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I am 24 years old male. I am the youngest of three sons. During my childhood I saw a lot of family quarrels.Throghout my childhood I was very shy and afraid of strangers. I loved to hide myself behind my mother or brothers. I spent my entire childhood in dreamss.In my childhood I once saw sex between my parents.I used to dream about various sex acts.When I began to go to school I was really afraid. I had difficulty to talk to others. I hardly heard what others say. When I speak my sound was too low so no one can hear. I was very quite. But my friends were little restless. I considrered as a good behaving student. When I reached higher classes I used to score good grades. Be quite and study well was my policy.But I had difficulty in talk to people and deal with day-to-day life.I had difficulty to make connections,remembering routes while travelling.I used to miss lot of details which everybody notices. When I was highschool I was in a boys only school.. When I was in mixed school I rarely talk to a girl .One day a priest who was a family friend invited me to his room . He put his hands in my privates and asked me to be more strong and active. I felt insulted.I decided to be more "strong". I decided to be a film director so I can meet lot of people. When I joined college I choose physics so I can join a film direction coruse later. But lately I dropped the idea because I feel I cant deal with people.
. I hanged out with wrong friends. I used to stalk girls and skip classes in order to prove myself I am no longer a naive boy. But when a girl said I was
a good person but now I changed into a bad person I began to feel guilty.I scored poor grades in semester exam .I began to feel depressed. I also felt isolated from community.All my
relatives were catholics but I turned into an atheist. So I began to feel lonely at college, community and at home. One day I began to feel severe depression and I
don't want to go college. I wanted to see a psychiatrist. I was afraid to say it to my family.. So I decided to go to a physician but I all I said was I had
headache. I began to take medicine for
migrane. I find very difficulty to study. One of my teacher said if anyone find difficulty in studing science can move to arts. So I decided to move to arts but my father didn't approve .
I began to feel anxiety to meet people.I told lies after lies to stay at home. . I joined distant education and pretented as studying online. But all was doing watching porn.I addicted to porn.One
day an old classmate called me and said she was missing me badly. She inspired me to continue my studies. But when I rejoined the college I began to
feel anxiety. The day before the first exam I really panicked and stopped going college.I wanted to die . Few times I decided to continue
studies but I feel more and more depressed. I attempted suicide few times. I pretented as preparing for entrance exams or searching for a job all these years. Now 5 years passed. I am still depressed. My family want me to get a job immediatly.
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