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Hey, i've been going through ups and downs every couple weeks for a while now. Sometimes it has to do with life events and sometimes because i get the bright idea to quit taking my meds. Last time i did quit my meds i crashed hard, told all my friends that i wanted nothing to do with them, almost lost my job for no showing and fighting with my manager. I've gone back to my doctor and restarted my medication but as of right now i feel kind of lost.
I've taken a week off work for really no reason besides i'm too exhausted to work. It's the first day of my "vacation" and i'm starting to feel suicidal. I've been staring at my pill bottles from my bed for the last 5 hours thinking about taking them all. Usually when i feel this way i get out of the house but i don't have anywhere to go, anybody to see, and i've blown my savings so i couldn't even go out to eat if i wanted. There's no food in the house and i'm way to disgusted with the state of my house to get out and see how i'm living.
Honestly, i'm sort of freaking out. Ever since i asked for time off i've thought that maybe this wll be the week i take my life. Depression has single handily soiled any hope i have left to live. Really what's the point in living on? Yeah, i might feel better in a few days but i know i'm going to come back to this state. What's the point of repeating the pattern if things get worse and worse everytime my symptoms come full circle.
I really don't know what i should do, can i have some help, please?
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