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I am honestly so confused. I have been feeling very off lately, from not eating or getting sleep or binge eating and sleeping to feeling so low, so empty, and so alone. I tend to cry basically every single day, over nothing really. I just start sobbing, and sometimes it even happens in the middle of class, so I have to go to the bathroom to cover it up. I feel so ashamed of myself, and so disgusted.
I have been doing pretty bad in school lately, and my teachers are starting to make me feel like im a worthless piece of crap. I feel as though I'm a complete and utter worthless waste of space. I have no talents, nothing that I am good at doing, and no really outlet for my feelings, so I have been cutting myself in an attempt to make the feelings go away. I have no hopes and dreams, nothing I want to do with my life, so I kinda just sit in my room with my laptop or sleep.
I can't tell my parents about it, partly becase they wouldn't understand and partly beause they would just brush it off, say that I'm perfectly fine. They have a pretty rocky relationship. My dad suffers for being bipolar and he has pretty bad anger problems, which lead to some pretty bad things. I used to get bullied in middle school and elementary school. Kids would make fun of the way that I dressed and that I had no friends. It droped my self esteem considerably, and I see myself as a mistake.
I have also recently gotten into other substances in order to get rid of all the nothingness that I feel. They help, but I know that I am just trying to destroy myself, to make myself be the piece of crap that I think I am. I have one friend who suffers from major depression, and I feel slightly better with her around, but especially when I am alone, I feel like nothing can help, nothing is working, and I just need to die.
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