1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Depression

I think I may be depressed but I'm too afraid to go to my GP about it

Posted , 8 users are following.

cablackett
cablackett

So for the past 5 months I have been feeling really down. I was in a relationship with this guy and I was head over heels in love with him and I still am. I put everything I had into that relationship, we was living together and decided to start trying for a baby (he pushed for it to start off with and I ended up saying yes.. I wanted to spend the rest off my life with him and I do want children so I thought why not). One day he messaged me at work out of the blue saying he didn't want to have children with me anymore, he didn't know if he wanted me, and he didn't think we had a future together. I felt broken receiving this message I broke down at work. That night I stopped at my mums. We spoke and he said he missed me and he wanted to try with me. So we tried but ever since then I havnt been able to shake this feeling of sadness. I used to cry every single day at work, sometimes up to 4 times a day, but I never told him and I pretended like everything was ok with him. I couldn't understand how one day he was telling Me how much he loved me and that I meant the world to him and then the next day him not wanting me.

I was offered a new job at work. More responsibility and working with the management team. But I was on my own for a lot of the day and thoughts would run through my head. I'd cry. I even took some days off work because I just couldn't handle it. I wasn't eating properly. In the end I told my manager I couldn't do the job. I found it hard to concentrate and remember things which is not like me at all. He understood, he knows what's been going off in my personal life and he has actually been great at work. He always comes over to me to make sure I'm ok.

After a few months of trying with my partner he told me on holiday he didn't know if he loved me anymore. I didn't think it would hurt as much a second time round. When we got home I packed my bags and left I said I it wasn't fair him keep doing this to me and I wasn't going to sit around while he decided on weather or not he wanted me.

It's been a month now since I left and I just feel so worthless and empty inside. I'm physically and mentally exhausted. I have got to the point where I just don't see the point in life. I still cry a lot. Some days I just don't even want to get out of bed. There's been weeks where I have gone 3 days at a time without eating. There's days where I can't sleep and then other days I can sleep from when I have got home from work right through until I have to go to work again the next day because I'm just exhausted. I've been isolating myself from my friends. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it because they just tell me I've got my whole life ahead of me.. Il get over it. I just can't seem to shake this feeling. Which is why I thought I would try on here.

Is this depression or am I just sad.

I'm really sorry for the long post. There's still so much I have missed out but I just don't know what to do anymore.

I'd really appreciate any advice. Please can someone respond to me xxx

2 likes, 25 replies

25 Replies

Next
  • iris46
    iris46 cablackett

    Posted

    I think you have typical symptoms of depression.....you are suffering a major loss in your life and reacting to it, and it doesn't surprise me. That's what kicked off my depression....losing my only brother.  You need to talk to your doctor who will be very understanding, and maybe give you a mild antidepressant for starters and suggest you go for Talking Therapies/CBT.  GOOD LUCK
  • laura11452
    laura11452 cablackett

    Posted

    Hi

    Is this your first serious realtionship?

    You have to give yourself a pat on the back for walking away from someone who was not looking after your feelings..I can 100% see why you would be heartbroken after investing so much into the relationship.. I am sure you feel so let down, messed about, your trust broken etc etc..

    Your bound to be very sad and crying is very much a part of heartbreak..It will take time to get over this pain but you will in time..It does not seem like it at the minute because it is all so fresh and painful..

    I know its hard when someone rejects you and it has a big impact on your confidence..You cannot expect to give so much into a realtionship and then to heal over night.. That why so many people struggle with divorce.. Your not on your own when your feeling like this.. I have went through it myself and it was one of the most painful experiences of my life.. I felt like you did..Its a time thing and trying to get on with everyday the best you can and believing you are very worth it..That his behaviour is no reflection on the person you are...

    I would agree with Iris that a trip to the doctor just to get some support while your healing will do no harm and be patient wiht yourself..

     

    • cablackett
      cablackett laura11452

      Posted

      Hi

      No its not my first serious relationship. Before him I was in a 4 year relationship who I have bought a house with but it just wasn't working. He changed and in the end I left him for my last ex.

      This past few days I've found out so much about him. He had been meeting other women while he was with me. Makes me feel why wasn't I good enough for him. But no one ever will be. He's got me in a few thousands of pounds in debt and he did the exact same thing with his ex. I can't seem to get over any of this. I've been trying to keep busy but I saw him with another woman on Sunday and I got really upset and rushed off and had an accident. Now I'm on crutches, can't walk without them at the minute. So I'm stuck in and can't stop thinking about everyone. I'm so scared of the future I don't know what to do.

      I feel so stupid being used and falling for his stupid little game! X

    • laura11452
      laura11452 cablackett

      Posted

      You have nothing to feel stupid about.. This guy seen a genuine decent woman and played her..Not to take away from the hurt your feeling and betrayal.. This is happening all the time to so many women and men so your not on your own..

      I couldn't believe it had happened to me.. i don't think like these people do.. its not in my nature to be so manipulative and to use someone like that.. Its not in yours either hence the reason you couldn't see what he was doing..

      The positive is your out of it now and I know your very very hurt,  but there are women who don't leave these situations and totally lose who they are as a person..

      The second postive you have learnt so much from this guy's behaviour and it will hold you in good stead for when your ready to move on..

      Be kind to yourself and know that eveything happens for a reason and this guy was definitely not for you.. Something better is round the corner..

    • cablackett
      cablackett laura11452

      Posted

      Thankyou laura

      He plays all women. He's spent a few thousand pounds on my credit card decorating his house... Buying his kids presents.. Holidays etc. He used me. He did the same to his exs and same the the women in his future.

      Your right some women do stay in these relationships and I'm glad I found the strength to finally walk away from him. As much as I want him, he's not the person I thought he was and that's what I need to remember. The person I fell in love with doesn't exist. He was made up by a lying manipulating poor excuse of a man.

      Thankyou again. Thankyou for replying to my post. Means a lot xx

    • laura11452
      laura11452 cablackett

      Posted

      You have a few bad knock backs wirth your dancing and ex.. But you will grow strong from these experiences but it will take time..

      I was in exactly the same situation..Fell in love with a guy that didn't exist.. Absolutely broke my heart.. It was one of the hardest things i have ever had to deal with.. the fact someone lied, manipulated, and controled my life and i couldn't see it.. Something deep down told me something wasn't right.. But I kept ignoring it thinking this is all in my head.. Something clicked one day and I knew it wasn't all in my head.. I walked away right away.. But I was still in love with him.. I had to go through the emotions of hurt, pain, anger, rage, loneliness, fear, stress etc etc etc.. 

      But I got there and today I know he is still the sad messed up guy I met.. But I am stronger, happier and learnt so much good stuff about myself..

      You will too..It will take time.. I would agree with everyone on here to go and get some support..You have absolutley nothing to be ashamed of.. As i said at the start you have been through a lot..

  • hilary95948
    hilary95948 cablackett

    Posted

    Hi cablakett, your not on your own here....... I lost my Husband 3 years ago, then went onto a dating site after about 18months, it was stil too soon, but you think you know best, met someone eventually, He loved me after about 3 weeks, i was flattered, but thought, Hey this is all too soon,....  carried on seeing him, but lived a good distense from me, it was all to quick too soon, then the same thing happened to me, he was also a Widow, The tables turned and we finished, then a few month we got back,  was not the same anymore,....... the whole lot put me on antidepressants, so even I got hurt at my age, I know it is crazy, but you will get your strength back, believe me, I am now on Prozac, I  will get there, and so will you, you will be the person you were, cos that is what I intend to do...... Hilary x  smile

     

    • cablackett
      cablackett hilary95948

      Posted

      Hi

      Thankyou for sharing hilary. It helps hearing other peoples stories. I hope you keep on finding your strength.

      I've had several guys ask me if they can take me out for a drink and I've said no. I'm just not ready yet.

      I'm really trying to stay strong. I've been trying to keep as busy as I can to take my mind off of everything but on Sunday I saw my ex with another women. I got really upset, rushed off and had an accident. Now I can't walk properly at the minute. I'm on crutches. So now I'm stuck in not being able to do anything and all I can think about is my ex and what he has done xx

  • KMRC
    KMRC cablackett

    Posted

    Good for you for packing up and leaving.  He didn't deserve what you have to give.  Thank goodness you did not have a child because you would likely be raising the child alone.  It is natural to be depressed after a break up.  It's called broken heart syndrome and it a real thing that happens after a death, break up or even having someone you love live, but have a catestrophic illness that changes the dynamics of the relationship. A great therapy is to get a pet to care for.  It helps you because you get to love something that will love you back unconditionally.  No manipulation or torture.  Doesn't mean you shouldn't address your depression, you should.  But an animal that you are responsible for is a great uplifting gift you give yourself.
    • cablackett
      cablackett KMRC

      Posted

      I'm glad I didn't fall pregnant.. I found out yesterday he actually has another child he never told me about but he doesn't have anything to do with him.. That is a good idea. At least I'd be able to love and care for something and that wouldn't hurt me xx
  • laura08496
    laura08496 cablackett

    Posted

    hi there!

    cablackett, how come you are afraid to see the doctor and ask him for some help? are you afraid of what he might say. he's the only one that can tell you that you may suffer from deppression, or you are just simply depressed because of your boyfriend. if he cant tell, i'm hopefull that he can give you the name and number of someone who will be able to give you answers.

    but i just wanted to mention something. it's very normal to feel depressed about how your boyfriend is confusing you. once i was seeing someone for a couple of months,and we spent christmas eve together. on christmas day, he broke up with me over the phone, and by new years eve, we were together, and then broken up again. i was exhausted by the whole thing. and my depression got worse. i just had to let him go. for good. it wasnt good to feel so hurt so often. not worth it.

    • cablackett
      cablackett laura08496

      Posted

      Hi

      I don't know.. Incase they think I'm being stupid? It's not just my ex that is getting me down. Everything just seems to add onto each other. I used to be a dancer but I had an accident a few years ago. 2 operations later I can't dance again. I saw my ex on Sunday with another woman and got really upset and rushed off and had another accident. Now I'm back on crutches and seeing the knee surgeon on Wednesday. I just feel like I can't catch a break at the minute. What's the point anymore? It took me ages to get out of bed this morning because I've got nothing to get up for anymore.

      I'm still struggling to eat and people keep commenting on my weight saying I've lost a lot and I know it's not good for me but I can't help it. What am I supposed to do xx

    • laura08496
      laura08496 cablackett

      Posted

      hi sweetie! ugh, so you saw him with someone else? i dont blame you for running off. its a shame that you injured yourself. and then with crutches. so you dont see a future in dance. which i guess is your passion and something you get out of bed for. you need to get the excitment going again. join or volunteer at another dance studio. just be a passionite assistant. share your gift with others. some day you will teach perhaps. we dont know know how our futures turn out. we just need to find something rewarding every day for NOW. i am sorry people pick on you for being so slim. i hear it all the time. not because i am thin, its because i've become fat! some think i am pregnant. i feel like (and look like) a fat rollie pollie. why are people so ignorant and nosey at the same time? i dont even want to go out for fear of running into people. not a great way to live. i am in my own prison (my bedroom). but i need to always remember, to try and live life for me. not others. if we all could treat ourselves like we treat our best friends! wouldn't that be nice!

      i still feel bad for you because you are right in the middle of it. this situation will manifest itself, and then go away. nothing is forever. i know personly, i look for instant gratification. sometimes, thats when we are likely to get on the wrong path. i am sure you've heard this before....just hang in there for now. you deserve the best, girl. peace and love to you! from someone who understands, and cares. like all of us here. take care!

    • cablackett
      cablackett laura08496

      Posted

      Yes. People have also seen him with other women while we was together. No one will ever be good enough for him. He's a 42 year old man. He had me, I'm 21. I've got my own house and my own car, a well paid job, I was willing to take on 4 children. I was a 100% faithful and I guess he decided he had got what he wanted out of me and move on to the next woman. He's done it to all his exs.

      Oh that's awful. People are just so mean. They don't know what you've been through. They just like to judge. You really need to try and ignore it, as hard as that is (I know it is) but don't give people the satisfaction of not living your life because of them. Growing up I was always called fat and looking back at pictures now I actually wasn't. So I've always been self conscious about my weight and have always tried to loose it.

      Thankyou very much. It's nice having people write back to me. Complete strangers are posting to me to help me. It's lovely. Shame everyone isn't like this xx

    • laura08496
      laura08496 cablackett

      Posted

      thank you for YOUR reply! something you said has helped me, and my current attitude.  it was when you said something about not giving others the satifaction of not living my life for myself. how true that is. and very wise. i now realize that i am wasting my life because i am consumed by what others think,....oh what a waste of time and energy. you know, people have told me the same thing before. i dont know why i still haven't gotten through that thick scull of mine. thanks for your reminder. this time, i hope it sticks. bless you girl!
Back to top
Next

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.