I'm going out of my mind
Posted , 4 users are following.
Feel every time I open my mouth I upset someone. I am crass and I hate myself. My oh told me at the weekend that I look disgusting when I sit on my sofa covered up in my throw. I feel I have nowhere to relax now. And I should stay in the bedroom. I know I am ugly inside and out and this is the first time he's confirmed my thoughts. What the hell is the point. I upset and annoy people and want to socialise but feel disgusted with myself
Sorry for putting this here but have no one to talk to. Just feel I can't keep this up for much longer
1 like, 12 replies
sue2016
Posted
sue2016
Posted
connie00312 sue2016
Posted
alan56015 connie00312
Posted
Easier said than done but try not to let anybody make you feel bad about yourself. Our own minds do a pretty good job of that. Maybe you should try some CBT sessions to question and change the way you think. It helped me a lot when anything negative was happening around me. Your beautiful inside and out but it's nice to be reassured as we are all a little insecure no matter who we are.
sue2016 connie00312
Posted
Thanks for your reply. I am on medication and have suffered depressive episodes for many, many years. I have been attending counselling but have to find another now. I don't know what else to say
sue2016 alan56015
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alan56015 sue2016
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Scary as it might seem but are you with the right person? It's no good being with somebody for the sake of it. Your husband could be more supportive but do you really tell him how you feel inside? It's best to be open. Good luck
sue2016 alan56015
Posted
Short answer. Yes I have but have stopped. Same with friends. I value them so don't explain anything. Opening up has caused many problems in the recent past which I still cannot get out of my mind. Someone who knew everything, turned on me and what she did upset my family too. Never again
wayne1962 sue2016
Posted
Hi Sue - so sorry to read of your depression. The problem with self-talk is that it becomes imbedded in the mind, like a vicious circle. When we have someone in our lives that makes a negative comment such as you have shared, it confirms the feelings we are nothing and somehow deserve the abuse. This is the depression talking. You say it was the first time that statement was made to you by that person. Perhaps it is their frustration speaking. They may feel unable to help you and are exasperated. Forgive them that - and forgive yourself, too. You did not choose depression.
You state that you are on meds, and I was wondering whether those meds are suitable for your situation. Meds are like a recipe - sometimes it needs tweaking until it's right, sometimes it requires changing the formula altogether. If you are seeing a psychiatrist you must inform him/her that the meds are not working to alleviate the dark cloud over you. It isn't until the mood lifts that we can properly express our issues from an intellectual rather than emotional stance, and the correct medications will help provide this.
You also state that you are having to change your counsellor. Is this because they are moving on, or is it because they have not been helpful? A counsellor - or psychologist - is someone with whom you must feel comfortable and who is not judging, belittling or dismissing you and your issues. Perhaps it is a good thing that you are needing to find a new one - fresh eyes on the problem can provide insightful remedies. It will take time to feel at ease in their presence and to adapt to their method of operation, so allow yourself that space to adjust. You must be honest with them. Discuss the depression with professionals; discuss any other subject with your friends and husband. They only feel helpless when they cannot provide the cure for you, and it is hard for them to know what to say.
Set time aside for yourself in an environment other than your home or the doctors office. If there is a beach or park nearby, allot yourself time to go for a walk, a change of scenery. Unfortunately there is no magic pill/answer for depression and it requires a positive mix of different things for a favourable result. What we do know at this point is that what you are doing is not working. Do something that you love to do - doesn't matter what other people think about it. Be kind to yourself. Best of luck for a new future which you will gain a piece at a time, because, yes, it will take time.
sue2016 wayne1962
Posted
thank you so much. My counsellor has had to step back due to happenings in her life. But she is referring me. Am also awaiting an appt re abuse counselling. But I've had this in my life for many years now. I spoke to a nurse at the doctors yesterday who suggest things. But I feel nothing helps cos it always returns. Have tried everything that's offered. Started drinking a few years back and that's a problem now.
I feel ungrateful. Because everyone is so helpful. And I am Old. Useless. Lol getting too old for all this. What's the point.
So sorry for saying this
sue2016
Posted
I cam here because I had no-one to discuss things with. Sorry for that. Everyone is so helpful. I just get glimpses of good times. And then down the plug hole again. I have a son who I have done my best for. But he can be so selfish and hurtful. I am sat in my car right now. And don't want to go home. Just to avoid conflict and the upset feelings and desolation that comes with it. All because he wanted to go out for a takeaway meal. Too long and involved. Sounds to trivial.
If it wasn't for those glimpses I would give up
wayne1962 sue2016
Posted
Hi again, Sue. It's good that your counsellor is referring you to another. Unfortunately, no-one can overcome the problem of depression except the sufferer themselves. Alcohol is a depressant and is complicating your situation and the functioning of the brain. I had a drinking problem for years - made more difficult by the fact that I worked in the industry. It is not the only addiction I have had to overcome, and, yes, each day is a challenge not to fall back into it, but at this age quality of life is important.
Giving up is a personal decision. Reflecting on what you leave behind - the anguish to your friends/family, the self-blame they will endure, and what is on the other side for you should you take such a step are all factors to be deeply considered.