I've been depressed for 5 years, what should I do?

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I am 24 years old male. I am the youngest of three sons. During my childhood I saw a lot of family quarrels.Throghout my childhood I was very shy and afraid of strangers. I loved to hide myself behind my mother or brothers. I spent my entire childhood in dreamss.In my childhood I once saw sex between my parents.I used to dream about various sex acts.When I began to go to school I was really afraid. I had difficulty to talk to others. I hardly heard what others say. When I speak my sound was too low so no one can hear. I was very  quite. But my friends were  little restless. I considrered  as a good behaving student. When I reached higher classes I used to score good grades. Be quite and study well was my policy.But I had difficulty in talk to people and deal with day-to-day life.I had difficulty to make connections,remembering routes while travelling.I used to miss lot of details which everybody notices. When I was highschool I was in a boys only school.. When I was in mixed school I rarely talk to a girl .One day a priest who was a family friend invited me to his room . He put his hands in my privates and asked me to be more strong and active. I felt insulted.I decided to be more "strong". I decided to be a film director so I can meet lot of people. When I joined college I choose physics so  I can join a film direction coruse later. But lately I dropped the idea because I feel I cant deal with people. 

. I hanged out with wrong friends. I used to stalk girls and skip classes in order to prove myself I am no longer a naive boy. But when a girl said I was

a good person but now I changed into a bad person I began to feel guilty.I scored poor grades in semester exam .I began to feel depressed. I also felt isolated from community.All my 

relatives were catholics but I turned  into an atheist. So I began to feel lonely at college, community and at home. One day I began to feel severe depression and I 

don't want to go college. I wanted to see a psychiatrist.  I was afraid to say it to my family.. So I decided to go to a physician but I all I said was I had 

headache. I began to take medicine for 

migrane. I find very difficulty to study.  One of my teacher said if anyone find difficulty in studing science can move to arts. So I decided to move to arts  but my father didn't approve .

I began to feel anxiety to meet people.I told lies after lies to stay at home. . I joined distant education and pretented as studying online. But all was doing watching porn.I addicted to porn.One 

day an old classmate called me and said she was missing me badly.  She inspired me to continue my studies. But when I rejoined the college  I began to 

feel anxiety. The day before the first exam I really panicked and stopped going college.I wanted to die . Few times I decided to continue 

studies but I feel more and more depressed. I attempted suicide few times. I pretented as preparing for entrance exams or searching for a job all these years. Now 5 years passed. I am still depressed. My family want me to get a job immediatly. 

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi I am not surprised that you are no longer a Catholic  after that physical abuse.  you have to see it for  what it was as an invasion which may affect you in many ways.

    I can see that you are an inward thinker or introverted where your brothers were the opposite because they were outgoing  fighters.  Relationships come   with life experience.   Keep trying and you will get there.


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  • Posted

    Never be afraid to seek help because of what your parents might think.  I would suggest seeing a good psychiatrist who will listen to you and evaluate your problems.  Physicians can only do so much and they're not trained in a specialist's field.  The psychiatrist can diagnose the depression which is always partnered with anxiety and give you a treatment plan.

     And never think about suicide again - you're 24 and have a wonderful life ahead of you no matter what you think at this moment in time.  Take the right steps on changing your outlook and I am sure - no certain - that the healthy solution is out there by talking with a specialist whose goal is your all important mental health.

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  • Posted

    You have your whole life ahead of you.  It's time for you to see help with a psychatrist who can help you change what is behind you and give you the tools and medicine for you to be able to move on and have a wonderful life.

    You must think of yourself right now and not worry about your family or what others think.  There are many of us like you who have struggled with anxiety and depression a long time.  There is lots of help and hope for you.  Please see someone as soon as you can.  You can always come here to vent and others will help you to have courage to seek that help.  Sue

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  • Posted

    Sorry to hear this man.

    Are you still in school?

    Does your school provide counselling?

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  • Posted


    Sorry your having a rough time.

    Get some help from a doctor or a therapist and dont be afraid

    You are amoung friends here

    Stay Strongcool

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