I've been depressed for nearly 1year, what should I do?

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Hi i am 23 year old..i completed my engineering degree last year but havent got a job..though i dont want to do a job right now instead i want to go for higher studies..i had a relationship of 4 n half years that was ended 9 months ago..she was the most importent person in my life..i really dont know how to express my feelings for her but I REALLY LOVED HER.we were in a same college..after college she got her dream job and within 6 months someway somehow we fall apart.she wanted me to have a job/to get a admission to some top colleges instantly..but at that time it was very difficult for me to produce instant results..i tried to make her understand but she havent listed to me or my family members..she put all the blame on me for not getting anything & move away like it was nothing but just a GIVE or TAKE relationship & this pain haunts me a lot..& it happened just before the exam which i need to qualify for higher studies..i cried,Screamed a lot at that time..but somehow i qualified that exam moderately(i tried to tell her about that but she shown no interest)..i did'nt get a good depertment/a good college and now again both the career and the past is hurting me..i tried a lot to find out what have i done wrong but it seems the harder i am trying the more i am getting depressed..so i losing motivation for my studies,daily life.i feel i dont have friends..i thought of suicide everyday but i somehow i cant do that..its like i feel i am stuck between life and death..my body is alive but my mind,happiness,thoughtfullness all died with the broken relationship..i tried to forgive her but i couldnt forgot her and my health is getting worse..headache,tirdness,overweight...but my parents are very helpful.they helped a lot then..but somehow i always feel alone..i believe i dont knowe anymore what are my dream,why am i doing this or that..its all kind of void for me..can you please help me...

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  • Posted

    Hi.  I'm sorry that you've had a bad time.  I imagine lots of people have told you that you will get over your girlfriend, but I know that at the time it can seem like it's never going to happen.  She obviously wasn't the right person for you and I expect that you didn't do anything wrong but she had unachievalbe expectations of you.  The whole point of relationships is to work out whether you are right for each other and it seems like she wasn't supportive of you and it therefore left you feeling that you had to do more to impress her.  I'm sure she also had lots of good qualities that you loved, but you will find someone who is right for you. 

    In the meantime it is important that you put yourself first.  Don't worry about other people but concentrate on what you want.  Sometimes the only way to find out what that is, is to try something new.  It took me years to find out what I really wanted to do in life.  If you think it might be going on to study, then have a look at some universities, or if you're not sure you can defer for a year and try something else while you figure out what you want.  If you get the chance to try volunteering this can be very helpful and there are lots of opportunities if you have a look online.  This can sometimes also lead to a job or help with working out what sort of job you want.  I had to re-take my GCSE's and then retake a year at Uni.  After that I went into a few jobs that were OK, but not exactly what I wanted, until I took the chance to volunteer at local museums and festivals then I realised that I wanted to be involved in events.   I've had a few failed relationships, some that I ended and some that they ended.  It's never great but it helps you to learn about what sort of person you are compatible with and what you want from your next relationship.

    Basically, don't beat yourself up about stuff that hasn't worked out.  There are so many opportunities out there.

    I would also suggest that you go to see your GP and explain how you've been feeling.  They will most probably want to give you some medication, which isn't ideal but it may help you in the short term until you feel strong enough think about what you want and go for it.

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    • Posted

      First of all THANKS A LOT for replying..

      My parents also use to say she is not the perfect match for me but on those 4 years she made me believe that she will be with me in difficult times(those words,promises & everything..i believed them from my heart) but when it really came and i wanted help desperetely she was gone..i could'nt match the words of her from past & present & its not because she was gone hurts me(definetly it feels bad) but the reasons she showed me,the way she embarresed me in front of her & my parents hurts a lot..i also could'nt discuss this relationship failure with everybody because i always assume people will tell me its my failure because we are supposed to get a job after study..this is the 1st time i am publicaly discussing them.

      About my career i also want to give the entrance exam in the comming year and score good but sometimes i feel so hopeless,depressed,low self esteem that i stop working..though something in me tells i can do it..but it creats a moral delima that i could'nt able to come out from..

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  • Posted

    There are plenty more fish in the sea arabinda; don't forget that.  It must have hurt you a lot to lose her but she was fairly harsh with you by the sound of things during the breakup.  Try not to feel guilty or ashamed of your achievements.  I am still struggling with level 1 uni courses so don't feel so bad.

    chin up

    Richard

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    • Posted

      Thanks richard..

      yes maybe i am beating myself too much about that..i always try to get out of that but i failed every time..may be i was not trying hard..but will definitely try to change things..

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  • Posted

    try and think about therapy along with any meds, this helped me, if u can manage to do the things your mind tells u not to (postive things) its a great step forward, try to get into a routine with this as well, it well help, very hard to take that first step of doing things u used to enjoy but do it if u can
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    • Posted

      thanks peter,

      Yeah i also believe doing those positive things which my mind reject in bad times is a step forward and i am also able to do that in recent times..like after the breakup i dont want to talk to outsiders or go out or attend a social function..but i am backing myself to do those things and make my mind occupied as much as possible..and honestly it paying me back in positive way..

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  • Posted

    Hey, I know she seems special. I've been there. That's a long relationship. You need to cut yourself some slack. Look at all you've achieved, an engineering degree that's really cool. It sounds like you deserve someone who respects you a little more. Usually when somebody says things like that it's a way of taking out their own inadequacies on you. You don't need someone like that, I haven't even met you and I think you deserve better. Listen to some angry music (Rage Against The Machine/Cypress Hill is good might not be your taste though) and go jogging, cardiovascular exercise releases endorphines. Talk to people your friends, your family about how you feel. My brother got out of an 8 year relationship and it affected him, he didn't show it, but we could all see he suffered silently-that's not a good coping mechanism, you need to talk to people) He's now with someone else and is very happy. THERE IS HOPE hang in there, you'll find someone else just stop looking and focus on your hobbies. or maybe taking one up. Sorry if I sound patronising I just really want to help.
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    • Posted

      hey thanks a lot al04554..you dont sound patronising..you know today i was again thinking about those words she said but somehow i managed to come out of it and started studing..and really it felt nice..but i know there will be also some failed attempts to push aside the past and come to main stream..but i am trying my best to move on..now i am leaving in a hostel for my masters degree..so spending a lot of time with new frinends and also trying to get myself busy with something.. and about finding someone i dont know and also not sure that i can again have another relashionship in my life..but again life is full of mysteries..!!
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    • Posted

      Im sure you will find someone else, the thing is I don't think you should focus on that, from what I've reason happiness too many people rely on outside material things like a job and relationship. Ultimately I think what makes someone happy (this is backed by psychological research too) is being content with what they've got. Its a good idea to keep a journal about 3 things you're greatful for each day and make a habit of it. Another good idea I came up with is to watch for when I think something negative about someone or myself and come up with 3-5 positives. It's difficult at first, but then it becomes like a game and it's brilliant for bringing about a positive mindset-which is everything. Like attracts like so if you keep at it you'll see positive change. Have you ever seen people in Africa who are in really difficult situations, but they still smile? I can remember a man whom when asked why he was still smiling said "I smile because I don't want my family to worry, it gives hope. Another thing you can do is smile for 5 minutes every day, set a timer. Good chemicals are released into your body, you'll feel cheesey at first, but it'll help. Try watching comedy too if you've got access to a tv or youtube, this is a good way of finding a light hearted perspective on worries. Meditation and mindfulness are two practices you could look into as both have been scientifically proven to relax you. Back to my earlier point did you know builders rated highest in happiness out of all of the other occupations? Builders tend to have more social connections because of the nature of their job, they're also working outside doing physical work (regular exercise) and their job carries a sense of achievement/ accomplishment
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    • Posted

      yahh you are right..am also trying to be content with my achievements..i also started workout for 1 or 2hrs and it feels great..and about comedy i am a person who loves to bring laugh to persons face and also for myself to laugh out loudly but somehow i stopped doing that but again i am starting to recover my good habbits..hope it will take away those frustration..thanks for all your help..it truely meant something to me..
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  • Posted

    You are so young.  This is just a blip.  I wish you could see that.  Believe me, so much more is coming is coming your way.  So many opportunities for love and work.  Just keep moving forward.  
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