I need some advice please!

Posted , 4 users are following.

Ive become so co dependant its unreal from anxiety. My boyfriend is making me go home for a night because he thinks we will need space which is true I guess, im just having a down day and just need his company and said I'll go tomorrow but hes having none of it and I feel really anxious due to the arguing about it.and i can see it stessing him out cuz i dont want to go. If I go home Im scared I'll feel more down and wont have him. 

Its ridiculous I never used to feel like this, im so dependant on him and other people and I hate it.

He wants me to go home in the next like hour or so and its horrible I really dont want too. Can anyone give me some advice that'll make me feel better or even see sense? I just feel crap today and really need him tonight.

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  • Posted

    This has happened before. Love, you need to work on yourself. Are you in therapy? Co dependency comes from fear and lack of belief you can care for yourself properly. You need life skills and mind skills here. Relationships are wonderful but codependency destroys them its smothering and unfair. At some point you have to do something to help yourself to be okay with being an adult and being independent.it can be scary, it can be overwhelming but it will feel so great if you allow yourself to grow to that point. Therapy is where to start and being open and honest. This isnt the life you really want. He needs to grow as a person too and space is healthy for both of you. 
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    • Posted

      Thanks for the reply! and im going to start private therapy soon I think I've emailed a lady today and had a response we have a little meeting thursday. and I know I really want too just go home tonight and not make a fuss out of it but im scared when i'll be there I'll feel down and if I need him I know he wont let me back round.. Like i've been crying which is silly. I shouldnt need him all the time to improve my day its not healthy and i do feel sorry for him. I'll be with my dad and stuff but im so used to my boyfriends company all the time. Its so hard I really want to go tonight but I feel as if for some reason I cant..
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    • Posted

      Last time you were happy. You hung out woth your dad a bit, did your nails and listened to music if i rememeber correctly. Its really unfair to lean on him this hard, he is only human too. The therapy will help you figure this all out. Show him you got this..okay? Show him you are strong. He needs someone in his life that will uplift him as well. That is what a relationship is. You can do this, you can and you will.
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    • Posted

      I suppose im only getting worked up because im making such a big deal out of it, does it make me weak that I care about something so silly this much? Its almost laughable because I feel so silly. Its not fair for me to lean on him all the time hes a man and does need his space and weve been together 8 months and ive probably stayed at home 4 times which is bad, its my first long term relationship I've probably got carried away. Does it make me weak that I got so upset over him telling me to go?
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    • Posted

      Weak is the wrong word. Nothing to do with being weak. Its more complicated then that. You need yourself. Not sure where you place your own worth in all this. Thats more of the issue. Its not an external problem. Its internal and its not at all that you are weak. But its very unhealthy and self sabtaging your own growth and the relationship so you need to be aware of that. Give him a kiss and go gome. Its the right thing to do. No tears, none needed. You got this! 
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    • Posted

      He has told me he can see im feeling hurt and that i can stay tonight but most go home tomorrow, i said i dont want a pitty stay but he said he feels sorry for me, maybe I can wake up tomorrow with a fresh mind and hopefully have a good night googling a few things that might help me
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  • Posted

    I'm sorry but he sounds like a bad person I think you should think about leaving him. Some one that really loves you would not put you out in your time of need. Maybe some time away from him will help you. Some times when I have a bad one going for a drive and turning my music up loud so it keeps my mind busy and calms me down . Let me know if you feel better or want to talk
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    • Posted

      I see your point I do. He has told me that he can see its hurting me and that i can stay tonight but must go home tomorrow after work, hopefully I'll be ok but atleast I can prepare for that. i feel im making him depressed by putting all my issues onto him
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  • Posted

    Hi Katie, I feel it for you I really do. I don't know how I would cope without my partner too. I think we all maybe rely on our partners too much especially when we've got mental health conditions. It's not our fault but you've got to see it from their point of view as well. The amount of stress we put them through is unbelievable. I know it's not our fault and any stress is unintentional but they need room to breathe every now and then. It's important that they take the time out to pursue their hobbies and interests or even spend time with their friends otherwise things will begin to crumble. 
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    • Posted

      Hi thanks for your reply. and yes it is hard its like a mental blockage, i really hope therapy will help me because I hate it. I wasnt like this a year ago at all far from it, loved my own company and everything! weird how things like this just happen. but I know hes told me to stay over tonight cuz he can see its hurt me but i need to go tomorrow i feel bad for him i really do but i cant help it sometimes
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    • Posted

      well said gary.. I honestly couldnt have put it in a better way.. 'TRUTH'                                                                                                                         Hugs & love to you Katie - I hope that you can see & understand what everyone is saying here xxx
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  • Posted

    Katie is staying tonight going to make you feel any better tomorrow? When tomorrow comes you will feel awful again and want to stay with him. My partner has had 5 weeks off work as I am so bad we have a little girl, I feel awful because he's doing so much for me. So I've started telling him to go for a game of golf or to the pub for a pint, to give him some breathing space. That's all they want just some time alone and if you don't give them that they get even more annoyed, listen to me I've experienced it my past relationship failed because I was dependant on my ex I didn't realise how bad I was till he dumped me and I had to get myself better he was gone. Tell him you want to go home tonight give him some space and you'll see him tomorrow smile smile and say you'll relax and have an early night or watch a film. I promise you he will feel better and you will for being able to do it once again! Me time is essential enjoy!!
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    • Posted

      You are right. Its too late for me to get into my house now but I am prepared and determined for tomorrow and may post on this discussion if i feel anxious but as I finish work late i guess ill go straight to sleep and before I know it it will be the morning! I love my boyfriend hes the best and I hate that I'm dragging him down.. I dont do it on purpose. Is co-dependancy something that comes with anxiety or is it something else completely? 
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