited and happy cheerful and energetic and i swear i become ready to even clean the city's streets, and the next minute second or sometime day i become the most saddest person on earth. i barely go to work and often i don't..i become too angry at the world and i start to talk and talk sometimes i feel like my words are not saying what's on my mind and get angrier, mostly i have such problem solving in this phase like i start to talk about some educational problem and then i start to solve it with over excitement mixed with anger , or sometimes i become so sad and quiet and crying the whole day for no apparent or rational reason except my jealousy of my fiancé's achievements and i feel like i'm stupid and worthless and spoiled and the dilemma of "you're woman" in my culture..
and now i feel so self-steamless..i get easily embarrassed for silly things at work , like when my preceptor will correct me "i'm an intern" or i do something wrong he's so nice and say it with humor but my face blushes then i get nervous about it then i try my best to hide it which is so embarrassing. i feel now like i'm inferior.. no matter what i don no matter what i say i always suppress myself and i don't know why, i've tried to write down the things i appreciate myself about but it's not helping..i can't concentrate i feel like there is a dark black cloud in my mind preventing me from thinking like literally having difficulty to run my daily routine lately i don't know what to start with i'm losing my time management skills and I can't concentrate in writings which I was prefect at, i get easily distracted like at work the treatment area "the gym" is open for all the patient I forget about my patient I start to look around at the other patients
i feel like i'm prisoner of my mood swinging i'm really tired i'm so tired and exhausted of it..
i know it's typical kind of feelings to feel in this age especially when you about to make critical decisions in your life..but honestly it's so hard and I don't know if I'm really mentally ill and I need help again, or just I'm making it up because I want attention or trying to find excuses for myself to be "lazy". please help me..
Sorry about the grammar or spilling mistakes
1 like, 6 replies
lynda70899 nouf88482
Posted
i am so sorry you are going through all of this. When did you stop your meds. What were you on and what dosage?
lynda
nouf88482 lynda70899
Posted
i took other medication in the first year but it made me feel worse and i can't sleep when i take it so the doctor asked me to stop it i really don't recall its name
forrest nouf88482
Posted
Sorry to here your going through all of these emotional ups and downs.
I think you've made the first step by joining this forum and seeking help. The second step would be to have a read of some of the other discussions taking place if you haven't already. We are all in it together for a better peace of mind.
hypercat nouf88482
Posted
I am a bit concerned with your use of the words 'people used to envy you' and you were 'perfect at writing'. Are you being too much of a perfectionist and setting too high standards for yourself? No one is ever 'perfect' at anything including you. You can be good or very good but never perfect.
Have you ever had counselling? Is it available in your country? I think this would help you a lot to sort your feelings out and reintroducing a sense of reality. x
nouf88482 hypercat
Posted
yes i do have a problem with perfection ..i expect a lot of myself in unrealistic way..i'm arrogant when it comes to myself..i feel like i deserve a lot and i can do a lot i feel like i'm super smart who's going to save the world i want to know every little information in this earth which is obviously not realistic and not in my capacity of power..i'm an average student, average looking average lifestyle, it's just i can't satisfy myself with what i really am lately..and honestly i'm confused i don't know what to do i feel if i stop thinking that i have something i would lose myself and if i don't it's not healthy not true
claudia90123 nouf88482
Posted
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, I feel for you x
Right, from your post, what immediately screams out at me is that yes you are mentally ill. There are thought patterns that can be fixed with therapy, and then there's a basic biochemical imbalance which no amount of talking and good intentions can help, and it sounds as though you're stuck on that rollercoaster at the moment. No it's not typical to feel like this at 23. Please stop second-guessing yourself and calling yourself names, and go back to the doctor.
What interests me is that you are having both extremes, which isn't so common for depression. Most people with standard depression are listless pretty much all the time and have to mentally force themselves to do anything, and wouldn't wake up ready to clean the city's streets, or talk a lot or solve anything. I wonder if perhaps you could talk to your doctor about an alternative diagnosis. I only know personally about depression, but I've seen bipolar disorder on telly, and am wondering if it could be something more like that. Again, I have no expertise in that area, I'm just struck by some of the ways in which you describe your mood swings, and it is important to be treated for the right thing.
On another note, some people just need to be on medication permanently, which in itself is a difficult thing to come to terms with because of the stigma around mental health issues, but is something that doctors and psychiatrists are now coming to believe. Even if that doesn't apply to you, coming off during a time of change is never a good idea. This is a short paragraph but represents many years of my life trying and failing to live without anti-depressants.
Therapy is often helpful with pressures brought on by a particular situation or past situation (it won't work at all if you don't get some medication too, I've tried that). You mention your feelings of worthlessness stemming from your middle-eastern culture - I don't have experience of that, but I know living with sexism can be insidious and gradually make you feel powerless, frustrated and low. Therapy might help with that, or perhaps a support group so that you feel less alone and are able to see it for what it is instead of internalising it. That's all in the future, though. The most important thing is to stabilise your brain chemistry and your mood with medication so that you can function properly.
I hope you start to feel better soon x