I tried

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I tried telling my mum about how ive been feeling and that I can't cope anymore she just told me that my life is perfect and I can't be feelings this way as I have no reason to what's the point anymore

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  • Posted

    Hi Katie

    On the face of it you mothers comment does sound very harsh but the thing to understand is that her daughter saying something like this must have been a shock. Denial is a natural reaction because accepting it is to say that she never noticed. I hope that makes sense. I'm certainly not saying her reaction was right or good. I'm just saying she may need time to realise her mistake in what she said.

    Your priority however right now is you. If you are feeling hopeless and can't cope there is really always help. Friends and family but also your doctor is there to help. Make an appointment with your GP. If you have a close friend, talk to them. A problem shared n all that smile

    There is always hope out there...sometimes you need to ask for a little help to find it.

    I hope this helps even just a little

    Take care

    D

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    • Posted

      I left it for a while and tried speaking to her again it's like I have to validate how I'm feeling. She's trying to brush it off as if I've just had a bad couple of days. In her mind I just have these meltdowns and be a 'drama queen' for a couple of days then go back to being fine but I'm not fine I reach a breaking point and it just comes out I can't cope and she's just standing there telling me I have no right to be feeling this way and that I'm just a dramatic teenager and I can't get it through to her how much I'm struggling, she tells me that she sees me happy so I must be fine. She's trying to pin point it down to one thing and tell me what's wrong with my life how to fix it and then I'll be fine, she feels that ive only now expressed this is because I'm drowning in school but in reality what I'm feeling has caused me to have a f**k it attitude what's the point any more when I try and try and nothing I do or nothing I am is ever good enough it's taken me so much to tell her and shes just made me feel like a stupid child that I don't know what I'm talking about and my feelings are invalid it's like screaming at a glass wall nothing's going through all I desperatly want is for someone to understand
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    • Posted

      Sometimes it takes someone who doesn't know us very well and doesn't have a preconception of who we are and what our personality is like to see the bigger picture. When your mother is forming an opinion on what you are telling her she can't help but apply what she thinks she knows about you, not to mention as Hypercat mentioned, as she is so close to you she may feel responsible and/or guilty.

      If your at school, college or university ask for help there. They have counselors available or at the very least can point you in the right direction. Make an appointment with your GP. If your not comfortable talking to them right it all down and let them read it.

      Asking for help is the hardest thing sometimes especially if it's from someone you don't know but in your case it may be what's needed to get the understanding you are looking for.

      D

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  • Posted

    Is there a school counselor you can talk too? 
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    • Posted

      I briefly mentioned this my coursework teacher just that I was finding it hard to cope and had a lot going on, the thought of bringing up a potentially undiagnosed mental illness made me feel sick I cant stand the thought of this getting round my school to all of my teachers. She said she'd have to report what I said back to the head I persuaded her not to but if id brought all of this up I know she would have regardless. There is no one within the school I could talk to in confidentiality therefore i'd rather keep it to myself.
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  • Posted

    Hi what your mother is doing is denying your feelings.  I am sure she doesn't mean to do this and is just being a bit thoughtless.   She might also be feeling (irrationally) guilty or that she could be to blame for this.  Mothers are human too you know! 

    You sound very young so I guess you are still at school.   Do you have a school counsellor your can talk to?   x

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    • Posted

      I'm 18, Im not willing to speak to anyone about this it's taken so much courage to confront my mum and that hasn't exactly helped if anyone I thought she'd understand it's just been a slap in the face really, I don't see how anyone will help me with this Id rather try on my own for fear of being laughed at by anyone I ask for help
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    • Posted

      Don't be silly Katie!  Just because your mum doesn't understand doesn't mean no one else will.  A counsellor will have heard this sort of thing lots of times before so seek help from a professional.   There is no way they will dismiss you or laugh at you.   

      If you are unwilling to do this and can sort it out by yourself then good for you.   Help is out there if you decide you want it.  If you find it hard to find the words then write down how you feel and give it to the counsellor.   x

       

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    • Posted

      Hey Katie, 

      When I first started feeling depressed I didn't tell anyone and that just led to more drastic and desperate times. I do believe that you should do everything in your own time so I won't tell you to run to your GP straight away, do it when you feel ready, you are in control of this. 

      But, to me it didn't make much sense to talk to family or friends about what I was going through anyway, I figured, 'all they'll do is tell me to go speak my Dr' or they might let me down, their judgments and opinions may make me worse. So, they still don't know to this day. I did however, go and speak to my GP eventually and I am so glad I did, I'm lucky - my GP is so caring, kind and supportive and so now I see her every month and am on medication and have just started counselling. 

      I tried everything I could to make things better on my own, I climbed a mountain, I travelled to America, I got myself a degree, tried to socialise, moved cities - none of it worked and I just self harmed more and more and became suicidal. Now, things are on track but, depression - for most - is not something you can do alone. Go speak to somebody who knows how to handle depression and mental illness, they will give you the respect and compassion that you're seeking and that you deserve. 

      Good luck x

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    • Posted

      I want to see my gp but I'm finding it incredibly difficult to pluck up the courage to go I dont want to waste their time I feel theyre going to have the same reaction as my mum tell me I'm just a teenager that I'm fine and just dismiss how I actually feel.

      My school have called my mum in for a meeting tomorrow to discuss how to help me stay on top of work. I know whatever they decide won't help no one understands or have even tried to understand that there's a reason I'm so drastically falling behind. The thought of this meeting makes me feel physically sick ive told my mum not to repeat anything I said to her but I know she thinks I'm just a pathetic teen and that is probably going to get passed on. It's the last day tomorrow then I have a week off. I know it's only one day to get through but that feels like an impossible task. One of my teachers sat down with me today and just made personal digs at me, we don't get along anyway but she just sat there and accused me of being a liar, I know it's going to happen again tomorrow like it happens everyday I get stamped on and made to feel so small.

      No one has cared enough to see what the issue is that there couldn't possibly be a reason for this. I am really really struggling now. I don't think medication would help which is another reason I'm hesitant to speak to my doctor I think therapy might but I don't know where to go and I don't have the money I feel so stuck. I can't get through to people just how hard this is now

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    • Posted

      GP's get paid to listen and help you, it's their job - so don't feel guilty about going, you are 100% not wasting their time, they do in fact deal with patients coming in to speak about depression/stress every day, it is nothing new to them and they're very good at dealing with it. If you're really concerned, maybe when you ring up you could ask if there is a particular Dr at your surgery with a special interest in mental health who you can speak to.

      The one thing I can guarantee that they won't do is dismiss how you feel, but I totally understand your worries, I felt like my heart was going to explode just calling up to make that first appointment, I was so scared but, I am so glad that I went! 

      I can't tell you what your mum does or doesn't think, you may be right, it's probably easier for her to think that you are just being a moody teenager. When I first told my mum about my anxiety she laughed and told me I did not have any anxiety problems and that I should not have told the Dr. that I did. People are not always good at dealing with mental health issues, it's sad but it's true - it may make us feel let down but, it does not mean that everyone out there responds in the same way, you will be shocked at how understanding a lot of people are about these issues. 

      Are you in the UK Katie? I know that here (UK) if you are under 18 you get immediate, free counselling sessions for a perioud of about 12 weeks (three months) and then further sessions/group therapy if it was needed. You don't have to go on any meds, your GP will be able to tell you what they offer where you are and talk you through everything. 

      I'm not surprised that you feel stuck and frustrated, make the appointment to see your GP, I really think speaking to somebody who will be empathetic and understanding will help you quite a lot.

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    • Posted

      yes i currently live in the UK, i completely understand what you have to say, after reading peoples bad experiences on this forum about doctors dismissing their symptoms and giving them a de-stress guide or something along those lines its just made me more anxious. Im so scared of going. Im not sucidal and feel like that would further increase the possibility of them just shrugging this all off.
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    • Posted

      Not all doctors are brilliant with these issues but the vast majority will be helpful and understanding, sometimes a lot of the bad experiences on this forum come from patients who have been seeing their GPs for a long time and tried numerous meds and therapies but still feel low, in which cases I think some GPs get frustrated. But, as a young person seeking help they will almost certainly be friendly, understanding and helpful. 

      When I told my GP that I was scared that nothing would ever make me feel better, no meds, no amount of counselling, she looked at me, held my hand and said that if none of it works, she'd still be there and that we would find another way to get through it together. Most GPs are wonderful, I'm very lucky to have mine. 

      The doctors will be relieved to hear you're not suicidal rather than dismissive due to it so don't worry too much, just be honest them, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. As you are still in education you will receive help quickly and for free. You can always have access to free counselling here in Britain but, when you leave education sometimes waiting lists can be a bit longer. I'm 21 and get my counselling for free, I had to wait about 4/5 weeks for it which isn't too long. 

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  • Posted

    hi katie

    ask your mum to understand by reading this forum ?maybe that will educate her to understanding what you ar going through

    take care

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