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I'm so depressed and feel lonely

Posted , 6 users are following.

warren_31361
warren_31361

I'm 40 years old from Waltham cross in Hertfordshire was with lady for 16 years happy and have 3 kids all was going well until I lost my brother he committed suicide because he couldn't have kids I had no help had to clear his flat where he killed him self and I struggle with it every day while this was going on my partner was cheating with work colleague come home from work told me she was going and taking kids with her I was in bad way anyway as lost my brother I shut my self away in my room for weeks couldn't deal with life my kids have been taken out there family home which destroyed me I can't stop thinking about everything its always in my head and can't best to be here anymore with Christmas coming up it gets very hard for me as I know I will be at my lowest as I'm so lonely

Last year went to help homeless people in Harlow people that needed help was heartbreaking but I was still going thru so much my self but needed to do this for myself as we have all been homeless at some stage and was nice to give something back to community

I dont think I can cope this year I seem to be getting worse imnso afraid to go doctors case they section me what do I do I'm so lost

2 likes, 20 replies

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  • julie85700
    julie85700 warren_31361

    Posted

    You have had a really rough time and now to focus on your good points.  Dont do anything silly take to the people at Samaritans they will listen and give advice.  I can understand your loneliness but cant you join a club doing something you like and meeting people.  I also have to listen to me head telling me all sorts of things especially when im on my own im trying to move forward in life.  Why dont you rent out rooms in your house then you would have company.  Even thought my partner just kicked me out i have never spent a christmas with him in the 3 years he always had a excuse to spend it with his kids leaving me out every time.  Please go chat to your doctor as you need the help i did and im starting to feel more human every day.  If your ever in Chelmsford meet me for coffee and a chat
    • warren_31361
      warren_31361 julie85700

      Posted

      I was supposed to have my children today but how can I like this its not fair on them seeing me like this I get over one problem then something else happens and drags me back down i know if I go doctors they will section me and I can't go there I was sectioned years ago for something similar the police felt it was in there need to put me in there as I was risk to myself my mum and dad are miles away from me I do have three sisters but only talk to two of them because of row over my brothers death there was a lot of bitching in family and some horrible things was said so I disowned her and never looked back the other two have there own lives and are much younger than me so I tend to not tell them anything as dont want them to worry they got there own problems I'm sat in my house looking at the walls most days as I'm not working because of the situation I'm in at min I dont really go out I tend to stay away from big gatherings etc I am thinking of going away for Christmas as can't bear to be in house but am affriad in case do something silly I dont really think I know Chelmsford very well have family there cousins etc would love coffee but I'm not driving at min because of tablets I'm on I rarely go out of Waltham cross I hope u are OK and thankyou so much everyone

    • julie85700
      julie85700 warren_31361

      Posted

      Please feel free to chat with me anytime and i know the feeling of utter dispair when you feel hopeless but please dont do anything silly as its your kids that will suffer.  Please call samaritans now and chat to someone please it will make you feel better to have a friendly voice on the phone.  I am also alone at christmas as my family have shunned me but i need to sort ME and sort MY life before i can move on and i will and so will you.  Families can be the worst when there is a death of a family member but know please that we are here and we want to support you no matter what.  I dont have a car yet as only got back the 17th of this month but as soon as i do Warren we going for a huge cup of coffee and a long walk.  Just know that you are awesome and you have good qualities you just need to tell yourself the good not let your mind be negative.  Sending a big hug my friend
    • warren_31361
      warren_31361 julie85700

      Posted

      Thankyou Julie for your support and all other members I didn't know who to turn to I didn't think my life would turn out like this I wouldn't dream of cheating on anyone I think thats the worst thing u could ever do to someone and I hate liars I knew she was lying for weeks disappearing all time my kids hate it where they are living my boys already told me he wants to live with me when he's old enough but he's got some years yet he's only 10 years old and little girl 6 years old and have 18 year old with another partner previous relationship that would be so nice to talk to someone on the same wave level I also love coffee and love walking but dont get out much Im struggling at the min times are hard for me and keeping up with bills etc rent bedroom tax its breaking me but can't bear to give up house because of kids as it was there home nothing feels right anymore I just feel so empty inside I dont think I'm bad person I do have good heart never treated anyone badly dont know why it always happens to me always been person to help others but never get nothing back I'm usually first person to help family friends but never get the support back I tend to keep my self to my self nowadays dont feel can talk to family at all they just think I'm being silly but what they dont realise wasn't them who had to clear my brothers stuff out from where it all happened I still get nightmares seeing him hanging from the loft hatch I partly blame my self for his death day before he passed we had argument he had stolen from my house and I told him never want to see him ever again and threw him out next day we got call saying he killed him self he used to drink alot there has been times I feel that low was gona drive my car in to river where I get so low have spoken to counselor today and have app next week I just wanna feel happy again feel loved is that so wrong just can't get my head around why why me I really do apreciate your time for talking to me I can't believe what u gone thru to we should def meet up for coffee and chat really would like that if there anything I can do to help u in any way u got my support to thanks Julie

    • colin25998
      colin25998 julie85700

      Posted

      Hi Julie, 

      If u and Warren have coffee, please invite and call me early as I have 16502 Klms to travel Brisbane/ Waltham !

    • julie85700
      julie85700 warren_31361

      Posted

      Warren hang in there we will help you get through this tough time and i know you have seen terrible things but your not to blame for what your brother did.  Best thing thats happened is i have a new friend and thats great.  Yes coffee meeting definately and i will bounce back i just need to focus on whats important in life and thats me im number one 
  • colin25998
    colin25998 warren_31361

    Posted

    Dear Warren, 

    Mate you are having a terrible time, you must get to a doctor, Phscologist and a coucilor (All) as soon as possible as all that's going on in your head could drive you insane. 

    Are you taking any MEDs and do you think they are working for you. 

    Can you seperate the feelings of Depression and Anxiety (D&A) and able to write a list of each ? 

    Are you sleeping and are you working ? 

    I have no faith in antidepressants but you have to try them as you maybe lucky. 

    If you can read my posts on this site and see if anything looks like it could sound of interest.

    Regards Col

    Bris

    • warren_31361
      warren_31361 colin25998

      Posted

      Hi Colin thanks for your message I'm not working at minute I rarely sleep if lucky 3 hours night I was prescribed anti depresents but dont think they are working I'm seeing doctor and councelor next week I just hope I can hold out til then if I get any worse will go to hospital tell them what's going on thanks for your support I'll have read thru your posts thanks warren

    • colin25998
      colin25998 warren_31361

      Posted

      Hi Warren, 

      I assume you have a sedative amongst yr antidepressants. You need good sleep. I'm not telling you anything you don't know. 

      Regards 

      Col

    • warren_31361
      warren_31361 colin25998

      Posted

      I'm seeing doctor this week for medical its not the doctor I usually see and have explained this to doctors surgery as he knows all my background and has known me for many years so he knows me well but they give me someone else I'm dreading it takes me while to open up to people and I don't know this Doctor but will ask them for sleeping tablets to as I'm not coping at all I sit most days looking at 4 walls don't go out feel nervous all time when out I feel safe at home but there's only so much one can take been down this road before long while ago and don't want to be sectioned but I know I need help

  • Adldiane
    Adldiane warren_31361

    Posted

    Hello Warren. You don't need me to tell you that you are having a tough time! But what is needed now is for you to get out of your head "your thoughts" and get into 'action'! Make a call to your GP or any doctor. Aiming at an appointment with a counselor! Please don't let yourself go any further down. Gods speed! I'm sure you can tell how much we care here as we all know how painful depression and anxiety is!! Diane

  • brenda69464
    brenda69464 warren_31361

    Posted

    I am sorry for your struggles.

    Do not worry about going to the Doctors. I am of the belief that if you go to them on your own and ask for some help dealing with your problems that they will do all that they can to help you as an outpatient. The goal is to keep people functioning in society.

    Give it a go as counselling and perhaps some medication to get you through the worst of it will be of great help.             I have been there done that.

    Best wishes and I hope the dark clouds overhead will soon blow away in the wind along with your fears and worries.

    Virtual hugs

    • warren_31361
      warren_31361 brenda69464

      Posted

      Last time I went for help they sectioned me I just dont wanna go down that road I'm hoping to see counselor next week I really hope I can get thru this I am on anti depression tablets but dont seem to work thankyou for your kind words and support

    • brenda69464
      brenda69464 warren_31361

      Posted

      Oh , now I completely understand your reluctance.

      Yes,i agree....check in with a counselor. You CAN get through this.

      Perhaps the anti-depressant you are taking right now is not the right one for you. There are quite a number of alternatives that are available,it might be necessary to switch another one.And, if you have just started with this one ....it does take about 6 to 8 weeks for the full effects to be felt. 

      In the meantime stay in touch with this forum,try to do the things you enjoy and most importantly remember you are not alone.Many here (on the forum) have been through similar experiences and certainly have felt all hope is lost.

      We are all here for the same reason, reassurance and encouragement!

      Keep putting one foot in front of the other !

      Blessings

    • colin25998
      colin25998 warren_31361

      Posted

      Hello Warren 

      I sent you a personal msg. 

      I've had it for 20 years and it only get's worse but "Ketamine" is the BIG light at the end of the Tunnel

      I can help you with your research.

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