I want to die

Posted , 5 users are following.

Well this all started in high school I was bullied about my nose I never told anyone I was so sacred of even talking about it. So I ended up graduating high school at 19 of age and I told my mom I wanted to take a 1 year break but that was all a lie I didn't want to go cause I didn't want to get bullied anymore. I had a job at Winn-Dixie but ended up quiting cause the employees would make fun of my nose. So I spent the year without a job nor college i looked up rhinoplasty on youtube and saw all those people getting there nose done, so I thought to myself this would change my whole life but I don't have money and I can't tell my mom,cause she is taking care of alot of family members that just came to the usa so I can't do anything but wait and i told my mom I had to tell her somthing but I can't tell her I just can't. She's always calling me a bum to go fine a job or go to college but she doesn't have any idea of what I'm going through and it breaks my heart when she tells me that not knowing anything I just want to die I haven't done anything with my life and I can't do anything.

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Sorry if I miss wrote something I was crying while writing this
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  • Posted

    Firstly u need to stop beating yourself up and see the goodness inside, secondly u need to see a doctor who can prescribe something to suppress these feelings and also put u in touch with a Councillor. The best thing I've found is talking to like minded people who are in same boat as me. Take care Bryan there's always someone out there to talk to life is a precious thing and needs to be grasped not thrown away. I'm on a good day today so I don't mean to sound patronising cos I've been down for a while before today as my posts will show.

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  • Posted

    do something to give yourself confidence, borrow the money if you have to. Best to you.
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  • Posted

    Hi,

    It is so easy to get hung up on our appearance to how others see you.You have got a big nose, compared to "normal" people, whoever they are. If that is all that is wrong with you then count your blessings. Put it into perspective, go visit a cancer ward in a hospital , look at people with no nose, or no eyes. It is easy to feel sorry for ourselves. Many years ago I stupidly took an overdose. After my stomach was pumped out I awoke in a ward for terminally ill people, apparently the only bed available. All night I lay awake listening to those poor souls fighting for breath.

    The next morning a doctor asked me in a very loud voice"why did you try to kill yourself". I'very never forgot the look on those people's faces, looking at me in disbelief.

    Your life, and your appearance are yours, accept it, get on with it and look for positive things, or visit a hospital ward.

    Mike

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  • Posted

    Hi Bryan - so sorry to read of your dilemma. Youth is fertile ground for imsecurity and that can be carried with us throughout a life time. In this day and age there is such an emphasis on our appearance and everyone is supposec to "have it all"like Kim Kardashian (I often wonder how she will handle later life when age takes over.)

    Your situation has become debilitating, and I'm sorry you had to suffer at the hands of your peers. Youth can be a cruel place and those making fun of you are not aware of how deeply they have wounded you. Fortunately, there is a simple remedy for your problem, and that is rhinoplasty surgery (one would think they could find a better name for it.) You have researched the process and so are prepared for what is required and what you may expect. The mountain standing in your way is money, which is even more remote because you are low on self-confidence which means you have difficulty finding employment which means you can't save which means...the cycle is vicious and self-defeating.

    First thing to do is to speak to your mum about it. Tell her up front that she must listen and not dismiss you as this is so very important to you. She may not be able to find the funds to help, but with understanding she will valuable in your desired outcome. The second is draft a letter to plastic surgeons in your city/area which describes your situation. Be open, honest and brief. Ask if there is some way you can have the operation - which is one of the most performed operations in plastic surgery - on credit, explaining the insurmountable barrier it has created in your life. There may even be a surgeon who will do it for free. But you won't know if you don't ask. Don't be ashamed or scared to do so. the third possibility is to contact medical schools/universities and offer yourself as a candidate for an operation as a teaching tool. I don't know of anyone who has done this, but it is another avenue you have opened up where someone might know someone who knows someone else who can help you.

    I understand where you are coming from Bryan. You are still young and this problem is not something you can simply "grow" out of, or one that can be psycho-analysed away. Once you have had the op, and the initial evidence has faded (the nose will not assume it's final shape until about 6 months after the op as the swelling of the cartilidge can take that long to settle), you will feel like a new man. Life will be all sunshine and you will be able to put this problem to rest finally and totally. Best of luck to you for your future.

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