I've been depressed for 3 weeks,how do i become better

yeah, i have family and friends to support me,but at times like this i feel alone cuz I lost someone i love.so even if theyre there to help,they will never fully understand.im sorry youre going through that,its a sh*tty feeling.

I'm glad you have people around you. I understand what you mean about feeling alone even with people there! 

I'm having a really bad day today. Worse part is I don't have anywhere that I feel safe :-( just heading back into my office to try and get through the last hour of work. 

I wish I could switch my head off. I keep getting thoughts of driving round to see the guy I was seeing. I logically know that it would be embarassing for a start, there is nothing I have to say to him and I certainly wouldn't get any answers to things I wanted when I was seeing him. Yet I feel like if I am on my own I will lose control and go see him :-/ I feel like a complete loser and like I should be over this. I bet anyone reading this is like just forget it - I am trying, I really am. Not even exercise is helping to shift my mind, I've been doing meditation. I hate every minute of every day at the moment :-( 

I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm kinda the same ,the first week of the break up I called the guy three times crying. But let me tell you something,you shouldn't do what you're thinking of doing be stronger and even though you think you can't I'm sure you can. If I could do you could do it. We just need time to forget them. Good luck and I'm here if you wanna talk. And remember he's not worth it it'll make you stronger. 

I have been really strong so far, despite one slip up where I replied to a message he sent me. I know that I am strong. And I do have moments where I feel better! Just lots of change with starting a new job at the same time. I just don't feel myself. I am doing well and getting out to exercise and keeping myself busy at weekends but I still feel like a failure 

It's just hard,I know I need time but it's like what you said I do feel like it's the end of the world cuz of the breakup. I hope I feel better soon. I need to thanks for your advice 

All the time. It sucks. After my breakup I think about it more and more and I just want all of this to go away

Do you find thiking about it helps it go away? x

Not at all just makes it worse. But I don't know how to stop thinkin about it. And I know people say keep busy,but even at times when I do everything is still on my mind. 

Exactly.

Well avoidance won't work because that just makes it stronger.

What id do is set a 'worry time' for each day say 4pm. When you get feelings/thoughts of depression or sadness tell yourself you arn't forgetting about it but you will deal with it at 4pm. At 4pm have a ten minute worry.

You can't stop thinking thoughts about it, but you can deal with the thoughts in a different way which will have less of a negative impact on your life.

What do you think x  

I like the sound of this! I'm going to give it a go 😃😃😃

Its really painful to get over a breakup, I know I have been there too. But it passes. Worrying does not allow you to realise that it will pass, because it wants answers where there are non eg when will this stop? By trying to figure out these answers, you are pro-longing the process. It will take aslong as it takes however there will certainly be an end to it. So please have faith. Worry time allows you to have a structure to your day again and see that it does not control you, you control it. XX

I feel silly as the guy I'm getting over didn't even want to be my boyfriend so can it even be called a break up? I'm so scared of being alone - I just to love my own company and not be bothered. I am constantly thinking what if's. I haven't tried the structured worry time as get but I definitely am going to - to allow myself to know that it is ok to feel upset and to miss a person who was in my life  - only a few months. I feel so alone and like no one understands how bad I am really feeling. I used to get such a buzz from exercise and I just feel flat whenever I do it these days but I am keeping it up to tire me out! 

I think you arnt getting the buzz from excercise because you are doing it for a different reason. What used to be your reason for excercise? Use that reason instead of tiring you out.

I didnt want to be with my partner but it still deeply upset me once we split up. Why question your feelings? Would it be ok to just let them be without an explanation? Try it and see. 

What are your reasons for not starting worry time yet?

Do you feel as though worrying may 'help' you in some way?

You are never alone x 

Your reply is amazing Sarah! Really has got me thinking. I'm just back from the gym and I pushed myself to lift heavier weights and I got the buzz - I exercise to better myself,  to challenge myself and see what I can achieve! It felt good! I exercise to stay healthy and to get stronger in mind and body. 

I am nervous about the worry Time incase I can't stop! I have been trying not to react when I have thoughts - like something reminding me of the guy and just let them pass. 

I think I am used to worrying and I use it as a way of protecting myself and not moving forward. 

Brilliant! Buddhism teaches to keep the mind and body in balance. Im so glad you enjoyed it. 

I would question whether worry is protecting you. If it is protecting why has it not made you feel better yet? Just as a person tries to dig themselves out of hole, they make that hole bigger.

If you are used to it, you are right that it will be a hard habit to break, but as with going to the gym you will know that habits can be created and broken. 

If you can postpone worry until worry time, does that show you that worries are controllable and therefore you can then postpone again till the next day?

If you postpone worries until then, how do you know that once worry time arrive you will even need to use it?

Great stuff on allowing them to pass! 

X