I just want to know if I'll be ok

Posted , 3 users are following.

Hi, i have no idea where to start with this but im going to try my hardest, excuse the typos or lack of grammar, im on mobile lol..

Ive been struggling with depression my whole life due to some complicated family type ordeals, but never was my anxiety so bad until a few years back when i got into a super rocky and terribly stressful relationship with someone far too old for me. To keep a long story short, it didnt work out. But its how i felt during those three years thats seemed to mess me up ever since. From 2011 til 2014 i suffered through this relationship, it left me feeling worthless, paranoid, and just otherwise incredibly unfunctional. I suddenly developed an intense social anxiety, something i had never dealt with bfore then (and thankfully no longer experience) and it left me practically trapped in the house for ever. I feel like i spent 80% of my time during those 3 years sitting up in my bed on my laptop trying to forget everything around me. Apart from the socia anxiety, i developed a severe fear of my general health bcause i knew nothing about my lifestyle then was healthy i was a huge hypochondriac, but not the kind that goes to the doctors every time they think somethings wrong. Nope. Just the kind that cried and had panic attacks bearly every single day if not more than once per day. I hardly slept, i ate so sporadically that i still am trying to regulate my eating patterns. I cried all the time, had mental breakdowns, couldnt even take a bath without the natural movement of the water triggering a panic attack (i was so terrified of being dizzy and feinting or having a stroke or some crazy thing that the slightest wobbly feeling set me off) the whole thing just left me so unbelievably depressed, and anxious i felt like i was going crazy, and no one seemed to want to care or try and offer their support i felt so alone. And so worthless. It eventually took a lot of love from an ntirely different person for me to end that terrible relationship, but the after affects of said relationship lasted for so long i could hardly function, again. I moved back in with my parents and slept on my brothers floor for what seemed like months. I stayed in all day just with my cat and my laptop again, i had no energy for life, the anxiety was slowly depleating but the number one issue that still remains are all the physical after effects of that ordeal. It took a long time but i finally got a job in the very tail end of the summer of 2015, and with the job i was able to come out of my shell and rebuild the friendships i had abandoned years prior. I found retail a bit draining mentally, but physically it was easy standing there all day and ringing out customers. Eventually i quit that job and moved on to become a busser at a chain restaurant in the area. Its a lot of hard work. Physically, its the most work ive done in my short 22 years so far! I know that might be saying a lot, but its only the second job ive ever had. Anyways, im noticing more and more just how hard it is for me to move now that ive got this job. When i was a teenager, before that terrible relationship, i had all the energy in the world. Aside from the days i was up all night the night prior, i was a regular active teenager full of enough life to try and do something to stay from being so stagnent. I dont know if this exhaustion and fatigue is a mixture of many things or what, but its gotten so bad. My chest hurts so much in the mornings when ive had no sleep and ive got to move stacks of high chairs and rolled silverware. I get so winded so easily even when i have gotten a lot of sleep, i can walk more than i could this time last year, but my heartrate is still far too high when exerting energy than anyone else in my age group (i went to the gym a couple of months ago with a friend and my heartrate on low energy cardio was at the range of someone who was doing extreme cardio) i get frequent heart palpitations, which can sometimes be very very scary. Just looking at something when stuff is moving around me can sometimes trigger a dizzy spell so intense its like vertigo

Now i will admit i still have a hard time caring for myself since those 3 dark years. I dont drink nearly as much water as i should, and i dont eat regular meals or healthy ones at that. But regardless of that, i still feel so crazy like im dying, that everything is going to get worse just because i spent 3 years of my life so stagnant. I feel like my body will only fall apart slowly and ill never get back to the healthy youthful vigor i once had. Ill never be able to keep up with anyone else my age. I'll just deteriorate like i slowly did in my apartment. I just need to know, is there anyone whos gone through something similar? Something worse? And if so has anyone become healthy again, do i still have a chance, if i try hard enough, will i ever be normal again..

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  • Posted

    I will try and help here. This is really more for a "depression forum" in some respects. Are you in therapy? Do you have any kind of plan of action in place to help you out of this?i can't see how can surf this alone  .you need the depression under control and the anxiety now. Which most meds from what i read on here seem to do both anyway. But you would need a doctor or  and a therapist to aid in this.  You need a complete full physical exam and have all your bloowrok and minerals checked. You need that as a starting point. Then have a serious talk with your doctor on his opinions and what advice can he offer you in regards to your mental status. This advice will vary depending on where you live and it is advice not the word of the Lord. Saying that because some doctors are lovely and some are cold and rude. Hopefully you have a good one.lastly,  you will be you and that is all you can or need to be. You have low self esteem mixed in this and you need that uplifted by yourself to yourslf and for yourself. My main point here is get a physical exam and get a therapist.

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  • Posted

    Of course you have a chance! Reading Lisas response   she has given you excellent advice.

    But there are steps you can take besides this.

    What you have been through has depleted you physically and emotionally. Small manageable steps. You know you dont take enough fluids? You know you don't eat sensibly? It's not regardless of that at all! It's a huge part in holding back the healing process.

    Get help for the depression. I know you don't feel like making the effort but the fact that you have posted here out shows that deep inside of you, you want to get better.

    Dig down deep and drag that out of you. Sip water all day if that's the only way you can get it down your throat. Nibble raw carrots,fruit, prepare one healthy meal a day at least and sit down, slowly chew it

    The body is an engine. It cannot work properly without fuel

    When you go to bed tonight make a determined vow that come tomorrow you are going to take the first step on the road to recovery

    Youre 22. You've barely lived. You have lots to look forward to. It's all there within reach...So reach out...You can do it!

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  • Posted

    Oh my gosh, you poor soul. I have been right where your at. I could not go anywhere,because I felt like I couldn't walk, and I just knew that I would fall down, and the ambulance would come. I was so unbalanced,dizzy, and oh yeah the breathing thing. Just a mess all around. I could not eat, sleep, or focus. I went to my family doc bawling, and quite hysterical. She said you need medication. In 2 weeks time, a miracle happened. I felt like my old self again. I have been on a antidepressant for years, and I thank god for these amazing meds, that can put us back together again. Like Humpy Dumpy.cool Please, and I am telling you this from experience. Go to your family doc, and he, or she will get you back on track. Don't get rapped up with psychiatrists, bunch of BS. for people with anxiety, and counselor's,and therapist's can't perscribe meds. Just saying. You can do this. Stop the madness.

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