I need to get this off my chest

Posted , 3 users are following.

Hello, I've posted on this forum a few times before, about my health anxiety, which I think I'm over.But now I have a new problem.

I think that I might be depressed. Over the last few months, since my dad passed away,I've started to think life is pointless, that I'd be better off dead. I feel like everybody dosent want me here, everything I do seems to upset people. I'm always getting in trouble in school and at home. I have thoughts of committing suicide, but I don't think I would ever act on them. I'm afraid to tell someone, because I feel they'll tell me to 'Man up'. I've barely cried since my dad passed away ( about 8 months ago ) because of the same reason. Some nights I find it hard to sleep, other nights I fall asleep easily but wake up and can't fall back asleep. This has effected my mood, I'm angry and agitated the last few weeks. 

I don't know if this is depression, but I just needed to get this off my chest. I used to go to counselling in school, but for some reason it just stopped. 

I hope someone can reply and give me advice, Jack

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey Jack,

          I'm sorry for your loss. Most people deal with depression at some point in their lives and losing a loved one is not easy. It's also tough to approach people with depression because you either don't want to be told to man up like you said or you don't want to bring them down if they're facing their own problems. Having depression doesn't make you any less of a tough person; it just makes you human, but you can't let it consume you. Don't give up. There's plenty good in life to appreciate; I know it doesn't seem too apparent right now but hang in there. Tell someone you feel comfortable with about how you feel

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  • Posted

    Hi Jack

    grief is a difficult emotion to overcome. It takes everyone different

    The fact that you have barely cried shows you are holding all that sorrow in. Not a good thing. Perhaps you are scared of letting it out? Letting go of the  tight control you have on your emotions

    That is a possibility because you have previously suffered from anxiety. So you hold on with a vice like grip because you fear that if you lose control your anxiety will yet again manifest

    That would not happen by the way. You do yourself more harm emotionally by bottling everything up

    You need to talk to someone, someone whom you can trust. A relative, your GP, a friend. Because you have to let all this grief out of you to move forward, to be happy again

    Anger is another face of grief.

    You lost your father and you are subconsciously angry with the world and all those in it

    Much of the attitude of others will be ignited by your attitude towards them. If you are sullen, angry inside of you, then this dictates how others respond to you

    Getting into trouble either at home or in school, is just your way of redirecting your grief anger, But you know, dear, by doing that you are merely going round in circles

    If there is no one whom you trust to share your innermost feelings, and because we have exchanged pm's previously, you can, if you so desire, pm me and I will at least be an ear to listen and I will try to help you

    Sometimes, when family/friends share circumstances, it's difficult to open up to them. And yet it can be the best thing you ever do

    It's early days yet, Jack. You are so young! You have a whole life in front of you. And yes, bad things can happen to us in life. But we come through them to the other side. I promise

    Talking of your life being pointless is just a cry for help. I hope you can see that?

    Don't be alone. Reach out to family

    To a friend

    To me

    To anyone

    Doesn't matter to whom

    Just reach out, Jack

    And start the healing process

    Hugs Helen

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    • Posted

      Hi Helen, sorry for the delay in the reply. Ive been a bit more open the last few days. Any time I need to cry, I do. I don't hold it in. I've been talking to my GP earlier today, she said that its grief and to not hold anything in.

      On an unrelated note, my doctor just put me on Gastro-Resistant tablets because I was having weird chest pains. She checked my Blood Pressure and my heart, which were both fine. She then asked if I have been having any heartburn ( which I have ) and put me on the tablets. Can stress cause this? It's a months supply and she said if they don't help to go back up to her.

      Again, sorry for the delayed reply, Jack

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    • Posted

      Hi there Jack smile

      I'm glad you are able to "let go" so to speak, some  of your inner grief

      It's a long slow process, Jack, but every day is a healing day. This I promise you.

      I was like you when my Dad died. I had this big lump in my chest cos I couldn't "face " it and feared letting go would exacerbate my Anxiety/Panic Disoder..which was about the worst way of dealing with it I can tell you!

      Oh yes, stress can play havoc with your tummy. Again, I was just the same as you.

      Chest pains

      Stomach aches...sometimes really bad!

      Heartburn

      Tender tummy...the list goes on

      I am on lansoprazole 30mg and have been for what seems like forever. They control my stomach problems....but hey, I'm a lot older than you and as we age we don't heal the same

      You're young and strong and healthy and should heal easily

      But like I say, Jack, this all takes time

      It's hard to be patient when we don't feel "right" but patience is a great healer in itself because freaking out thinking, I'm not getting any better, makes us worse

      We flood with adrenalin....then anxiety symptoms batter us

      Our stomachs react with an overdose of acid and we feel like crap

      So

      Honey, you will be okay.

      Did I not tell you a long time ago that I had a great belief in you? I am very proud of how far you have come, especially as you are so young and you have a courage and strength beyond your years...even if you don't realize it

      Anytime you have a worry or concern, you get in touch with me, okay? You know I will always, always get back to you

      Jack, you have a wonderful Christmas!

      There's a New Year coming so this can be a step forward for you, a clean slate

      Make it a good one, sweetiesmile

      I send love and encouragement

      Helen xx

       

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  • Posted

    Im sorry for your loss. This is a big deal jack. This is a lot to handle. And im guessing he was a big support to you. He still will be just not in body form. He would want for you to be ok and enjoy life. 

    You need grief counseling and honestly you need the love and support of your family too, im not sure if this is actual depression or grief and your own insecurities of how to manuever through life now. This all tales time to figure out. There are no rules on how to feel or man up when it comes to something like this.

    im guessing your not  religious or i would tell you to go to your olace of worship and see if that helps you. Youd be surprised. 

    Stop caring what other people think or might say and if you need to express yourself and talk about it..you do it. Manning up has nothing to do with dealing with your Dad passing..thats a cruel and heartless response. You know one day you have to be okay with all this, its getting to that point that you need love and guidance with. 

     

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