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I guess i'm writing this because i can't really take this anymore.
I've been living with depression/anxiety now for the past 7 years.In the past, i had my dark moments but they were generally some good moments in there too, and at least i had emotions, a control of my sanity and a feeling like even with my problems...life was worth living.
But over the past 2 years its become near unbearable. I 've never felt so alone as during my depression i've pushed away pretty much anyone who loved me and wanted to help, pushed away any opportunity to improve my life in terms of my career or personal life because i tell myself
i don't deserve it and that no one would ever accept me.
I've tried taking drugs and drinking to ease my mind, but it only makes me worse.I've been to counselling and have taken anti-depressants but that hasn't worked either and my mind seems hell bent on keeping me in the hole i'm in.
Life just doesn't seem worth living to me.I don't care about anything and i don't enjoy anything anymore for 2 years now and i've kept myself alive because
A)i'm too much of a coward to kill myself
B)I don't want to upset my close Family as they're the only ones i feel who love me
I hate and resent my friends.
I hate my job.
I've never had a close personal relationship.
Most of all i'm dissapointed and ashamed i've sank this low and have become so pathetic.
I Just want this to end.
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