I think I have depression?

Posted , 4 users are following.

My senior year I had tons of friends and my boyfriend (Wich I still have) this was 2 years ago almost. I had been going to my best friends church and got close to the youth pastor.. my friend got jealous because she had a crush on him. We were 18 and he had just turned 21. She started to get jealous and stuff so she stopped talking to me. Well I me and my current boyfriend took a break from eachother.. during that break I was spending alot of time with my youth pastor and his group of friends. He had always seemed aggressive but it didn't ring me the wrong way until one night he took me home and took advantage of me infront of my house.. I told my bestfriend and she didn't believe me so ( at this point I had dropped out of school) she went to school and told all of our friends I was sphyco so everyone stopped talking to me. Me and my boyfriend were back together and so he's all I've had from then to now. Ever since then I've been overly attached to him because I don't have friends. I have delt with anger issues Wich I never had before and I cry all the time and I never get sleep. I haven't had a job in a couple months and I just feel hopeless. My whole world revolves around my boyfriend because he's the only thing I have to look forward to anymore. We have been together since we were 15 and we're 20 now. Hes about to leave for the airforce and I don't know what I'm going to do. He wants me to get friends and start doing more things so he isn't the only thing I have because he knows it's not normal either. He wants me to be happy and I want to be happy. I've had suicidal thoughts but I know I don't have the guts to do it. I've tried to get jobs nut it just never seems to work out. My car is broken so I'm stuck at the house. So it's like I wake up and wait for him to come save me. I can't live like this anymore, I want to have a normal and happy life with him. We're supposed to get married and move away when he comes back from basic training. But I want to be happy then when we start our new lives. And I don't want to be clung to him like I am. If anyone has advice please say something

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  • Posted

    Hi Taylor - sorry to read of your dilemma. I can realte to the cruelty of your situation where someone spiteful has gone and poisoned people against you. It's a very hard pill to swallow, and difficult to unring that bell. I would suggest you see your doctor and explain all that has happened, just as you have on this site. I would ask for a referral to a psychologist/counsellor as it appears you have an anxiety disorder, and perhaps depression too. A counsellor will help with coping skills and will have suggestions as to how to overcome what has happened. The doctor may also prescribe some meds to try and help balance your mood while you are tackling the problem. In a away it's ideal that your boyfriend is off for basic training because you can deal with this while he's gone and will be more in control when he returns. While he is away, you need to keep positive in any communication you have with him as basic training is a stressful and challenging time. Any demands from you to him may push him away. 

    The next thing is considering taking action about what the pastor did to you. You can lodge a complaint with the police, and/or with the church for which he ministers. He is supposed to be in a position of trust and will have access to many vulnerable people who are potential targets for his corrupt and hipocritcal behaviour. Even if there is no real outcome in this instance, yourcomplaint will be on record, and it will be crucial when he is caught again acting in that way - because he will. 

    Those people who have condemned you are not worth knowing. Forget them. Suicide is not the answer. Instead you need to take affirmative action to deal with the psychological damage that has been done to you by that group of people. Best of luck for your future.

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  • Posted

    Hi Taylor,

    I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. It's rough when you're attached to someone who hurts you. I've been there. And the tough part is, you can't just suddenly become un-attached to him so you feel better. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that.

    I see that you've been part of a youth group, assuming you're a Christian (like myself) May I suggest seeing a Christian counselor? Ive seen one for about a year to help me with my emotions from my mentally/emotionally abusive in-laws (who have slandered my name too) and my suicidal thoughts and anxiety. Long story short, a counselor is great at giving you coping skills, helping you increase your self confidence, and may help you just overall get a better handle on the situation. It seems the boyfriend can't straighten his priorities, especially having told you prior that you two would be married, and now this. Ouch. Definitely seek a counselor. Your doctor will be able to refer you to one. We all need someone to talk to when we feel like the world is against us and crashing down on us. Like I always tell anyone I try to help out on this site, you're not alone! You have my sympathy, sister!


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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply, yes I am a Christian but I don't have money right now so I'm just leaning towards my faith for now. I think you might have misunderstood though, I'm not attached to someone who hurts me. We love eachother very much and we do plan to get married. But it's me who needs to get my priorities straight as he's the only thing I focus on, and he wants me to experience life in a happy way and not how I am at the moment.. I do agree I need counseling though, having all of my best friends turn on me and being taken advantage of by a youth pastor of all people really leaves a person to feel hopeless. I appreciate you giving me advice, thank you so much. smile

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    • Posted

      Ah I see now. I misunderstood when you said someone took advantage of you, I read it as your boyfriend... and I interpreted that your boyfriend was pushing you away by telling you to make more friends, but I see now by how you described that he is trying to get you in a good direction, but you're just focused only on him. It sounds like depression by the ways you described feeling because I've been diagnosed with it. A counselor really helped me out, and I'm sure you would be able to benefit too, especially having trauma from what happened with the youth pastor. Just ask your doctor!

      Sorry about misunderstanding :o

      And yes. Faith is all we really can lean on, that is true. Keep your faith strong!

      Do have many hobbies? At my lowest depressed points, I didn't not care about doing much at all.

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    • Posted

      No its totally fine!

      But yes, I've felt this way for quite some time. I've found that working out helps. And I'm an artist, soon to be tattoo artist.. but I've found that I've lacked motivation to do art witch has never happened to me before. I barely get sleep and when I do I wake up super late in the day and I hate that. I talk to God every day and I pray about my problems in beliefs that he will deliver me from this, I guess it's just a matter of time.

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    • Posted

      So sorry, I've been meaning to reply, haven't gotten to, and days have passed! I have interests that totally mean nothing to me when I'm depressed. I don't sleep well either. I can tell you I've been diagnosed with depression. Whatever happens during the brain with depression (low serotonin) can cause these things. Keep praying, I am too. I have both good days and bad days. I often feel tired and fatigued yet can't sleep well at night. 

      Have you seen a doctor yet? Mine referred me to Christian Counseling Associates, I'm not sure if they're in other states besides PA.

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