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I'm 20 years old. I suffer from severe social anxiety, depression and GAD. That's at least what my diagnose, but I'm still not 100% sure if that's the case. I have a very hard time leaving my house. I'm struggling with this for 3 years, but I haven't improved, it only went worse. I have followed therapy for longer then a year, but I didn't improve from it. Currently I haven't left my house for 2 weeks and it's also increasing my GAD I think, because I got so much time to think. I'm waiting for a new psychologist and I had my first appointment which went not great, but I manage to get through it. About a few days I have my next appointment where they are going to discuss a plan with and after that I have to wait some months before I actually can start therapy. But it's extremely difficult to get to the appointment. I already cancelled one and I am super afraid this one is not possible too. It seems even harder then the first one.
Back to my GAD, it's really destroying my life. I have noticed that my mind is actually constantly busy finding fears. Through out the day I'm literally constantly busy with my thoughts and feelings. It's super exhausting. I'm questioning everything because of it. I can't enjoy anything anymore. I am constantly feeling super bad in general. I feel very bad in my own skin. It's super hard to describe how I feel and I often feel that people don't know how I feel which is difficult. I experience derealization as well. I feel very disconnected. One of my biggest fears is losing control and because my mind is so unwanted negative I feel like I am not in control. It freaks me out. I'm super afraid I suffer from schizophrenia. Everything that seems out of the ordinary freaks me out. I am constantly in battle with myself. I don't know who I am under all of this anxiety, because it's going on for so long. Because of this my confidence is super low. I feel like I don't even trust myself and I hate myself. I also have extreme fears of medicine, alcohol, coffee and even tea (caffeine). It makes me super nervous and anxious. But again, my mind is actually constantly finding new fears and it's basically in everything right now.
Because of my GAD and all of the side problems I mentioned I have a very hard time leaving my house. I'm avoiding almost every social contact. I can't even open my door anymore for someone. I am experiencing physical symptoms when being out in public and of course anxiety, stress and panic. Eye contact and such is freaking me out and situation where I feel I can't leave.
My depression is another thing as well. Everything feels so overwhelming and I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Is putting this much effort worth it? I tried tons of exposure over the years, but I didn't improve. Is there a change of a happy life? Because right now I am just super depressed and unhappy.
Is there a way out of this? I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Anyone recognize him or herself in this? Hopefully someone would respond, it would be appreciated a lot. Any tips and/or advice are super welcome.
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