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So for the past 5 months I have been feeling really down. I was in a relationship with this guy and I was head over heels in love with him and I still am. I put everything I had into that relationship, we was living together and decided to start trying for a baby (he pushed for it to start off with and I ended up saying yes.. I wanted to spend the rest off my life with him and I do want children so I thought why not). One day he messaged me at work out of the blue saying he didn't want to have children with me anymore, he didn't know if he wanted me, and he didn't think we had a future together. I felt broken receiving this message I broke down at work. That night I stopped at my mums. We spoke and he said he missed me and he wanted to try with me. So we tried but ever since then I havnt been able to shake this feeling of sadness. I used to cry every single day at work, sometimes up to 4 times a day, but I never told him and I pretended like everything was ok with him. I couldn't understand how one day he was telling Me how much he loved me and that I meant the world to him and then the next day him not wanting me.
I was offered a new job at work. More responsibility and working with the management team. But I was on my own for a lot of the day and thoughts would run through my head. I'd cry. I even took some days off work because I just couldn't handle it. I wasn't eating properly. In the end I told my manager I couldn't do the job. I found it hard to concentrate and remember things which is not like me at all. He understood, he knows what's been going off in my personal life and he has actually been great at work. He always comes over to me to make sure I'm ok.
After a few months of trying with my partner he told me on holiday he didn't know if he loved me anymore. I didn't think it would hurt as much a second time round. When we got home I packed my bags and left I said I it wasn't fair him keep doing this to me and I wasn't going to sit around while he decided on weather or not he wanted me.
It's been a month now since I left and I just feel so worthless and empty inside. I'm physically and mentally exhausted. I have got to the point where I just don't see the point in life. I still cry a lot. Some days I just don't even want to get out of bed. There's been weeks where I have gone 3 days at a time without eating. There's days where I can't sleep and then other days I can sleep from when I have got home from work right through until I have to go to work again the next day because I'm just exhausted. I've been isolating myself from my friends. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it because they just tell me I've got my whole life ahead of me.. Il get over it. I just can't seem to shake this feeling. Which is why I thought I would try on here.
Is this depression or am I just sad.
I'm really sorry for the long post. There's still so much I have missed out but I just don't know what to do anymore.
I'd really appreciate any advice. Please can someone respond to me xxx
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