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I just need someone who wont judge me but listen to me please. I cant take tgis no more.

Posted , 5 users are following.

aniver48614
aniver48614

My Story,

I feel i cant bare this pain anymore, this guilt im feeling grows more every day. I fell in love with this girl(single mom) 19yrs old. I met her when her baby was 4 months old. She didnt want a relationship, ahe was so closed up for having suffered through pregnancy alone but i never gave up. I did everything until she trusted me. I took over all costs of raising our little girl, she'll be 2 yrs old this March 2nd. They became my everything. Until one day i destroyed everything we had, a stupid mistake i cant ever forgive myself. My mom was about to undergo surgery and i had no way to help them. So one day without thinking i stole from him money to help my parents. Thinking i would repay him that same week i took it and didnt tell him. I never thought abput the consequences i was so blind. Her brother got know the following day and through his bank i was caught. I know i messed up. That same day he posted my picture all over facebook saying what i had done, he took court action against me and i was locked up 7 days. I repaid him that same week when i was bailed out. Now everyone knew what i had done, i started receiving threats through f.b, insults everything. The girl i had loved ao much hated me. Ive lost all my friends, no one trusts me and i know even my family is ashamed of me. I moved away and im now living in another town, yet everywhere i go what i did follows me. The girl ive loved never wants to know abput me again, she hates me, and she says only God could forgive me. I destroyed everything we had built, our family all my dreams everything. I cant sleep, ive tried almost every night killing myself but i cant, im such a coward. I swear this pain is unbearable. I dont want to live, i dont deserve it, id rather be dead than living with all of this. I cry until i sleep i scream but no one cares to listen to a theif that had the courage to steal from her girl's family. I know how much pain ive caused her, and ill never be able to forgive myself for what i did. My little girl will grow and she'll never know how much they mean to me. Every memory every thought males me feel the worst person ever. Im so ashamed of myself, i dont deserve being here. And i dont know how much longer will i be able to wake up everyday with all the pain ive caused.

Please i just need someone to listen to me.

Aniver

1 like, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • michael666
    michael666 aniver48614

    Posted

    Hi, first and foremost get medical help if you are feeling suicidal cause I've been there a few times. I can not stress that enough. As to what has happened to you yes you made a mistake and that is all it is a mistake. You did what you thought was the only answer you could find in that moment. If your girlfriend really loved you then she would have stuck up for you and tried to understand the reasoning behind it. We all make mistakes I know I've made plenty but my other half she always asked why did I do what I done. Then we would sit down talk and figure out a solution. In my view you seem like a very honest person and had a moment of weakness in a very difficult situation. If she can't forgive you for stealing the money and that's all it is a pieces of paper with numbers on it. Then my friend better left alone. As for everyone else their opinions don't matter that's something I've learned over the years. But first get to your GP. You can't fight it alone. Then you'll get a referral to the mental health clinic. Tell the receptionist you're having thoughts of suicide and need help if you can't see your gp go to the hospital!!! I never judge anyone for what they have done in the past. As for the future is not yet written. I wish you well and PLEASE GET HELP!!!

  • borderriever
    borderriever aniver48614

    Posted

    Contact NHS HELPLINE on Tel 111 is you feel suicidle and ask for help.

    Also I would advise you talk to your GP and gain some help and understanding with some possible CBT.

    Theft always causes problems, in my generation we look at theft as something we cannot protect ourselves from. All I can suggest again try and explain you stole because of your Mothers needs as She went into hospital. You had that irrational need and now you wish to put things back on track once more

    You can protect yourself against a Thief, although not a Liar, it is so very sad you did not put up you hands sooner, as money in a serious relationship should not be a sacking offence especially, if we discuss the action before removing the cash.

    It seems the main person who is loosing out here is that little girl of two years old. Be brave and sort this out, be honest in your actions

    BOB

     

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