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I think I might be depressed and I don't know what to do and how to tell my mother about it.
im 14 years old and I know that teens go through that teenager stage where they feel sad all the time or something but this is different.
i get so upset over anything and I've been feeling like this for 1-2years now, I go around school and I'm happy and I don't stop laughing but as soon as I go home the happiness disappears, I automatically feel sad and I just go to bed and don't leave unless my mother calls me for food. When I'm in my room all I do is listen to music and literally cry, I cry for hours and hours and if my parents ask I say I've been to sleep or something along them lines. In year 9(I'm in year 10 now) I used to self harm really badly, the cuts went from the top of my leg down to not far off my knee and they were all up my arms, the only thing that stopped my was my mother because she used to always go nuts about cutting and make threats so I stopped as soon as she got supicious. Now all I do is stay in and cry, I go to sleep at 4am and wake up at 7-8am the same day. My insercureties take over me, where ever I walk my heads down I keep quiet and hide my hands with my sleves. Where ever I go it feels like people are judging me, I can't sit in my class room without feeling chrostophobic and my head spins I over think it all and I just can't deal with it. The worst part of it all is how lonely I feel and the amount of times I think about suicide. I feel like there's nobody here for me no matter how many people say they are there for me I'm still alone and I can't talk to anyone about how I feel so I keep it all bottled up until the night and then I cry it out or I'll go in the shower and cry until it is just not possible for me to cry anymore. And with suicide, it goes through my mind 24/7, I see things around me and I just think about different ways on how I can use that to end my life, like I'm on tablets and I researched how many I had to take to overdose and I had to then stop myself from taking them for a couple days because I would just stare at them and think how easy it would be to take my life and quick it would go by. I seriously think I need help but I don't know how to explain all this to my mother because I know she won't understand me and I just can't talk to anyone about it. I'm scared and I feel so lost, but I'm not. It's like I'm lost in my own head and I feel empty and confused and I just need help, please someone help me, I don't know what to do anymore and I really just give up with everything I'm even crying writing out this, please I just need help.
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