I think I have depression?

Hi Taylor - sorry to read of your dilemma. I can realte to the cruelty of your situation where someone spiteful has gone and poisoned people against you. It's a very hard pill to swallow, and difficult to unring that bell. I would suggest you see your doctor and explain all that has happened, just as you have on this site. I would ask for a referral to a psychologist/counsellor as it appears you have an anxiety disorder, and perhaps depression too. A counsellor will help with coping skills and will have suggestions as to how to overcome what has happened. The doctor may also prescribe some meds to try and help balance your mood while you are tackling the problem. In a away it's ideal that your boyfriend is off for basic training because you can deal with this while he's gone and will be more in control when he returns. While he is away, you need to keep positive in any communication you have with him as basic training is a stressful and challenging time. Any demands from you to him may push him away. 

The next thing is considering taking action about what the pastor did to you. You can lodge a complaint with the police, and/or with the church for which he ministers. He is supposed to be in a position of trust and will have access to many vulnerable people who are potential targets for his corrupt and hipocritcal behaviour. Even if there is no real outcome in this instance, yourcomplaint will be on record, and it will be crucial when he is caught again acting in that way - because he will. 

Those people who have condemned you are not worth knowing. Forget them. Suicide is not the answer. Instead you need to take affirmative action to deal with the psychological damage that has been done to you by that group of people. Best of luck for your future.

Hi Taylor,

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. It's rough when you're attached to someone who hurts you. I've been there. And the tough part is, you can't just suddenly become un-attached to him so you feel better. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that.

I see that you've been part of a youth group, assuming you're a Christian (like myself) May I suggest seeing a Christian counselor? Ive seen one for about a year to help me with my emotions from my mentally/emotionally abusive in-laws (who have slandered my name too) and my suicidal thoughts and anxiety. Long story short, a counselor is great at giving you coping skills, helping you increase your self confidence, and may help you just overall get a better handle on the situation. It seems the boyfriend can't straighten his priorities, especially having told you prior that you two would be married, and now this. Ouch. Definitely seek a counselor. Your doctor will be able to refer you to one. We all need someone to talk to when we feel like the world is against us and crashing down on us. Like I always tell anyone I try to help out on this site, you're not alone! You have my sympathy, sister!

-Rachel