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The sad side of depression I can largely deal with, but I'm finding it hard to cope with the emptiness. The perfect girlfriend I so adored suddenly can't bring a smile to my face. I feel like an awful human being, I feel so guilty for being so ungrateful. She's everything I've ever wanted but I can't muster up any emotion, she deserves better than that, she deserves to be adored and put on a pedestal.
I know feelings of emptiness are common in depression, but I just can't cope. I had to end the relationship recently as I can't bear the guilt and the shame, knowing she deserves better than me broke my heart, to see her blame herself for my emptiness was killing me. It was as if I'd fallen out of love because of the emptiness, but I hadn't. The love is still there, I just can't actually feel it. I hate myself for letting my depression dictate my life but I just can't be with someone until I'm better, it's not fair on her.
When we've spoke in the past she's seemed adamant that counselling could help whereas I can't see it. When I was anxious I could understand why it'd be beneficial, there were emotions there to change. Now I'm empty I don't see the point. How can they just infuse me with emotion?
I want to ask the other forumers about similar situations they've had and how it worked out. I don't want to believe that it's just over and I'll never get my normal self back again, but I find it hard to see how counselling can fix emptiness. Has it helped you? Any advice is appreciated, I feel so lost. I feel like I've got no one left who actually understands not just what depression is but what it's like to have depression, hence why I've turned to a public forum.
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