I want to kill myself.

Oh my darling what an awful time you are having!

If you don't mind me asking, where to you live? Like UK/US/other?

I had so many mental health problems when I was 14 (still do now) so I know a little about the systems in place in the UK to help.

Listen to everyone on here, they've given brilliant advice.

Look, being gay isn't a crime, god and us as a human race are supposed to all love each other unconditionally.

So try and rid yourself of that self hatred, easier said than done I know.

Also the weight thing... When I was 14 I thought I was fat. People told me I was. Looking back now I 100% was not fat, but it led me to adopt certain negative relationships with my body and food.

You do not need to add up your strife by worrying about that, I'm sure you are beautiful, and the people in your life should be telling you that. Those that don't, tough luck to them! You are you!

You don't need to change your sexuality or size for anyone.

Do what's best for you my lovely. We all love and care for you...

Tell us more about you.

Is there anything you like or enjoy? Anybody any where you feel you can trust enough to talk to?

What support are you getting medically?

You take care my lovely, there is a way out of this darkness you are feeling, we will all help you as best we can.

Stay strong and keep on being you, that's all anyone can ask of you.

xxx

Hello elise, I'm not going to give reames of advice or wisdom, every one else has given you great feedback All I can suggest and have suggested this to hundreds of people who try to mutilate their bodies, not by just thinking of it but actually doing in the most horrendous way. I have seen beautifull women who have self harmed and have cut into them selves with all sorts of objects. It is a very difficult problem to treat ie self harm including attempted suicide.

The only piece of advice is for you to put two elastic bands loosly around your wrist and when you feel the urge to self harm, get hold of the bands on the under side of the wrist and pull them out about 2 inches 3-4 cm and let go. The sensation you will feel is the same as you would if you self harmed. Do it also if you have a severe ANXIETY attack, it will stop you in your tracks and allow you to think about ways that you could cope better with your feelings of doom and gloom.

I am coming from a different perspective. I myself did have a severe mental health problem in the past for many years but as I learned how to cope with extraordinary things my feers went away never to return. I just shout at them now and I feel better or I laugh and laugh until I begin to cry. Learn to do things your way. I have said this many times on this forum. Only you can change the way you feel. All the drugs and talking therapies will not work unless you are willing to change someting in your life. Just on thing. Set a lealistic goal that you can achieve, once you have completed that goal you will feel happy that you have completed that goal. Then continue to make larger goals but only do one at a time, don't try to go the whole hog. Best regards and good luck Peter.

Hi Elise,

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I know that when you're young what your parents think of you is the most important thing to you, because they love you and you love them and want to make them proud. Sometimes, though, parents get things wrong and you can't be as close to them as you want to, and you can't get the support and acceptance you should be getting from them. You can try to change their minds, but I fear that if they are as strongly religious as you say, it might just end up with you feeling more rejected. That is not to say that they won't ever change their minds - I think it's extremely probable that they will come to terms with it after a while - but it can take time, and I think you need to meet some people for whom being gay isn't a terrible thing, so that you feel better about yourself immediately. 

Your world is quite small at the moment, and you have a limited number of people to look up to, and whose opinion of you you value. That will change as you grow up and find your place in life and what your parents think of you will start to be put into perspective beside all the wonderful people who come to love you, but I can understand that that feels a long way away right now. The important thing is not to blame yourself for not measuring up to what your parents are expecting from you because sometimes those expectations just can't be met. You can't change your orientation any more than your eye colour. 

Now, the good news. Being a lesbian can be great. There are things that gay people experience that straight people never will, like the feeling of really belonging to a community which is supportive and fun and extends all over the world. There are Pride events in lots of different cities, which can be hilarious and welcoming and all about YOU and many gay people like more than Christmas. The first time you go to a Pride and see thousands of people like you, who are normally invisible in society, coming together to celebrate you realise you are far from alone. You've got so much to look forward to, it's just not very easy to see from where you are.

I would recommend you look on the internet for young people's LGBT support groups in your area and meet people who can give you advice and help you make gay friends and start feeling more accepted and having fun. Some of them will have come from where you are now, so they'll understand everything you're feeling. There's no harm in having a section of your life which is separate from your parents until you're completely ready to tell them. Quite often, when you have external support, and feel a bit more confident it can make your relationship with your parents better in other areas, and if you look sure of yourself when you tell them, they will be less likely to risk losing you by responding negatively. I (and you) may be mis-judging them and you might find that they only want you to be happy, but family dynamics can be complex so this is a good way to start. 

I hope you find some gay friends soon, it will be a huge relief, I promise. 

Hi elise what an awful time in your life and you have my emphathy.  I too was bullied at school and made fun of.  I had no friends and I was overweight,  spotty and wore glasses.   But your schooldays while they seem endless will end one day and things will get better for you - I promise.   They did for me.  They do for everyone. 

But you do need to talk to someone about all this.  Do you have a school counsellor or a trusted teacher?   You are not alone.   Stay with us here and we will help and support you all we can.   If we had had the internet when I was your age I would have been on it too!    x

I've been through a very similar situation, where I felt so helpless that I even told my parents, please don't be rough to me cuz I was weak and I would kill myself. They didn't take it as real, they though I just wanted to justify for my bad school results. At that point I got a little angry with myself. I said why the hell am I counting on anyone. Still whatever I say to them, they will not understand. You see... people have a stupid "skill". Which is to be very smart and know everything and why everything happens. They dont need more than a second to know you, even if they see you for the first time. But you should ignore these kinds of people. They are stupid, but not bad people believe it or not. They feel very inconfident and insecure, that they think, if they put you down and make you feel bad, they will be higher than you. It happens automatically in their brains without even them understanding. So even if its for good, even if its for bad, I think u should abbandon appreciation from others, and instead look forward to have a good time with them. Don't look at people as judges, look at them as friends. Because if we wanted we could be friends with everybody, even with the devil :P So please find your source of energy in the life inside you, not in the living death inside others. Im telling you they feel like you too, in one way or another, they just mask it so well they dont even recognise it. You my friend have decided to be true and not fake, and you should continue doing that, but this time step it up. Be an example for those people that dont understand, bring some life into them too. If they are mean to you, now you know that they dont even know what they are doing. So that should not make you sad anymore

Look you aint going nowhere ok :D I am planning to create a huge organisation, to remove all the "negatives" planted to our minds, without us knowing. Which make us depressed. And I want you to witness it and be proud of being true :D

People that are depressed usually, are seen as weak, but no we are the strongest one to have resisted to the brainwashes of the propaganda that intents to give power to just some people and others be slaves, and we should not surrender, but make that last step to the top, break into the ice, and meet freedom

Elise, I dont know where you live in the world, but please understand that in many places being a lesbian is seen as normal and unquestioned by society.

I actually am not a lesbian but because me and my best friend were so close at school, people used to taunt us because they thought we were. In a school environment these things tend to happen unfortunately, because people who are not mature are sadly very quick to pick on anything they can about someone, if they are the sort of people who like to make other people uncomfortable.

My son goes to college here in the UK. He is 18. When he started at his current college he was 16, and there were girls in his class who said they were gay or bisexual from the word go, and it was simply not considered acceptable to NOT respect them because of this. Indeed they were proud of it, and its considered 'uncool' by everyone else at college not to think its OK.

Gay people marry now, - here in the UK, a gay woman - who I actually went to school with - really - I'm not kidding - used to be a government minister, and is still an MP.

You dont have to put up with the small minded people who are around you for very long. With youre whole life ahead of you, you have everything to live for, and things will get alot better.  In the meantime, try to get support from people or organisations that other contributors here have mentioned.

Lots of Luck.

Hey Elise, Trust me you dont wanna kill yourself I've been dead twice and revived from overdose's I was very messed up from drug addiction and the second time my father revived me and cried like a baby i saw the light and found help and I'm glad I did it wouldnt have benefited kiling myself I'm sure of that now! You have a lot to live for!! lesbian well in todays times its considered very normal your parenst may not like it or understand however like Angel said they will grow to accept but killing yourself you will never know? please reconsider trust me you dont want to end it!

The world is full of idiots. You are above them spiritually and intellectually.

These same fools may be giving you a hard time now but it'll all pass and you can look back at this moment that made you even stronger. Your "friends" don't sound like they are actual friends. I know, I've lost many friends over the years. I use the word "friend" sparingly now.

But you have to remain true to your soul and yourself. You're a lesbian? Big deal, that's who you are. If they can't accept it, they're not worth your time.

Best of luck

Hi elise

We all care about you and you are so young with lots ahead of you. You do't know how your life will be in 10 years.

I mean socialize and as for work could you do a voluntary job at the weekends. It helps you take your mind off things and you meet nice positive people.

I would either hide it from them and just be one or tell them. I don't know if they're that bad but if they're who are they to do anything? Just have fun with tour friends id you have any!

Those "friends" and not friendly at all. I'm so so sorry but they are jerks. You have to dorget about them. They don't have much intelligence. I assume you have a Lot still a head of you. I'm similar to you. Im a few years away from leaving my family. Hang in tjere. Then you'll meet some real people (why can't you meet thrm already?) And then you'll realize these stuff doesn't matter. Real people wouldn't care if you're trans. Lesbian. Dinosaur or anything

And as you're a girl I tell you you're not fat school is ridiculous everybody is considered fat there. And again. What's bad about having a soft pillow down there :? As long as youre not obese (calculate your bmi) don't worry. Don't let them change. You. They're brain dead zombies. Not by choice sadly. Many of them havr lofe problems themselves.

Just hang in there. And for God's sake find some decent prople on the internet or real life. Stick eith them untul you finish school! Or maybe even trll someone about them taking your therapist away? I don't know where you live butI assume maybe even the police can help?

A person's weight is 5? of their personality. I know maby women who would perfer kind hearted and good women over "hot" women with "good" bodied (ehm me...)

And what's the worst that can happen? They ll didoen you? (I doubt it) is that worse then death? Don't take it too seriously. Be happy. Have some nice people around to remain sane . You only live once ( I assume -) so you might aswell try it! You have to show. Life who's the bods! Life looks scary but when stand for yourself it will look a lot less scary. And stand to thosr bullies. You might be surprised how insecure and easily can be dealt with! Tell them (I might be I don't care I have a life) or my best method. Try to give logical answers whenever thry make fun of you. If people ever told mr: you look stupid. I said: is stupid really a look? If that is thanks for your notice. I can't help it! A month later i was. No longer thr fav student to bully and nobody cared sometimes life makes you mad. But you're creating your own hell! Break free! It's ok.

My older sister is a lesbian, she too self harmed. But now she is happy living with a partner. She 'came out' many years ago, and much to her surpise, My Mum and Dad (very old fashioned) were and glad supportive.Not all parents are like that of course. Please keep talking. I myself have mutiple problems, depression, anxietey, alcoholism.I am 61 years old lonely. I was married for 25 years, my wife divorced me. But I am still here, and I find when I go out, usually I will meet someone to chat with. Are you on antidepssants? I am. If yours don't work, see your GP and ask for more help, they can can change your medication until they find on that suits you. Best wishes to you.  .