I've got social anxiety and just joined uni, what should I do?

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I am 18 and have just came to university. I was hoping that due to a fresh start I would stray from my old ways of being nervous and shy, unable to talk to people. However, that hasn't been the case. I live in halls and have not been able to make conversation with my flat mates, I see this as a big problem because I wanted to make new friends and try to come out my shell. Generally I can't speak to girls more so than boys, I get extremely insecure and embarrased worried I will say the wrong things. It doesn't help that the girls in my flat are both very attractive. However, I am still unable to talk to them, scared to even leave my room, worried I will accidentally run into them and have an awkward converstion which makes them think I am weird. I just don't know what to do it's taking a big dig on me, as I am starting to see myself as a loser who can't do things every normal person is able to do. Please, I just need some advice as to what to do, I generally like all the people here but they are starting to think I dislike them because I won't talk to them. Anyways, any advice would help.

Thankyou

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    Hello SA

     

    When we start mixing with our Peers as we begin our new lives many people find the mixing very hard as you are starting on a new journey. Understand the girls in your Halls will feel the same and will all be just like you UNCERTAIN.

    You need advice and encouragement on the best way forward as Uni Courses are long and hard. Eventually you will find your feelings for those around you will grow and you could make friends for life

    All I can suggest is you make an appointment with the College Social Service team they will give you encouragement and understanding.

    You could also have words with your GP weather home or Uni they can arrange coping skills with treatment plan to give confidence so you can enjoy your new situation.

    BOB

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    • Posted

      Thanks a lot. I appreciate the advise and have thought about going to someone before but never follow it through. I worry that I will get judged if I do attend something or see someone that could help. Often feeling like a person shouldn't need to see someone that it should just be natural and I will get over it. So yeah, I never end up going to see someone and never actually tell anyone that I feel this kind of awkward and uneasy feeling.

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    • Posted

      In medicine one of the main things they say is they are not there to judge.

      Talking clears the sole so it is a very good positive step to take.

      You need to understand your concerns and that will help you move on

      Give it a try, you may be very suprised

      BOB

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  • Posted

    Hey listen.. I have the same exact problem as you bud! Always have always will. I dont know where you're from.. But where im from people tell me i have a resting ***** face. This is when your face looks like you're mad all the time.. When you actually arent.. And people tend to think you're stuck up or so snotty.. When the reality is that you're the nicest person ever.. Who is the exact opposite.

    You sound like one of those shy guys.. And to be honest.. A LOT of girls already find that attractive. They actually like it when guys are shy because they think its cute.. Also they like it because it shows that the guy may be more emotional and relatable.. So you're pretty much already on the right track.

    I know that it could be hard to talk to girls because they tend to do more rejecting than guys ( from what i seen ) or they act like they're too hot for you. You mentioned that you're two roomoates are very attractive.. Are they nice to you? Do you think that you could be friends with them? Do you get along with them? Even if y'all dont talk that much? Think about those things first.

    You're not a loser!! Trust me on this! Girls love the shy and awkward guys ! Maybe not all but i know a lot do! We would rather have the so called "shy losers" than the effing **** boys we get around here 🙃 They aint worth any girls time. Those girls probably think you're cute ! Do you consider yourself attractive? You dont have to be a hunk like Brad Pitt or Chris Hemsworth or whatever but do you think you're good-looking? I cant tell because i dont know what you look like.

    You need to build your confidence up! Girls love confident guys too! But dont get too cocky because that could be a turn off. Maybe try to dress nicer, or get into a hobby like drawing.. Or playing an instrument! Girls love that. Also compliment them!! You will make their day! I gauruntee it! Find what you guys have in common too. Get into a show.. Do you have netflix? If you dont get one and if you do get into a show like stranger things or greys anatomy. You guys can talk about your favorite shows too!

    If you have any other questions hit me up! ( reply back )

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    • Posted

      I don't have any issues with my flat mates, in fact they all seem like really nice people. One of the girls the other night said that I should go with them for pre drinks and that all the block will be there. But, I said no because a room full of lots of outgoing people really doesn't seem like a place I would want to be. 

      I mean I wouldn't know if they think I am attractive or not because i have no idea of how to tell those things. In regards to my own looks, I don't really know, I guess I am alright looking, not quite sure as I don't really rate myself much so yeah.

      I doubt they would watch the shows I do, currently watching Mr Robot and yeah very much doubt either of the girls watch that. I just don't really know how to hold a convo for long so I tend to say one or two things then just leave out of pure embarrasment/awkwardness.

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    • Posted

      Yea, im kind of the same way.. When im around a lot of out going people i end up leaving because its just not for me. I dont know how to hold conversations for that long either.. It could be difficult when you're shy . Usually it could be one of those things that just flows.. Like when a conversation starts.. One thing leads to the next and then it goes on and on and on. But I DO see where you're coming from.. Because im 17 and a junior in HS. I dont really have that much friends at my school. Btw i go to an all girls school... So i dont really get the "real" hs experience. Sometimes it could be difficult for me to hold convos with guys too.. Or i'll say something stupid also! Especially if they're REALLY attractive. I'll even get clumsy and fall or something.. Its embarassing sad

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    • Posted

      Well I say don't judge a person completely on what shows they're watching. People like diversity u wud be surprised.

      If it's not too late to change ur mind try to go. Yes there will be outgoing types there but trust me there will also be other types just as nervous.

      They may never ask u again if you say no which wudnt help ur cause.

      This is one of those times in ur life where taking a risk will pay off.

      If anything, the fact that u just go regardless of how it pans out, will be a personal victory for u.

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  • Posted

    I am a fairly shy person and have difficulty in this type of situation. It can be difficult but you can get batter at being social. I am seeing a GP for anxiety right now. I just moved to a new city after a divorce and more recently a weird breakup. I don't know anyone and I panic going to meet people but panic I don't have friends. So I just made the decision to book myself with a social group. I figure if lots of people like what I like their they will find it easy to start conversation with me and help me warm up.

    Take care

    B

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    • Posted

      Sorry to hear about what happened. But yeah going to social groups doesn't seem like a bad idea I just can't really talk in groups especially as I don't like being the centre of attention so tend to stay away from larger groups of new people in fear that I have to face that situation.

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  • Posted

    Ur so right it's easier said than done. Telling urself your going to behave differently and actually doing it are so different. I had the same problem thru out all my life feeling really insecure when it came to talking to girls.

    I think ur just going to have to take the plunge and make the effort. Perhaps be honest and just say that ur trying to be more social now that uve joined uni but sometimes you find it overwhelming so just be patient with me. It's a case of exposing yourself if you feel safe to do so. But sometimes this honesty can pay off.

    Remember to listen and don't rush to answer. Everyone needs a bot of time to answer or respond. Ask them if they are feeling the same.

    I think just continuing to remain out of their way will just prolong and reinforce this behaviour making it harder as time goes on.

    We all hav to take risks sometimes and I bet it won't be so bad once u have interacted. Things are never as bad as they seem after the event.

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  • Posted

    Hey dear, I too have this social fear & worry alot about making my self a huge embarrassment infront of others

    Im not used to talk to people and still scared to ask questions in classes because im too afraid my question will be stupid..but all that wont go unless I take step outside my comfort zone. This is too scary, im not able to do it yet but if I didn't I will be stuck like this forever..your first year in uni & you're nervous but, arent everybody's are? Its a new place , new environment everyone will be little tense

    Don't beat yourself up after any situation you think you was weird or said the wrong stuff. Be gentle on yourself..try with ur flat mates..initiate conversations asking them about their major and how's it? How was the first classes..dont try to please anyone, if u feel u have to be in a certain way for them then screw them

    If u notice any chance for conversation take it and dont lose it..dont let your fear/shyness take up on you..take this as an experiment,,u will make mistakes because you have no experience in this..so its ok to make mistakes ,learn from them, its a chance to learn. Take it from this approach and it will be easy on you a little bit..we are afraid of initiating conversation and talking to others because our brain will bring up the last bad one we had *which was long long ago* and make us believe it will end up in the same way every time..so imagine you have good experiences in the back of ur head, you wont struggle it will be easy..while im telling u this im also saying to my self..its all depends on the hard first step,, that one step will be a continuous to other steps,, we will make mistakes but thats ok cause we are inexperienced people who are learning..it will be hard but its not impossible. It is never impossible its achievable! Acknowledge you are scared and accept it and believe that you can change it and you will!

    Best of luck for both of us and keep us updated.

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  • Posted

    See what your university has to manage stress. Many have stuff and events for this. Grab a yoga class as well to gain coping skills and well needed breathing skills.
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