I think I may be depressed and have a lot of anxiety, what do you think and what should I do?

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I have always been a little neurotic. especially when it comes to the potential for a relationship. For example whenever I start liking a girl I really start liking her. But If we're hanging out in a group I have a stutter(have had one my whole life) so I don't talk as much or be as charming and outgoing as I'd like when I have my bad talking days and I would see her talking to other guys more than me and enjoying it more than talking with me even though her and I have kind of been dancing around the idea of liking each other, but its been vague and hasn't been revealed yet. but once I start thinking the girl doesn't like me, I start envisioning things that she would do that would hurt me. Like i'd imagine I would ask her out and she would say yes but then when I go to pick her up and she would be with another guy and she'd say well sorry I just like him more. I know this whole fake scenario is indeed fake but it still upsets me. I think I do it as a defense mechanism to ease the pain in the event that I find out she really doesn't like me. I do this for every girl I like. Or even with potential new friends. I don't know how to change my behaviors to stop being sad and dwelling on things like "she doesn't like me as much as other guys even as a friend" or "they don't think I'm as cool as that other person" No body knows I do this or even thinks I'm upset when I see them cause I try to hide it because I realize no one likes to be around a person like that who is always down on themselves or is always sad about things that I know probably aren't even true. This has been going on for a long time now maybe 4 to 5 years. And there will be long stretches of time when I'm completely fine and am confident in myself but it never fails to come back when I meet new people I think I'd like to be friends with or ,more often, girls I'd like to be in a relationship with. Sorry for this being so long, I was just wondering what this is called and some effective behavior changing self treatments I could do since I can't afford to go to a psychologist. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

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  • Posted

    Hello Justin.  Well you lack confidence and get anxious, but I don't think you have depression.  A doctor would be able to help you.  On line there are also questions you can answer which will help you understand how you feel and whether you are likely to have depression.

    You obviously know how your thinking affects your actions, and I suppose you will have to try and be more confident.  I think we overthink things, and we cannot know what others are thinking can we?  Be yourself.  You sound like a lovely caring person.

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    • Posted

      Wow thank you very much, that last sentence felt great to read, and didn't feel empty. I was beginning to think my discussion was too long for people to want to read. I know I'm not very confident and acting like I am only goes so far. thanks for the reply. I can't afford any professional help at this time but I'll keep looking for self help for confidence online!
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    • Posted

      I was told by a physchologist that I needed to be more assertive, so I did read a book about that.  But we are what we are.  We cannot all be outgoing and confident.  People will take you as they find you.  Don't stop being who you are.  

      Girls you meet may feel as you do.  You will find the one who is right for you. 

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  • Posted

    Hi Justin, I think Anne summer it up, confidence, self esteem and anxiety.

    you probably are over thinking which is something I do (hyper vigilance) but have a look at a website Centre for Clinical Interventions and the What? Me Worry! Course it's a free modular course about worry and can put things into perspective.

    im on module 4, it's really easy to read and do. 

    I had very similar hang ups in my teens btw and I've been married to my first serious girlfriend for 22 years! You sound like a very good catch for any young lady! 

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