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I want to kill myself.

Posted , 14 users are following.

elise666
elise666

I have burned myself in the past on purpose. I tried to drown myself multiple times. They took away my psychologist before I could tell her about this. I am a lesbian and my family doesn't know; if they did they would disown me. I used to talk to my "friends" about the burning, but they just thought I was making it all up. I have to ride the bus to and from school, and everyone there makes fun of me. I only eat one meal a day because the Pearson closest to me said I was way too fat. Iplan to end it all soon. Help if you can.

1 like, 31 replies

31 Replies

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  • elise666
    elise666

    Posted

    Person not Pearson, sorry 
    • paul30710
      paul30710 elise666

      Posted

      Killing yourself wont help matters. Your a lesbian, an with that comes a whole array of problems with parents, but think for a minute....what do u think they would prefer? A gay daughter or one who is no longer around? No daughter to share memories with and laugh an joke with.....its not easy, but tell them exactly what is going through your head with this, you might be surprised x
    • elise666
      elise666 paul30710

      Posted

      I have two older, better siblings. They wouldn't care. They are also major Christians who would never talk to me again because it's what the bible says.
    • Angel91
      Angel91 elise666

      Posted

      I grew up in a house of Jehovah's Witnesses. They are extremely religeous. And I got pregnant outside of marriage when I was just 15. Things were hard for a while.. but they loved me nonetheless.
    • paul30710
      paul30710 elise666

      Posted

      The bible isn't the way. Your siblings maybe 'better' in your eyes, but are they really? I assume neither is gay? Does it matter that they are better to you? You are you, no one can change that, live for what YOU believe in. It might be a rocky road but you can come out the other side with or without them
    • elise666
      elise666 paul30710

      Posted

      My dad used to emotionally abuse both me and my sisters, so I am afraid that my mom will blame my loving girls on that, like she did with everything she deemed "abnormal" about us. 
    • paul30710
      paul30710 elise666

      Posted

      Oh your in a tough situation but there's always a way out. Friends, relatives might help. I don't know but don't think for a second you are alone in all this. I am a father who rarely sees my daughter, this world isn't perfect but hang in there. My daughter means the world to me and even though I cant ser her as much as I want, my love for her is unconditional. Ask your parents or go to someone else, teacher, grandparent maybe
  • Angel91
    Angel91 elise666

    Posted

    Hello darling, I am sorry you are feeling so down! The fact that you have reached out for help tells me you don't really want to kill yourself, which is good. There are a few things you can do to help yourself, and for one of them I will send you a PM.

    Is there anyone you can talk to? If you are feeling really close to the edge, maybe ring Samaritans and talk to them? And I am not sure how old you are but if you are under 18 I think it is you can call Childline for free. There will be people there you can talk to whenever you want.

    Also, are you under the Mental Health Team (or CAMHS)? If so I would speak to your mental health nurse or support worker and let them know how you are feeling. I don't know how old you are but are you on any antidepressants? If you are over 16 it might be worth getting on some (and if you are already on them it might be time for a dose increase or a change of medication). If you are younger, speak to your MH team about maybe going on St Johns Wort.

    You have to understand that your friends probably don't understand the way you feel, so they aren't really the best people to talk to about these things.

    As for your weight, kids say horrible things just to be horrible. I highly doubt you are overweight at all. HOWEVER believe me or not (and you should believe me) eating that little will actually make you fatter. Your body will go into starvation mode and turn everything you eat into fat. To get thinner your best bet is to eat healthy, balanced meals regularly (either three normal size meals a day or up to 6 small meals a day), and do some exercise. It is very important that you keep at a healthy weight though, getting underweight can cause all sorts of health issues.

    As for being a lesbian, are you positive your family wouldn't understand? What makes you feel that way? Is there not anyone you can talk to about it?

    If you are anything like me, you may find writing helpful. It might be worth writing a journal just to get everything out, it helps you sort through it in your head. You can throw away the pages afterwards you don't need to keep them, but just physically writing them out can be helpful.

    Being bullied sucks, and I am sorry you are having to go through it. I know it doesn't help right now but I promise you one thing.. .being bullied makes you strong. But if you are really struggling to cope why not come up with some funny come-backs to what they say. Try to make the other kids laugh at them rather than you? Just be careful that it doesn't make things turn physical.

     

    • elise666
      elise666 Angel91

      Posted

      I'll take your advice on the eating and exercising.

      I'm under 16 and have never been prescribed any form of antidepressant.

      I am positive about my parents not understanding because when I was younger they used to say how terrible homosexuals are on a weekly basis.

      I used to keep a journal but my sisters found the pages in the trash and made fun of me about what I wrote.

    • Angel91
      Angel91 elise666

      Posted

      It might be worth speaking to CAMHS about St Johns Wort. It may help, but it is best to get advice from your MH team before you start it.

      As for your parents not understanding, I am sorry to hear that. But people are wrong when they say you can't choose your family. You can. So focus on making good friends that can become your family, who you can talk to etc. Also you always have us here to talk to, so don't feel alone. There are loads of support groups around that you can talk too as well.

      Please just keep yourself healthy, it will help your mental health. And if you aren't having any form of counselling or therapy maybe you could ask for some? If you are not under the mental health team speak to your GP who can refer you. xxx

    • VauxhallGirl
      VauxhallGirl elise666

      Posted

      I can't really add to anything Angel has said - she has given some very good advice. She is also right about starving yourself - the body goes into "famine mode" and stores up fat in case there isn't a meal coming again for a long time. Just be mindful of sugars and fats and eat sensible food in sensible portion sizes (I find using a smaller plate helps with that).

      As for being a lesbian, interestingly, a good deal of lesbians have either been emotionally or sexually abused by a male member of the family as a child...so, not suprising that they turn to other women for affection. This is a difficult time of your life - from all areas - but there are sites on the net that you can join up to, (annonymously if you wish)  to talk to other lesbians, and get support from them, as you are clearly not going to get any from your own family. Sadly, the homosexual bit in the bible is used way too much....but the parts about slavery, having tatoos and eating pork...or is it shellfish?...are conveniently brushed aside.

      Keep talking to us, and anyone else online who can help, and be assured that as you get a little older, things DO get easier. xx

    • claudia90123
      claudia90123 VauxhallGirl

      Posted

      Lesbians do not turn to other women for affection because they've been abused by men. People are born with their sexual orientation, it's not a choice. You can't become gay because someone is mean to you and you can't un-become gay because someone of the opposite gender has been nice to you. You can't learn gayness from gay teachers, you can't be taught how to be straight. Suggesting that homosexuality is learnt behaviour puts pressure on all people struggling with their sexual identity in society. Please don't propagate the myth. 
    • hypercat
      hypercat claudia90123

      Posted

      Claudie I was going to reply to this myself but you have said everything I was going to say.  I agree 100% with you.  Great reply.  x
    • VauxhallGirl
      VauxhallGirl claudia90123

      Posted

      Oi! Don't jump down my throat, Claudia. I didn't say anything about choice, and I certainly did not suggest that homosexuality can be taught! It is a known FACT that some lesbians were abused by a male member of their family as children. If you are a "Gold Star" lesbian, then good for you, but it is never always as clear cut as that. Some women don't realise they are gay until they have a failed marriage and kids behind them. Or are you saying they are "lesser" people for not knowing from the word Go that they were gay?

      We are supposed to be helping Elise, not getting on your soap box.

    • claudia90123
      claudia90123 VauxhallGirl

      Posted

      Ok. I know this thread is going to be deleted, but I must reply to this. 

      Of course people realise they are gay late in life. I have nowhere made any crticism of any route people take in their lives. Life is extremely complicated.

      However, you did in fact suggest that homosexuality is a choice when you said that some women turn to other women for affection after abuse. You cannot BECOME gay as a result of abuse. There are lesbians who have been abused by men, but there are many more straight women who have been abused by men; there is no causal link. 

      I was trying to help Elise by pointing this out, because it is not helpful to link homosexuality to trauma. Being gay can be a very positive thing, and it is important that it is not seen as a 'broken' sexuality.

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