I just want to be normal

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Hi

I've been on the flo for 6 weeks now. I thought things were becoming managable, but I completely lost it on Wednesday. I fell to pieces at work. I started to feel dizzy, anxious, confused. I panicked and become very short of breath. I had to leave and left the office and walked home. When I got back I just sat and cried for an hour. I just feel so low and I hit rock bottom. My husband managed to pick me up off the floor and get me back to work. I really didn't want to go, but I don't want to let people down. When I got back, I completely broke again. I left the office and went and sat outside and managed to semi pull myself back together for the rest of the day.

I can't go on like this, I just want to be normal. Why is it that I just feel so pathetic and just want to sleep forever. I feel there is nothing to look forward to and there is no point anymore. I hate me.

I am on the waiting list for Counselling through the doctors, but I am really struggling and just don't know what else to do.

I try talking to people, exercising, try hard at work to take my mind off things, but I just feel life is pointless.

THIS IS NOT ME AND I JUST WANT TO BE BETTER.

Has anyone any suggestions...

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Anna,

    I just had to reply to your post. This was me six weeks ago! It began with really bad insomnia and I became really anxious, then the panic attacks started. I was lucky enough to be able to take a few weeks off work, started flu and CBT counselling. Originally my GP referred me but the wait was a couple of months so i decided to go private. it was expensive (£70 a session) but worth every penny. My first session was free and i paid for another couple and it made a huge difference to me. It really helped me to change the way i think about and react to situations and that, plus the medication and lots of exercise mean that i am 100% back to my old self, 9 weeks after first becoming ill.

    i know it is really tough and you feel like you will never get well but i promise you will. I thought i would be the only person in the world that medication doesnt work for (and used to voice this regularly to anyone who would listen!) but after a bit of patience it helped. I still have days now where im a bit wobbly but i go back to my CBT, get out exercising (even though its often the last thing i want to do) and i manage to keep things on an even keel.

    you might find yoga helps, ive started doing 2 x classes a week through my local gym and have found it really useful for focusing the mind and relaxing the mind and body. give it a try.

    good luck and try to be positive.

    claire x

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  • Posted

    Thanks Claire.

    I am hoping something changes/happens soon. I will look into the possibility of going private, but I'm not sure this will be affordable as I think money/debt is one of the things that is making me ill at the moment. I am going to go back to my Doctor as well to see if they can help.

    I managed to get out of bed at 3pm today, I am struggling alittle after Wednesday/Thursday and I feel like I am completely shaking from head to foot.

    Thanks for the tip about the exercise. I am (or was) very active. I started doing Triathlon's last year so enjoyed my running, swimming and cycling. I am still exercising, not as much as I used to, but it does seem to help if I can force myself to do it. I will see about the Yoga. I havn't tried anything like that before.

    Thanks for the support. You are right, I do feel like I will never get better, but you have and so many other people have, so why shouldn't I. It's good to know people have been there and done it.

    Thanks

    Anna

    x

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  • Posted

    Hi Claire,

    I'm hanging in. I'm still very up and down - feel like a yo-yo sometimes. One day I feel as if I'm okay and then the next I'm back at the bottom.

    The down's are not as low as they were, but the feeling of being low and crying seem to have become more frequent over the last few weeks. My Doc changed my tablets as she felt Flo wasn't working, but I'm not too sure. When I was on the Flo the downs weren't as frequent but they were more intense. In some ways I would prefer this.

    At the moment I find myself every couple of days crying and feeling nervous around people. I tend to panic and start checking and counting things. It's got to a stage where I spend an hour at work every day just checking files are in the correct order and paper work is all in a neat line. I am also struggling to sleep again. Off back to the Docs next week.

    I'm hopeful that my counselling appointment will come through in the next few weeks. I wanted to go private, but my husbands revalation of the amount of debt we are in has somewhat stopped that idea.

    I'm trying to remain positive, my husband is very supportive and I've been managing to get into work and just take leave if I need time out. Still managing to get out running and cycling a couple of times a week, so I'm hoping things will improve at some point.

    Thanks for the message. It's nice to know people care.

    Hope you are okay too.

    Anna

    xxxx

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