I wake up depressed every morning

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I have been dealing with depression for years. I have had some years where the depression subsided and I enjoyed life. However, for the past 7 months I have been really depressed. I cam off of my Celexa medication in June of this year. I did not think the meds really helped anyways. I have had a lot of changes. I moved back in with my folks, who live 5 hours from where I have been living for the past 13 years of my life. I am 35 years old, single, and without children. I am awaiting a decision on a job so I am not currently working. Every morning I wake up and am saddened that the depression washes over me. I would love to wake up and actually feel good about starting my day. But- I just think, "what's the point?" I have very little to do. I had been riding my bike a lot with a bike group, but my knees started giving me trouble. I am in a lot of physical pain so now I am unable to ride. At least the riding gave me something to do and it was a social outlet. I am not suicidal, but I often have the thought that I wish I were dead so I did not have to feel like this every day. Also- when I tried to come off my meds the first time I got a little hypomanic and got a tattoo on my arm which I regret. I have to see it every day. It is one of the first things I think about in the morning.. My mind cannot seem to not focus on it. I wish it was not there, but no amount of wishing is going to make it go away. I feel like the tattoo says something about who I am as a person. I feel self- conscious about it. I feel like when people see it they think poorly of me... like "how could she tattoo her forearm?" I have another tattoo on my arm of a star... it is much smaller and I never regretted it. I have had it for 12 years now. The one I got recently is a heart with a bird that has a banner saying "Mom". I felt the artist did not do a good job with the tattoo.. so it is imperfect. I know my depression is not only about my tattoo... but it is some of where my mind is currently focusing. I have struggled with depression most of my life. Now though I am wondering if I will ever get past it. 

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  • Posted

    I was also on Celexa, citalopram. It made me collapse in a restaurant. I read that it is really bad for your heart so i am looking for an alternative. Also you are not meant to drink on citalopram which sucks becuase i believe it is ok to go out, have a little drink with people and socialize. Onbviously not obsessive drinking though. Anyways yeh i experienced the same things as you. Not being able to focus, this is because of the anxiety, it clouds your judgment. So you seem like you have anxiety too. What i am doing at the moment is going to a doctors. I am going to ask for cognitive behaivoural therapy and also medication. Youtube anxiety disorder and depression. Watch some of the videos that explaing the symptoms, you will be amazed at how many symptoms relate to yours. But best thing to do is tell a doctor. I myself would not goto a doctor for years because i was so anxious and depressed, basically scared but it really does help. You can get your life back on track. it will take time but don't you want to feel happy again? All the best, let us know how you get on.
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  • Posted

    Hi Phatmarisa

    I am so sorry you are feeling so low.  You are right about your tattoo, what's done is done.

    You are still young and there is hope.  Are you in UK or in the USA?  You should see your psychologist and see if your medication could be changed to something more effective and perhaps you could have some counselling, which could be really helpful.

    If you are in the USA and can't afford counselling, EFT may be helpful and it is something that you may be able to do yourself.

    Good luck, it probably feels like you're the only one who feels like you do, but take a look on here, and you will see that you're not.

    Marie

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