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I have always been a little neurotic. especially when it comes to the potential for a relationship. For example whenever I start liking a girl I really start liking her. But If we're hanging out in a group I have a stutter(have had one my whole life) so I don't talk as much or be as charming and outgoing as I'd like when I have my bad talking days and I would see her talking to other guys more than me and enjoying it more than talking with me even though her and I have kind of been dancing around the idea of liking each other, but its been vague and hasn't been revealed yet. but once I start thinking the girl doesn't like me, I start envisioning things that she would do that would hurt me. Like i'd imagine I would ask her out and she would say yes but then when I go to pick her up and she would be with another guy and she'd say well sorry I just like him more. I know this whole fake scenario is indeed fake but it still upsets me. I think I do it as a defense mechanism to ease the pain in the event that I find out she really doesn't like me. I do this for every girl I like. Or even with potential new friends. I don't know how to change my behaviors to stop being sad and dwelling on things like "she doesn't like me as much as other guys even as a friend" or "they don't think I'm as cool as that other person" No body knows I do this or even thinks I'm upset when I see them cause I try to hide it because I realize no one likes to be around a person like that who is always down on themselves or is always sad about things that I know probably aren't even true. This has been going on for a long time now maybe 4 to 5 years. And there will be long stretches of time when I'm completely fine and am confident in myself but it never fails to come back when I meet new people I think I'd like to be friends with or ,more often, girls I'd like to be in a relationship with. Sorry for this being so long, I was just wondering what this is called and some effective behavior changing self treatments I could do since I can't afford to go to a psychologist. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.
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