I'm just not sure what to do anymore

Posted , 7 users are following.

To be curt, for awhile now I've just been feeling absolutely dreadful. Ignored, isolated, used, unimportant, unworthy, unloved, uncapable...These are just some of the things I have been feeling up to date. Now, without delving too much into my past, I do happen to have a history battling both depression and anxiety, so I know some of these emotions can be rather irrational or even baseless at times but still... I can't help but feel this way. There have been just too many instances that have solidified my thoughts ((whether the situation was by accident or on purpose)).

I guess my overall arching question is: What do I do? I'm sick of feeling unhappy. I'm sick of going through this emotional roller coaster of feeling barely content one day then the next feeling worthless. I want to be close to people again, I just don't know how to anymore.  I try different approaches, I try to stay as positive as possible...but in the end I always go back to feeling this way, alone and isolated. Thank you to those who took the time to read this. I'm just lost now.

3 likes, 17 replies

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17 Replies

  • Posted

    Hello Serene this is Diane. I am so..sorry that you are depressed and are experiencing anxiety. I can identify I have also dealt with this in my life and it's painful. Is this ongoing or do you go periods of time without experiencing the lows? 

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    • Posted

      Hi Diane, thank you for expressing your concerns. I really appreiciate it. For me, honestly it's a mix of both. I was diagnosed with both depression and anxiety around seventh grade so I guess you can say it's ongoing but there have been times where I was doing fine and I felt like I was prevailing over my circumstances. Recently, I just graduated from high school and for at least 3 years I was in a relationship I was not happy with. I'm now out of it but I think it was during that time where I just sort of started feeling worse.

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  • Posted

    Hi Serene - have you received any medical treatment for your problem? If not, that's the place to start. You cannot just wish depression away.

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    • Posted

      Sort of... in regards to the depression/anxiety, it's something I've been dealing with since my youth. It isn't new or anything like that. I used to go to therapy for a time but I kind of had to stop because of financial reasons and also because I was feeling a bit more in control of my emotions during that time. Nowadays, I've started begining treatment again but I only have medication. With the healthcare I have, in order to schedule an actual therapist you need to do so two months in advance.

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    • Posted

      Hi again Serene - thanks for responding. Could I suggest you make that appointment for the therapist? Treatment of depression is a multi-pronged approach. Meds will balance the mood and make therapy a more productive experience. If you don't feel the therapy is useful or necessary when the time comes you can opt out, but meanwhile, you know that it's there...

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  • Posted

    You could be describing me I have the exact same feelings. I just told my husband I feel disposable. I could easily be thrown away and replaced without a second thought. I know you are looking for some way out and these remarks are not likely helpful I just want you to know you are not alone in these feelings. Let me know if you find something to help. 
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    • Posted

      Thank you so much, it helps immensely to know there is someone who can relate to all of this. I really do not wish for a pity party I'm just not sure how to cope with these feelings nor possibly stop them. I know sometimes people say "you just have to stop the negative thoughts," but it's really hard to do that especially when there are situations that kind of reinforce those feelings. I wish the best for you and I will definitely let you know if I find something that works. Stay strong <3

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  • Posted

    Hi I totally get this coz I often feel the same.  At the end of the day we are all completely alone and I think that is part of being human.  You are important to the relevant people in your life though even if they don't say it. 

    Do you have family/friends?  Can you talk to any of them?  x

     

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    • Posted

      Hmm... yes and no. Right now, a lot of the people I was close to at some point are now more or less associates. That part has to do with a my last relationship. Often my last S/O tried to control many of my friendships and ultimately, I just became very isolated from everyone but them. I still talk casually with a lot of people, but nothing really past that. It's almost like I just have business relationships. In regards to my family, I do have my mom. She tends to help pick up my spirits but it's just whenever I'm alone (which is very often recently) all of those feelings come back, no matter how hard I try to tell myself otherwise. It's kind of like that feeling in life where you are surrounded by people but still feel alone? During those times it's very hard to reason with myself and tell myself I matter to anyone and I end up isolating myself even more because of that.

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    • Posted

      Hey Serene. I have a couple of thoughts and a question or two. In a relationship where one person tries to control the other and eventually isolates one from friends and family and in your case it worked most people today are educated about that. My question is this in your past relationships were there one or two people that you can think of that you could call up and invite them to coffee and explain to them how you have been feeling after getting out of that relationship? For me just being honest with people creates intimacy and helps me bond with people. Am I way off base?? Just a thought. Diane
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    • Posted

      Realistically, yeah there is probably a person or two who would be willing to listen to my concerns. As to who that might actually be, I'm not entirely sure. A large percentage of my people I know have graduated and moved onto whatever college they selected. I chose to attend one closer to home. The issue with that is, a lot of the people who stayed home like me, were just associates of mine. We're friendly, but we aren't at that personal level just yet. I could definitely try maybe working on turning those associate relationships into friendships. I'm just unsure of how that will actually work out being that they might not be looking for the same thing as me if that makes sense? 

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  • Posted

    Hi Serene well you can try with  the old associates or try making some new friends. Not that I think that easy when you're depressed. I think since it takes two months to get a counseling appointment that you need to go ahead and make that appointment. Then you will have taken some action. What do you think? Diane

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    • Posted

      Hi diane! I scheduled the appoitment a bit earlier. It won't be until December, but you're right, it's better to do something rather than nothing. In regards to the associate thing, that's actually gotten quite a bit better as well. I've been trying to be more honest about the way I feel. All in all, things are looking up. I doubt this will be the last time I feel this way, but I would just like to let you know I'm extremely thankful for your help and concerns. It really helped me out when I was at my lowest! thank you!!

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  • Posted

    Hello,

    I read and reread your post and I don’t want to give advice as I barely know what I need to do most of the time. What I do know is what I have done in the past when I found myself in a full spiral. I found that medication helped a lot. Talk therapy with a good therapist has been a big part of taking care of myself. I have been where you are. I felt what you describe. I’m sorry that you’re going through this now. You don’t have to do it alone. I have felt so isolated and unable to go on, unlovable, unworthy, and wanting to be a part of but unable to figure out how to go about it, and devoid of the requisite energy to even attempt it. The struggle is real. Please don’t give up. I feel hopeful that you found this site and posted. Don’t stop reaching out. 

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much for your words. Those feelings can be quite painful especially when you don't feel you can share it with others. It really helps though to know other people go through this and it also gives me quite a bit of perspective. A quick update on the situation, I do think it's gradually getting a little better. I've tried to do all in my power and I feel rather content at the moment so who knows what will happen. Do trust me when I say, I won't give up. 💙💙

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    • Posted

      I’m very glad to hear that you’re feeling a bit better. Yes I find it helps to know that I am not unique in my feelings and experiences with mental illness. Take care.

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