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so ive been with my fiance for 11 years. and we have a beautiful 8 year old daughter together. we were 17 when we met. well, 2013 was the first time i ever left him. i was talking to other guys. i liked the attention. i had a pretty traumatic childhood. my father beat my mother, drugs, fostercare. he was the only one to show me real love. i have had anxiety and depression for as long as i can remember but it started worsening at the age of 24. i am 27 now. i have left my fiance a total of 10x. longest length of time being for 2months. i love him. but i just left again. the past 2 times before i left i got strong repeating over and over thoughts that if i didnt leave ill never be happy or "you dont really love him" "youre hurting him". and those made me sooo anxious and depressed that i couldnt take it and just left. now, im still really really depressed. i miss him and want to be back in our home back with him but those thoughts keep stopping me. what the hell. i just miss my life.
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