I'm so scared I will kill myself

Posted , 5 users are following.

I am 25 years old and have suffered with severe depression and anxiety for 2 years. It all started when I became ill 2 years ago and the drs couldnt tell me what was wrong. I went through so many tests and lost alot of weight. Finally after months I was told I have functional dyspepsia. And i started to feel better. I still had depression and the anxiety but the dr put me on medication and it was working.

Then last year I was sexually assaulted by a man at work when away on a work trip. Which made me angry and moody. My depression got worse and i put alot of weight on which again made me worse. I was able to get on with life and although i was never fully happy i was ok.

Then this year my grandma died and my dad went downhill and hes been losing his temper and made home unbareable. Then a few days before my birthday i got a water infection - which are one of the things i cant deal with well - and I got really down about it. Then my functional dyspepsia flared up again, which has sent me spiraling downhill and i want to die. So much i dont trust myself. I cry all the time and i feel so frustrated that i cant just click my fingers and die.

I have been looking at ways to do it but i just dont know which is the best so i dont feel pain.

I have a therapy appointment on tuesday but i dont know how much longer i can stay here.

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