I've done something stupid.

Posted , 5 users are following.

In the past I've taken several overdoses. Three times I've ended up in hospital. The last time my kidneys where affected, luckily they recovered. I've never done it to end my life. More out of desperation and on impulse and after alcohol.

To cut a long story short i took an over dose on Friday after drinking. I woke up the next day feeling so utterly disappointed and ashamed of myself. I can't believe I did it again. I was sore in my kidney area and I couldn't pass urine. I couldn't face telling my husband, he seemed so happy. I just couldn't face bringing him down. Its now Monday and I am able to urinate but am still sore. I told my husband what I'd done, of course he was upset but really wanted me to see a doctor. I just can't face telling people what I've done. I feel so humiliated and ashamed. And from past experience I know doctors and nurses don't all sympathise in these cases. I feel so stupid and wish I could take it back.

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    I think you need help from a counsellor. Perhaps the first step would be to go to your GP and ask if they could arrange an appointment for you. If you are feeling that doctors are unsympathetic to you I think that is part of your illness. You are brave to be writing this but be brave and go and seek help in the real word. Good luck Maggie W

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    • Posted

      Hi there, I see a counceller once a week and do find its helping. What I did has come as a shock to me because I've been doing better recently. I see my doctor once a month, I have a good relationship with him. Its some of the hospital staff that haven't been very understanding in the past and it makes it hard to want to put yourself in there hands.

      With respect as I know you are trying to help. I feel that people often discount your feelings and perception about every situation when your depressed and put it down to your illness. I have not misjudged someone's attitude toward me or imagined it. My husband was with me and also thought that I wasn't being treated sympathetically. Sorry if I'm being rude, I don't mean to be and I do appreciate you taking the time to write

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  • Posted

    My heart goes out too you, i think you should see someone you are not alone. Good luck
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  • Posted

    Look don't be so hard on yourself!!! I've done the same myself and tend to get even more anxious after the event worrying about what others think!! I've tried CBT and am currently waiting for counselling. Chin up we'll get there without being judged by others they'll never understand until they have been at the same low as we've been. Unfortunately casualty staff are not trained to deal with the issues surrounding this. Take care and will be thinking of you Xxx
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  • Posted

    Hi, I'm really sorry to hear you're in such a bad place. I really think you should go to your doctors ASAP (or maybe A&E if you're in pain). I know that sometimes problems from overdoses can be insidious and just creep up on you without realising the extent of the damage. I know it's cr*p being treated badly by doctors but the last thing you will want on top of everything else is severe organ damage.
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  • Posted

    Thanks to everyone for your kind messages, I have made a doctors appointment and I will go even though its hard. I am seeing my counceller tomorrow. I feel better knowing I can talk it all over with her. It will be hard to admitt what I've done to her, but I know counselling will only help if I'm honest. I'm just so disappointed I let myself down. I'm feeling physically a lot better so hopefully I've been lucky. I know I should be prepared in case I've done some damage. If only we could undo these things.
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    • Posted

      Hello my friend,

      Acting on these urges is all part of the illness/bad state we are in. Please don't blame yourself for acting in this way. There may be consequences but try to put the past behind you and focus on the present. If you ever feel that low again, please try to talk to someone (perhaps ring the Samaritans). It can help to put some space between our negative spiralling thoughts and the urge to act on those thoughts. I go to group mindfulness therapy once a week, and although it has taken a while to get the hang of it, it has helped me to rationalise my emotional urges and not compound my suffering from the depression. It doesn't suddenly solve all your problems but it does allow you some perspective and "control" if you give it a chance. It's much like meditation but the end result isn't to suppress or bury the unwanted emotions so it can seem counter-intuitive at first.

      Sending you a BIG hug and wishing you all the best. Let us know how your counselling is going.

      Digsby xx

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