i've have been depressed for 4 months lost of my girlfriend now am at breaking point want to take

Paul,

I had the same experience as you have, and have been depressed for some good years. I like to tell you a few things, and I want to be frank with you:

1. Try to deal with your depression. If you need medication, visit a doctor. whenever you have the thoughts of suicide, think of your kid, and his future, how much he needs you, and you deserve to live a life. If you have to change the location you live, or change your job, do so. Always say to yourself:"what do I gain by killing myself?". This world is big enough to have room for you. Take a trip even if financially you lose some money, or your job, its still worth it. So what? Its better than killing yourself. You will be amazed how much joy and opportunities are out there, if you only think positively by taking the first step.

2. As for your girlfriend, you're wise to forget about the past. I had a girlfriend, we loved each other, and she knew I am depressed. A depressed person can sometimes get into arguments easily, though he doesn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, but its out of his control, and girls/women are very sensitive about what they hear. A wrong word said, can hurt their feelings. Thats how they are. So, if they break a relationship, no one can really blame them. But once she is gone, she is really gone. The more you try to go after her, the more she runs away. Let her have her peace of mind. If you really love your ex, think you love her so much that you let her go free. And you never know, its possible that one day she gets back, if you stay away from her life. Always give some depth to what life is really all about.

Paul,  Don't listen to voices in your head, tell them to go away, distract yourself from them. Your son would never forget what you have done if you take your own life. He has lost his mum to death and doesn't want to loose his dad too. Please think about him, the pain will never go away, he will be hurt for the rest of his life. I have told you before about my children losing their father to suicide. We live with it everyday, thou we will never forget. Make a life for him and yourself. Think about the exams he will take, his first girlfriend etc. Your partner cannot come back and I am sorry for that. She would want you and your son to be happy, live your lives. It Is hard, i know. Think of the happy memories you have together. It's early days yet and you are still grieving, it takes time. Continue with the counselling. Ring the samaratians if you need.Keep posting here, we all care and will support you as best we can.

Best wishes.

Elizabeth. 

Paul

Mate; I've been in exactly same Hell. (Engagement breakup.)

There is an Octupus with suckers all over you at the moment. Each one keeps you dragged down and you feel like you cannot get rid of them.

I learned a couple of things, describing in pictures.

1. It is OK to stand back - I chased and made things MUCH worse for me by repeatedly neing involved in hurtful meetings and it was much more awkward for Her.

2. You need time to think - so does She.

3. Councelling is GREAT. . say it out and each time get rid of some of those dammed suckers.

4. Some of the suckers are links between you and Her. Try to get rid of them as they were probably not good for the relationship, and what WAS good, WILL come back.

5. It WILL take time to reset. (me, over 2 years to realise I wasn't going back)

6. The last thing She needs is a guy with an Octupus.

7. If you can, get a statement out of her, even if it is writing. The BEST thing that happened is my Councellor said "Mate you are not Robinson Crusoe, if you don't know where you stand JUST ASK HER" I did and the answer of "Continuing the relationship? Almost certainly not. Sorry" Was sad, but the BEST outcome as I knew where I stood. A lot of pressure / suckers dropped off me and probably off her as well. At that point I started looking forward to a recovery rather than backwards at 'good' but painful memories that dragged me down.

8. See if you can get someone to mentor you. ie talk / say things like "OK where do you stand now this week?" etc.

even one or two emails a week helps to keep your mind from wandering and gives you more focus.

This was bad:

a) I went off on my own and shut down.

b) I was living in the same flat complex as her but tried to keep living there.

c) I kept going back, breaking off then apologising.

I should have become MORE sociable, ie go off to a pub not to drink, but to read the paper, and listen to music, *relax*.

I should have cut off with a "Hey, She, I'm not in a good place at the moment, so I'm going to take time away, but I'm not walking away, just standing back" (tell Her you are not going to be in her face, nor be abandoning Her)

Really hope this practically helps.