I'm toxic to my sister and can't control myself anymore

I used to have a much better relationship with her. She has anorexia and I used to always try to get her help for it and stuff and I was genuinely concerned and worried for her. Now I just use it against her and mock her for it all the time. The thing is, for like four years she's been being kinda manipulative to me because she's jealous of me (it's like an ed thing for her or something) and last year it got to a point where I couldn't deal with it anymore and now the only empathy I have for her is really rare. To make things worse she claims I'm mean to her because "she got fat" which she didn't but that's how anorexics think ig. It just makes me angry that she's still playing the victim all the time and won't admit to anything she did. She always invades my privacy and I literally feel like I have nothing left. I do much worse things to her like calling her fake and mocking her for having an eating disorder and stalking her edc as revenge etc and like today I splashed soup into her dinner which she was cooking next to me and she was actually going to eat a dinner and I ruined it and I didn't even care at all, which scares me. I feel like the way I treat her isn't even justified and I just feel like it is because I get angry and hold grudges. I've tried talking to her about it but it never goes well and I'm scared she'll use it against me. It's also so hard to feel sympathetic towards her because whenever I try to understand her in my head it makes me so angry and I can't do it. And if you're wondering why I'm posting this if I don't care about her it's not about her I'm just scared I'll become a sociopath and that would ruin my life. Please help nothing is working.

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