Posted , 5 users are following.
Hey guys,
I haven't posted for a little while - I have been attending counselling, but it's coming to an end in the next few weeks, it's going well but I don't feel as though it has made an actual difference to me yet. It's helpful speaking about everything to somebody but, fundamentally nothing has changed, I still feel the same.
Right now I'm at a point where I can live with this depression, it's hard but it's not as overwhelming but I can literally feel it creeping back up, I'm terrified because I feel like as soon as my counselling sessions are all finished it will grab hold of me again and pull me down too far this time.
The main reason I went to counselling was so I could comfortably justify suicide in my own mind, reasoning that I had "done everything I could" I don't feel suicidal right now, I don't feel anywhere near the way I did then but I do feel as though it is going to grab hold of me again soon and this time I just won't be able to fight it off.
I'm terrified, I can feel the grip of depression taking hold of me again, like it's stood behind me just waiting for the right moment. I don't want to go back to that place, I literally cannot deal with how awful it felt, words cannot describe it - I'm sure a lot of you here can probably relate.
I'm just so scared, I feel like really I have just been stalling the inevitible, I don't want to end my life and I don't want to be negative but I can feel myself slipping that way and don't know how to stop it and once the support of counselling ends I feel like I am doomed
2 likes, 8 replies
respecthealth fee25
Posted
fee25 respecthealth
Posted
simon8173 fee25
Posted
sorry to hear that your going through a really bad time just now, I wish I had words of comfort for you. I know we're your coming from when you say your looking to justify suicide, been pondering the same thoughts myself when I'm at my lowest. My wife can't cope with my illness so I guess my marriage is coming to an end. I feel that all that's left is to summon up the strength to do what's necessary.
fee25 simon8173
Posted
In a few weeks I will have finished counselling and can in my own mind justify suicide, that's what worries me.
It is such a struggle, I can't hold down any form of relationship at the moment. Depression is tough, it doesn't just affect us but our loved ones too I know it must be hard for your wife but - let her know how much you love and appreciate her, maybe she can help you through, although it is difficult.
simon8173 fee25
Posted
as I've said before, my departure is planned, just need the strength now.
stevo1975 fee25
Posted
fee25 stevo1975
Posted
thank you for your belief Stevo I very much appreciate it, I hope things can improve rather than slip! xx
stevo1975 fee25
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