I'm stuck, confused, scared
Posted , 4 users are following.
I'm on week ten out of twenty for this therapy to help me supposedly to control my emotional intensity. I am struggling with it which I tell them I've got a different enforcer who is my support between weekly sessions but restrictions on contact. I am paranoid about who and what people are saying about me. I am participating but feel worse. My heads racing I cannot get sui#### thoughts out of my head. Yesterday following conversation with my support who said i have different diagnosis to everyone else so that's why I'm different. I tried the distraction by going for a walk in the wind n d and rain just wandering found myself stood on the edge of a 200_-300 foot drop debating to jump, got to get it right, had a signal on phone talked to Samaritans for a while carried on my walk, stood on other tree stumps over the edge. Cold and wet started walking back then in the zone, listening to the crunch of stone under my feet, the sound of the rain, the rivers roaring, bird song the smell of freshly chopped trees, how cold and wet I was. Got home now these urges are here again back to drowning I can see me swimming out, feel the cold of the water hugging me. Can't make it go away, got the radio on, trying to concentrate on sudoku, I'm frightened, I so hate myself, feel so useless, in process of being kicked out of work, can't see a future, I'm so tired, exhausted of keep trying. I don't even know what I'm writing anymore, sorry for going on . XXX
2 likes, 6 replies
tina89895
Posted
wayne1962 tina89895
Posted
tina89895 wayne1962
Posted
Hi Wayne been there done that got the t shirt, made me more aggressive and supposedly meds don't necessarily help bdp/eid so psychiatrist left me with 4, 5mg diazepam a week to take when required or I take them when I want to escape by mixing with other prescribed drugs or alcohol. I know not a good idea but when you've had enough it just blocks stuff out. Don't feel to bad today but haven't done anything yet to annoy me etc. Feel quite empty, blank mind wise and sick as binge ate last night so serves me right.
How are you doing ok I hope. So I'd better see what today brings I suppose. Thanks .
carmela45627 tina89895
Posted
Mixing meds and mixing with alcohol can stop respiration.
Please seek more professional help.
You are binge eating?
You really need a professional that you are comfortable with. One who you can talk to and feel comfortable with telling them everything that is causing you to feel empty.
Please find another professional that will be able to help you to feel better
tina89895 carmela45627
Posted
Hi Carmela thank you for your concern, I try and talk to my gp, but not a lot she can do. I only see psychiatrist every 3 months I'm fed up, peed off, then I helped a old lady in the shop who'd dropped her shopping then leave in a rush as I'm crying after she thanked me, how f..ING stupid does that make me feel. Someone pulled out in front of me driving home, then giving me the finger cos I'm on his bumper, I just don't really know what I'm doing saying now. Going out for another walk somewhere supposedly for distraction. I'm tired of this talking, therapy everything. Sorry you got both barrels. Take care Tina x
carmela45627 tina89895
Posted
Did they ever offer you anti depressants?
I experience crying jags all of the time.
It sounds like you had a bad day!
What about group therapy?