1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Depression

I relapsed with my self harming. :(

Posted , 4 users are following.

Weecara
Weecara

Hey I'm 21 going on 22.

I started self harming and having anxiety when I was a child I am still unsure why but I was very mixed up and confused at that age.

The self harming got really bad when I was a teenager. I didn't go into school.

Theripists just said I can't handle stress there was nothing mentally wrong with me which I do disagree with as I am still struggling today but I am learning to cope a bit better.

I stopped last year when I got into my new relationship as he told me he would be very upset if I did it again so I stopped.

As a child I grew up chubby and then as a teen I was very overweight.

One day I managed to loose about 50lbs and I did see the difference but still had a belly. When i got in my relationship I gained about 20lbs which has really upset me and I am now struggling to loose it. I hate my belly and the way I look I sometimes don't want to leave the house sad I bought a thing on groupon for laser liposiys (dunno if its spelt right) and I told my manager at work and she went "Oh you should'nt be doing that your going to give yourself mental problems when ur older" I just felt like saying "Already there!!" I don't think I'm depressed though I honestly don't know but I'm just feeling so drained over nothing. I get up about half 5 every morning in tears dreading to get out my bed to work.

Tonight I was helping out my mum at her tap dancing class and I was helping a woman with a routine and she wanted to record me so she could practise at home and when she was showing me it my belly was HUGE! i looked pregnant and instantly put me on a downer I messured my belly and it is too big to be considered healthy even though my BMI is apprently healthy. I know its really bad to be upset over and hurt your self over but I genually see myself as big as I was when I was 30lbs heavier I no longer see the slim body I acheived when I lost weight I just had to do it tonight but I did it in a way it looked like my cat's scratched me (the old excuse in the book) I am dreading work tomorrow I have so many aches and pains that a 21 year old shouldn't have I feel so guilty too coz I do know people have real problems and mine are just petty and attention seeking but I can't help it it's ruining my life I just wish I could accept the way I am but I can't it's not good enough and I never will be. 

sad

Any advice on what to do? 

2 likes, 82 replies

82 Replies

Prev
  • hypercat
    hypercat Weecara

    Posted

    Hi you are a woman and you are supposed to have a belly you know otherwise you would crack in the middle when you bend.   You say that realistically you are slim so you can't have a huge belly can you?  You say you are not good enough.  Good enough for what?  Who told you you aren't good enough?  Who told you you were too big?  Too big compared to what?  All the stick thin models?   No one can be like them and be healthy.

    I bet Kim Kardasian and JoLo were always told their bums were too big but they didn't let it hold them back so don't you please.  Not one of us is perfect and shouldn't try to be coz perfection is very boring and you will find people love you for your personality and quirkiness not because you are thin,  Honestly this is true you know.   I am not making light of your worries but I think most of have been where you are now.  Don't feel guilty please.  Your worries deserve to be heard as much as anyone elses.  

    I think you might be suffering from depression.  Google online depression and take the questionnaire.  Maybe a visit to the doctors might help.  Take care x

    • Weecara
      Weecara hypercat

      Posted

      I get what you mean. I think its because I used to be heavy and I have that fear of becoming that worthless and unhappy person again even though thats how I'm feeling. I don't want to be skinny I have a weird figure that all my weight goes to my chest and belly and I also have guy hips so I don't have curves. My boyfriend doesn't care as because I have big boobs it's great for him lol but I did messure my tummy and it's un healthy and apprently makes me more at risk for a heart attack or stroke in the future and I already have anxiety and get chest pains even pain in my jaw everything its a nightmare the only times I ever feel alright is when I have slept like 14 hours. Every woman in my family has a belly so it is a little bit of genetics too. Its not a belly with a tiny bit of blub it is pretty big and not natural for my shape of body sad I know its really bad I need to do something about it x
    • hypercat
      hypercat Weecara

      Posted

      So being heavy equates to feeling worthless and unhappy?  I am not saying it is good to be overweight but there are plenty of fat happy people around with good lives.   Being thin isn't a magical cause for happiness you know.  There are lots of slim folk around who are unhappy!  

      Too many people spend their precious lives agonising over their weight or their looks instead of living and enjoying their life.  We are only here for a short time so what a waste of life this is.   

      Unless you have health problems I wouldn't worry at your age of 21 about stokes and heart attacks etc.  This isn't realistic.  It sounds like you are an 'apple' shape like me.  Around 20% of woman are which means that all our weight goes round our stomachs which can make you a bit of a weird shape if you put on a bit of weight.  Yes they say fat around the middle is more toxic than other fat but I think you have been reading too many scare stories.  Time enough to worry about that if you become overweight or with age.  You should be enjoying your life when young instead of becoming obsessed about your belly and the risk of health problems.  

      To put it more into perspective - I am 60,  around 2 stone overweight with a big stomach.  I also smoke and have minor lung problems.  I had a check up at the doctors and they put me at 9% risk of having a heart attack or stroke in the next 10 years.  That's mainly because I smoke.  Stopping would cut that figure in half.  So taking those figures of 9% with all things being equal I would have a heart attack etc. in 50 years which would make me 110.  Ho hum.  So stop worrying yourself into an early grave please!  x

    • Weecara
      Weecara hypercat

      Posted

      I know I know it's just hard I have been thinking a lot about my past lately and its messing with my mind I just was feeling out of sorts the other night it was silly I do have anxeity which doesn't help at all but its gradually getting better as time goes on I was really bad last year with it I constantly had chest pains and had panic attacks it was hell i refused to stay in the house alone but Ill be alright I know I will it just gets really really hard and I find it hard to cope sometimes and end up back to my old ways sad x
  • richard89308
    richard89308 Weecara

    Posted

    I can see you want desperately to lose weight again so keep trying!  That is what is going to make you happy.  But at the same time try not to have all or nothing thinking about your image. It will come eventually you need to be patient in the weight losing process.

    Richard

  • Allycats
    Allycats Weecara

    Posted

    Well, I read the whole message and nobody should be telling you that you can't feel sad, this isn't me condoning it, as I want you to feel better-otherwise I wouldn't be writing this message. Sometimes we can have a distorted body image and that can be an illness, anhorexics have this problem-they literally see weight they don't have. If your bmi is perfect, then you are at the perfect weight. It's healthy for you to be at your weight and nobody can tell you differently. These supermodels you see are not healthy, they are literally on a constant diet and run similar risks to people who are really overweight. The media does provide you with an image of how people look, but often it plays on people's inadequacies for the sake of selling us stuff. Besides all this, looking a certain way is not what it's all about. Beauty is subjective and that really is true. Perhaps doing some work volunteering might give you that boost you need? I recommend being kinder to yourself, tell yourself that you love yourself and set aside a period of 10 minutes each day to give yourself compliments. Set a timer. Eventually you'll see good changes and start to feel better. You could have all the money in the world, but not be happy. It's about learning to love yourself and that starts out as a forced habit. Hope this helps.
    • Weecara
      Weecara Allycats

      Posted

      Thank you, I have always had these thoughts of myself somedays i dont mind other days it kills me. I know in time things will be ok again x
    • Allycats
      Allycats Weecara

      Posted

      Just tell yourself you're a powerful woman, not like these stick insects you see on catwalks. My cousins take this attitude and seem a bit Beyonce obsessed. Obviously the latter might not be your taste :D
    • Weecara
      Weecara Allycats

      Posted

      hahahaha if only they made a song about fat guts insted of fat buts if i had a big as and a flat tummy I would be flaunting it everywere! lol thank you xxxxxx
    • Allycats
      Allycats Weecara

      Posted

      To me and most guys who are capable of expanding beyond a primative cave-man-like state of thought, things like intelligence and kindness are really important and endearing, I had a great friend and absolutely loved her, she struggled with similar ideas. She used to say things like 'I have fat legs', which to anyone else seemed ridiculous, but to her it was real. She could have put on weight and I still would have loved her. To any reasonable man, personality is just as important as looks, you obviously need to fancy the person first, but as I said before, beauty is subjective concept. Everyone I've ever had a crush on has been mega intelligent and kind, but they're just my preferences. Also a lot of men like big butts and curvy women, without being too crude. Have you ever asked someone else's opinion, like your boyfriend, I bet he'll tell you nothing is wrong-I mean he chose to be with you.
    • Weecara
      Weecara Allycats

      Posted

      Yeah its sad us woman always feel that we are not good enough not just woman i know men feel like that too its sad sad my boyfriend says he doesnt care about my tummy fat without sounding rude he likes it as theres more to grab and he likes the warm feeling of my tummy when we are cuddiling he says he didnt get with me just for looks he liked my personality aswell theres a video/song i keep listning too shes a big woman but shes beautiful alot bigger than me but she suits it i dont suit being big but she sends a good message to woman who are insacure weather they are overweight or not 

      Emis Moderator comment: I have removed the link as it was to a site unsuitable for inclusion in the forums. If users want this information please use the Private Message service to request the details.

      http://patient.uservoice.com/knowledgebase/articles/398316-adding-links-to-posts

      http://patient.uservoice.com/knowledgebase/articles/398331-private-messages

    • Allycats
      Allycats Weecara

      Posted

      Didn't get the link due to removal, but I get the idea. We're our own worst critics, so don't think that you don't suit how you are. If you had to look at anyone 24/7 you would find yourself picking faults, that's just how we're taught to look at things, and you can change it! The next time you find yourself being critical imagine a stop sign and replace the thought with something you like about yourself insyead, make this a habit and do it every time for 2 weeks, you'll see changes. I can guarantee that the lady you mentioned has thought the same at some point, but then she probably chose to look at her good points. I would place a bet that at least 3/4 of the people on here would starkly disagree with you if they saw you .Take your bmi as strong evidence that you're wrong. I think you should listen to your boyfriend, sounds like an awesome bloke smile Just ask him to keep giving you compliments, see if that makes a difference, maybe alongside what I said before?
    • Weecara
      Weecara Allycats

      Posted

      Yeah thank you for your advice I will get there one day smile he is a good guy has his moments of course but so do i lol. I will get more confident as time goes on xxx
  • JayBags
    JayBags Weecara

    Posted

    Whuddup. Total noob here. Been following this thread for a few days now. First of all... the back and forth you and jake have going is adorable. Maybe you two should meet irl? Could be good for both of you?

    Secondly. We got absolutely robbed on Thursday, I agree with you (fellow Scot here)

    Thirdly:

    The fact you can open up and be able to talk about this is already a massive leap forward. Never forget that. I'm just getting round to it myself as the NHS sucks complete wang when it comes to diagnosing/caring about people with Mental Health issues.

    Anyway. You'll no doubt see me pour my heart out in a thread somewhere. Just enjoy the show that is JayBags.

    Peace,

    J x

    • Weecara
      Weecara JayBags

      Posted

      Hey! Glad you agree with me! yeah i heard that a woman killed herself because they wouldn't  send out help for her. 

      I am really dissapionted that people chose lies over this and a lot of old dears were scared into thinking they will loose their pensions my boyfriend and his family all voted no but they are half English so it's no surprise as they have loads of family down in England but we will have another chance we will keep fighting for it and we should be proud to call ourselves the 45% smile you take care smile

Back to top
Prev

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.