I’m finding life very difficult at the moment

Posted , 7 users are following.

I am really struggling at the moment. Every day is difficult for me. I am struggling to go to work and then when I do go to work I struggle to last the day.

I am experiencing a lot of tiredness, a lot of sadness and I'm not really eating properly. I have been eating just once a day. Something like a bowl of cereals or a sandwich.

I feel like I'm letting everyone down. My boss seems to be being quite awkward with me and not sympathetic at all. Almost manipulating me into coming to work. When at the moment I don't feel as though I can. I feel it would be different if I had a broken leg for example and was unable to work.

I have been to my doctor, spoken to him about how low I have been feeling. So I have been prescribed some different antidepressants. Firstly I have to start taking less of the ones I currently take for, then I am to take one of the old ones and one of the new ones for a week, until finally I come to taking two of the newer ones.

Reaching that third week seems so far away. I struggle to get through just one day, 21 days seems unachievable.

I don't really know what I'm asking here.

Ele

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  • Posted

    Ele please keep going. You're not letting anyone down. Depression is an illness and does not define who you are.

    It is so hard going into work when you feel like this, I know what it's like as I am currently doing so.

    Is there anyone else at work you could discuss your options with? Someone in HR maybe?

    I know you feel lost right now but if possible I think you should try and eat more even if it's a small amount. Not eating will sap your energy even more so and won't help your state of mind.

    We must hold on to the hope that this will pass. There was a time in our life we didn't feel like this and there will be a time we don't. You are doing so well to battle this and you will overcome this.

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    • Posted

      I think maybe I have pushed myself too far. I've been trying to make myself feel ok, and trying to carry on like normal, and going to work. In fact though I think it has actually made me feel worse. Now I feel as though I can't do anything. I feel scared to see anyone.

      There isn't anything like HR where I work. I work for a small business. I just feel so pressured towards coming into work. I received a message saying "cover has been arranged for you today, but hopefully see you Tuesday when you are better". So I had to say that I don't think I will be in on Tuesday, and that I may feel unwell for a while. So now I've been allowed longer off, but still there were comments like do I have any idea how long I might be off for, and if I do actually intend to return. I feel tired of having to explain myself.

      Yeah I feel like I know that I should eat, but I just don't feel that I can. I don't feel hungry. Sometimes I manage to eat ok, but other times when I've eaten it has made me feel quite ill afterwards. Like that feeling at Christmas for example when you just eat too much and feel like you might pass out. I get that feeling, but I haven't actually eaten much at all.

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    • Posted

      I've actually managed to eat quite a lot more today. I had some banana and nutella on toast this morning. A chicken sandwich at lunch time, and I've just had a couple of pieces of pizza. None of my choices are particularly healthy but I went with ease, and what I thought I might like to eat.

      The not wanting to eat thing is very strange to me, usually my whole day is planned around food, and I'll be thinking about what I'm going to be eating next.

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    • Posted

      That's great Ele and sounds like a positive move in the right direction. It's ok to go for easier food options right now, it's better than skipping meals.

      The situation at work can't be helping and adding to how you feel. Would it be possible to speak to your manager and explain what is happening and asking for them to make adjustments to assist you? Or providing them with a doctor's note? Or maybe you have some leave you can use to take a breather off work for a few days? I know it's not easy when you're feeling so bad and feels like another battle to face but maybe being open with your employer about the reasoning behind your absence may help?

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    • Posted

      I have been honest about the truth as to why I'm off sick at the moment. I haven't really gone into detail about everything, such as the not eating and the tiredness, and everything else. I actually got a sick note from my doctor today, I didn't think to ask at the time of my appointment, and I was actually intending to work if I could, before I started to slide downhill so badly. So I do have that now until the 28th if it's needed.

      My employer has said that I can have the time off, because they can't not really. It's just the way it has been handled that I've struggled with. Making things a lot more difficult for me when things are already difficult. I feel as though me being off sick has been accepted now though. I've left it at that now with work.

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    • Posted

      Thank you. It's just such a horrible thing. I had until recently thought I was doing well. I had come such a long way away from feeling like this. Now because of certain events I feel I've been nudged or rather shoved back in to turmoil. I've tried to control it and I've failed. It's difficult not to feel like my future will be this constant battle against feeling like this.

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  • Posted

    hi ele, poor you but also brave to say 'help i'm struggling', well done for saying. THAT'S HUGE! you can do this. ask for more help, maybe swapping antidepressants is part of how you're feeling. keep communicating and asking for help. i wish you luck.

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  • Posted

    what were you on, and what have they given you now?

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    • Posted

      I was taking 45mg mirtazapine, and the new ones are Venlafaxine. So I've got 15mg mirtazapine tablets to lower the dose. I take 2x15mg mirtazapine for one week. Then 1x15mg and 1 venlafaxine for second week, then 2 venlafaxine and no mirtazapine the third week.

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  • Posted

    I am so sorry for what you are going through.

    First, hang on! Do not give up. I had a bad stretch where I was so depressed, like you I was eating just 1 meal a day. Sometimes that meant an apple. I couldnt bare the thought of going to work, but I did because I had to.

    Does being around the people in your work place help at all? I am lonely, so being at work helped as a distraction & having people to talk with. What I'm saying is you ARE NOT ALONE. So many of us are experiencing the same feelings. You will make it to 21 days because it could make a big difference. Also, there are people who love you. It is not easy, but YOU CAN DO IT! I am praying for you, my friend. Hang in there. God is with you always & He loves you.

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    • Posted

      Hi Ann, thank you.

      At first I thought that going to work would be helpful, and I tried to carry on with work as normal, but then I started to struggle.

      I was not myself at all. It was all becoming quite difficult. I was finding myself becoming quite frustrated with people, and not really able to focus on the job because I was too preoccupied with how I was feeling. Now with the tiredness I haven't even made it in to work. The thought of going to work at the moment is quite stressful.

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    • Posted

      Friend, I forgot to add, you need to eat more than 1 meal. That is contributing to you being tired a lot. Sounds like you are probably experiencing brain fog because your body is not getting nutrients. Gets lot of sleep. If you can get yourself outside, take a walk. You will be surprised that can make a difference. Take care.

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  • Posted

    Ele, I don't recall if you are on anti-depressants? If so, you should talk to your Dr. about trying something else. Also, maybe a therapist or counselor could help with talk therapy. I understand about not feeling like yourself and the fatigue. Years ago, I could not imagine making it to the next day. I had to take each day as it came. Do not think about the future, its not here yet. Do not dwell on the past, it's over. Focus on you. If you've never been one to read the Bible, open it. There are many verses about discouragement, sadness, hopelessness and other similar worries. Go online & watch sermons on depression. I have done all of that. There is comfort in knowing He is fully aware of your situation. He is with you right now. Let Him carry you during this terribly confusing & frightening time. Stay away from sugar & caffeine; they do not help depression. God be with you. You are in my prayers. Take care.

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    • Posted

      Yes I have been taking mirtazapine for around 6 years. I had felt that it was working for me until now. So now I'm in the process I've lowering the dose of mirtazapine, before I then start taking the new antidepressants. He also prescribed me beta blockers a few weeks ago for anxiety.

      I have tried counseling through the nhs a few years ago when I first started antidepressants. I did not get on with it at all though, it made me feel worse. I tried again recently with a private counselor, but again it was too difficult for me, and I come away feeling drained with a new set of thoughts going around in my head. I don't think I can cope with it.

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