I've been depressed for a few years now, I think its changing to me losing my mind

Posted , 4 users are following.

I've been struggling with depression for a while now, I've been doing great at keeping a brave face but lately its hitting me harder than it ever has. I live alone in a town that I don't know anyone, I've been calling in sick for work just because I can't face the day... I think I'm starting to lose my mind, things that I'd never consider doing have been coming to my mind and its honestly terrifying me. I always thought that I could get through whatever life throws at me. I recently had a conversation with a friend and he told me that he knows things have never been good for me but if anyone could handle it, that its me. When I got home I just completely lost it, it was a full on breakdown. That night it dawned on me that I'm not as strong as people think I am. I don't know how to handle myself anymore! I know I won't kill myself, I've cut before but after my sister killed herself I stopped. I don't really know why I'm here I guess I had to tell someone

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Eddie.

    I'm alone too. Many people think I'm strong because I get-up and go to work, but I come home and cry because of the loneliness.

    I'm not sure how to deal with it . I'm to depressed to make decisions for myself. Doing things in haste will make me more depressed my mind is clouded with racing thoughts.

    You may need to use your time off work to try and decided what you can do to change things.p.

    I'm saving hard so I can move to get away from old memories.

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    • Posted

      I feel for you, I'm the same, I've thought about moving but I honestly struggle to get by after paying rent. I don't get enough hours to be able to save money its a bit of a loop. I do wish you the best of luck in your move, I think it would be good if you pace yourself

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  • Posted

    Hi Eddie,

    This is your first step to asking for help, and we'll done you for choosing this site. It's not easy when you think your telling all and sundry that your hopeless, or worthless or just a sheer waste of space. We have all been there, some of us still are, but by writing it down does release it. None of us are here to judge you, tell it like it is ,we understand.

    Keep in touch and don't bottle things up let it go.


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  • Posted

    Hi Eddie - so sorry to read of your situation. How crushing that your sister suicided. Some things to ponder: has suicide been a feature in your family line? Id depression a familial trait? Have you recieved any counselling in the wake of your sister's suicide?

    Eddie, putting on brave face now and again is one thing, but having to constantly wear that mask is quite something else. Depression is a beast that controls itself - we cannot wish it away. We have to act to bring it down. You have taken the first and most important step - you are talking about it and reaching out. The next step is to make a doctors appointment and discuss what is happeneing with you. Meds may be prescribed to even out your mood and will take 3-8 weeks to take full effect. There may be some adjusting of meds and/or doses to find what is right for you. The meds are only a tool, and should be used in conjunction with counselling - whether with a psychologist or a therapist, where you can dig down inside and dredge up the pain and deal with it in safe place with a professional you can trust. It will be difficult at first, and it will be painful, but the insight you gain as well as the release will help you see sun on the horizon. 

    It is not strong to deny pain. It is not brave. Strength and bravery are the traits required to face that pain head on and deal with it. Anticipate it. Control it. Triumph over it.  Make that appointment. Remember you are not alone. We know what you are suffering and are always here to talk. Best of luck to you.

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  • Posted

    Hi Eddie

    I hope you are well.

    Listen, something which you must always keep in mind is that however you feel about yourself at any given moment you are likely being too self critical and not giving yourself enough credit that you deserve.

    For all of us there are times and stages in which we struggle very hard to see light, however this doesn't mean that there isn't light (if you know what I mean). Part of getting to the stage where you do feel better inside MUST involve seeking help from everyone that you can. This can include close family and friends, your doctor and in this case a therapist/counsellor.

    I van tell you for sure that I am going through a similar situation, but the minute I started getting help and doing my research things began to improve. You are much much stronger and more stable than you think believe me.

    Keep me posted and hope this helps.

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