Posted , 3 users are following.
I don't really know what to say. So, I'll say a bit about myself. I'm 15, a Pisces I go to a grammar school and I'm deemed as a good student.
For the past 2 months I've felt really down, confused and anxious. I've cried myself to sleep pretty much everyday with a few exceptions where I felt numb. When I cry I hyperventilate and can't stop until I finally calm myself down. It can take 20 minutes or 3 hours. I personally don't think I have panic attacks though. Maybe?!
My self esteem is quite bad, I never feel I'm good enough sometimes. I sometimes get confused as to why my friends like me. I find myself being scared to simply ask for help or go to the shop across my street or to town alone. I'd keep on telling myself I can do it. I'd check I've got everything I need over and over again at least 3 times. Then I'd run over all the things that can go wrong.
I get along well with my friends. I can be fun and outgoing but I sometimes feel bored and too tired to join in on the fun. I've even made excuses to not hang out with them even though i kind of want to there's a larger part of me telling me I don't. I've made plans with a friend and regretted it later on telling myself I'm too tired, I don't want to etc.
My friends have commented on how slow I am when walking, talking and I always sound tired. I forget things often. For example I'd be thinking something and forget 5 seconds later. It's awful.
I've lost my appetite and I sometimes go a day without eating or simply eating some of my dinner to please my parents. I feel sick when I look at food sometimes. I used to eat a lot! I loved food and I miss that when it was easy to just eat. And now I can't be bothered to make toast, or pot noodles.
I over sleep sometimes, sleeping for more than 12 hours. sometimes I have late nights watching TV. Even when I sleep at like 8pm I'd wake up at like 2 or even 4 ift mum wakes me up.
I've stopped playing all the sports people would say I'm 'talented' in. Like swimming, athletics, netball I was so sporty. I used to love to draw! Now I just watch TV and sleep. I haven't done these activities for over a year. I even quit piano.
Lastly, my temper. I easily become angry now and irritated. Mostly towards my family. I lock myself in my room the whole day because I don't want to be nagged and also because I'm scared of being around my family.
My grades have fallen slightly and I don't do homework cause I procrastinate and end up stressing more.
I've had some suicidal thoughts, I haven't self harmed I don't think that's necessary though sometimes I feel like doing it. I've done alternative harm like snapping a rubber band on my arm leaving marks and swelling.
I feel I've been through this for nearly 3 years now sometimes worse days than others.
Am I depressed? Or being a teenager or being silly?
1 like, 7 replies