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I need help!

Posted , 7 users are following.

Dixoadam
Dixoadam

Currently sitting in an airport having thought of killing myself. They scare the hell out of me... I was in thailand and got sick and decided to end my trip very early. On my way home my anxiety has kicked in and I can't do it anymore I cant seem to find a way to beat it. I am scared of life I dont know how this happened to me. I have no job at home and I just feel everything is dark. I have a loving girlfriend and famly but nothing seems to wwork. Why do I want to die so bad? It makes me cry and really upset how am I supposed to live life like this? I would never act on the thought but Im scared if I feel like this that long that one day I will. I hate the way I feel and I hate my life which makes no sense because I seem to have a good one going for me. I need help. 

0 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • Dixoadam
    Dixoadam

    Posted

    I am a 27 year old White male from Toronto Canada. I dont want to die. I want to be happy and live life to the fullest but I cant with my thoughts.
    • sal93937
      sal93937 Dixoadam

      Posted

      You are not going to die from this.You can break the negative thought process.I know personally it can be like a hell.You can't give up though.You have to believe you will get better.I did and I'm better than before the before.Know that you are unique and important.

  • john47751
    john47751 Dixoadam

    Posted

    Friend... you're not alone. What you're going through is one of the darkest and scariest times in a person's life, not that I need to remind you of that. I'm going through something very similar and believe it or not its all a TRICK anxiety plays on us.

    I'm still learning more about this but I'll try to share with you what I've already learned. To be blunt..... you're overstressed and your brain is hurt. You can't think clearly do to prolonged stress and possible depression. All of this will cause anxiety and what some refer to as "intrusive thoughts". The higher your anxiety goes and the deeper your depression gets, the more intense the thoughts become.

    What you seem to be going through is "Harm OCD".  You claim you don't know how this happened to you but believe it or not you actually do know without realising it. All of this is a build up of worries of not having a job, coupled with worries of the future and how you may support yourself and or your girlfriend if times get tough. You having thoughts of death or ending your life can simply be broken down to the fears you are having over not having a job and worries of being able to support yourself and your loved ones.

    .....those thoughts are an over exaggeration of your fears. You know you wont harm yourself or others for that matter but its hard to let go of those thoughts and fears. You can start by simply not worrying about it. Hard to figure huh ? lol

    Believe it or not its as simple as that. The more you worry about the thoughts, the stronger the thoughts get because worrying about what you may do only validates the irrational thoughts that are going through your overstressed mind. Just let the thoughts pass on through. Don't engage the thoughs, don't try to convince yourself that you'd never do what the thoughts desire you to. Its easier said then done but it works. I'd know....I'm going through it as we speak.

    It may seem impossible to look past these thoughts and trust me it will take time but you'll get over this. You will find work and your worries will no longer have validation BUT what you NEED to do is keep pressing forward somehow. If you stop to worry you wont be able to shake these feelings. You need to keep pressing forward.

    Lastly....you're not going crazy and you're not suicidal. If you love life and you love your loved ones then thats enough proof right there that you're not thinking clearly. You need to find an outlet and possibly seeing a counselor and/or a doctor might also help. 

    • sal93937
      sal93937 john47751

      Posted

      Great advice.Those who suffer are not alone and things get magnified.
  • sal93937
    sal93937 Dixoadam

    Posted

    This is exactly how I left 6 years ago and I am completely well today.It will pass.Dont give up.Depression can hit you like a baseball bat and knock you off your feet.I was in Canada on business early on in my depression and wanted to cut short my trip because I felt so bad. Please reach out to get help.You are important and your life has meaning.Dont let this temporary feeling control who you are.I am one who has lived through it.
  • donna92581
    donna92581 Dixoadam

    Posted

    Hi , when You get Home , please get help . Just talk to doctor , he can reffer

    You , where to go or call . I'm sure , there is professional help. 

    Don't be afraid to ask for support & treatment . 

    Please , please don't give up ! Please let us know how it goes ok ? 

    Thinking of You . ?? Donna 

  • jan34534
    jan34534 Dixoadam

    Posted

      I don't feel you truly want to die I feel like you want help.,  but you are struggling right now. The good news is there is help out there! this  anxiety is hard to overcome on your own. Please please talk to a counselor. That has been a lifeline for me. They see this on a daily basis so don't be shy about going. They have The tools to help people overcome these feelings and really want to help!   Keep going even when you start to feel better. I have regular appointments and it's amazing how helpful they are. They can help you make sense of your life     If you're worried about the cost, there are many free counseling centers.   Ask your girlfriend and family to help you locate one. Check out  your local county where you live or local churches may be able to tell you where you can get low-cost or free counseling. Or even go online and look up free or low-cost counseling in your area. Are you healthy enough to exercise? I find that when I do that, my anxiety is lifted and it feels great. I now do it regularly.Never give up! You deserve a happy and peaceful life .   Fire up that inner strength and be determined in relentless! Don't let negative thinking ruin your life. Use the support of your family and friends at this time 

     and have a mindset that you won't be defeated! Be a fighter but get the help you need at this time. 

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