Posted , 3 users are following.
Hello, I've posted on this forum a few times before, about my health anxiety, which I think I'm over.But now I have a new problem.
I think that I might be depressed. Over the last few months, since my dad passed away,I've started to think life is pointless, that I'd be better off dead. I feel like everybody dosent want me here, everything I do seems to upset people. I'm always getting in trouble in school and at home. I have thoughts of committing suicide, but I don't think I would ever act on them. I'm afraid to tell someone, because I feel they'll tell me to 'Man up'. I've barely cried since my dad passed away ( about 8 months ago ) because of the same reason. Some nights I find it hard to sleep, other nights I fall asleep easily but wake up and can't fall back asleep. This has effected my mood, I'm angry and agitated the last few weeks.
I don't know if this is depression, but I just needed to get this off my chest. I used to go to counselling in school, but for some reason it just stopped.
I hope someone can reply and give me advice, Jack
0 likes, 8 replies
sean09003 jack57270
Posted
Hey Jack,
I'm sorry for your loss. Most people deal with depression at some point in their lives and losing a loved one is not easy. It's also tough to approach people with depression because you either don't want to be told to man up like you said or you don't want to bring them down if they're facing their own problems. Having depression doesn't make you any less of a tough person; it just makes you human, but you can't let it consume you. Don't give up. There's plenty good in life to appreciate; I know it doesn't seem too apparent right now but hang in there. Tell someone you feel comfortable with about how you feel
helen20833 jack57270
Posted
Hi Jack
grief is a difficult emotion to overcome. It takes everyone different
The fact that you have barely cried shows you are holding all that sorrow in. Not a good thing. Perhaps you are scared of letting it out? Letting go of the tight control you have on your emotions
That is a possibility because you have previously suffered from anxiety. So you hold on with a vice like grip because you fear that if you lose control your anxiety will yet again manifest
That would not happen by the way. You do yourself more harm emotionally by bottling everything up
You need to talk to someone, someone whom you can trust. A relative, your GP, a friend. Because you have to let all this grief out of you to move forward, to be happy again
Anger is another face of grief.
You lost your father and you are subconsciously angry with the world and all those in it
Much of the attitude of others will be ignited by your attitude towards them. If you are sullen, angry inside of you, then this dictates how others respond to you
Getting into trouble either at home or in school, is just your way of redirecting your grief anger, But you know, dear, by doing that you are merely going round in circles
If there is no one whom you trust to share your innermost feelings, and because we have exchanged pm's previously, you can, if you so desire, pm me and I will at least be an ear to listen and I will try to help you
Sometimes, when family/friends share circumstances, it's difficult to open up to them. And yet it can be the best thing you ever do
It's early days yet, Jack. You are so young! You have a whole life in front of you. And yes, bad things can happen to us in life. But we come through them to the other side. I promise
Talking of your life being pointless is just a cry for help. I hope you can see that?
Don't be alone. Reach out to family
To a friend
To me
To anyone
Doesn't matter to whom
Just reach out, Jack
And start the healing process
Hugs Helen
jack57270 helen20833
Posted
Hi Helen, sorry for the delay in the reply. Ive been a bit more open the last few days. Any time I need to cry, I do. I don't hold it in. I've been talking to my GP earlier today, she said that its grief and to not hold anything in.
On an unrelated note, my doctor just put me on Gastro-Resistant tablets because I was having weird chest pains. She checked my Blood Pressure and my heart, which were both fine. She then asked if I have been having any heartburn ( which I have ) and put me on the tablets. Can stress cause this? It's a months supply and she said if they don't help to go back up to her.
Again, sorry for the delayed reply, Jack
helen20833 jack57270
Posted
Hi there Jack
I'm glad you are able to "let go" so to speak, some of your inner grief
It's a long slow process, Jack, but every day is a healing day. This I promise you.
I was like you when my Dad died. I had this big lump in my chest cos I couldn't "face " it and feared letting go would exacerbate my Anxiety/Panic Disoder..which was about the worst way of dealing with it I can tell you!
Oh yes, stress can play havoc with your tummy. Again, I was just the same as you.
Chest pains
Stomach aches...sometimes really bad!
Heartburn
Tender tummy...the list goes on
I am on lansoprazole 30mg and have been for what seems like forever. They control my stomach problems....but hey, I'm a lot older than you and as we age we don't heal the same
You're young and strong and healthy and should heal easily
But like I say, Jack, this all takes time
It's hard to be patient when we don't feel "right" but patience is a great healer in itself because freaking out thinking, I'm not getting any better, makes us worse
We flood with adrenalin....then anxiety symptoms batter us
Our stomachs react with an overdose of acid and we feel like crap
So
Honey, you will be okay.
Did I not tell you a long time ago that I had a great belief in you? I am very proud of how far you have come, especially as you are so young and you have a courage and strength beyond your years...even if you don't realize it
Anytime you have a worry or concern, you get in touch with me, okay? You know I will always, always get back to you
Jack, you have a wonderful Christmas!
There's a New Year coming so this can be a step forward for you, a clean slate
Make it a good one, sweetie
I send love and encouragement
Helen xx
jack57270 helen20833
Posted
Thanks Helen,I hope you have a good Christmas too. I am heading to New York on New Years day so that's something to look forward to.
Thanks,Jack
helen20833 jack57270
Posted
Oh Wow! The Big Apple!
Awesome
I will think of you, imagine you there!!!!
You are doing great, Jack,
Hugs galore!
Helen
lisalisa67 jack57270
Posted
You need grief counseling and honestly you need the love and support of your family too, im not sure if this is actual depression or grief and your own insecurities of how to manuever through life now. This all tales time to figure out. There are no rules on how to feel or man up when it comes to something like this.
im guessing your not religious or i would tell you to go to your olace of worship and see if that helps you. Youd be surprised.
Stop caring what other people think or might say and if you need to express yourself and talk about it..you do it. Manning up has nothing to do with dealing with your Dad passing..thats a cruel and heartless response. You know one day you have to be okay with all this, its getting to that point that you need love and guidance with.
helen20833 lisalisa67
Posted
Hi Lisa,
couldn't agree more!
Wise words
I would have replied sooner to this post but my comp needed mending
Hugs
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