I was doing so well

Posted , 2 users are following.

I took a turn for the worse and was the worst I had ever been for about 2 weeks then I broke up for half term which was a week long I wasn't home much and was doing a lot better I started to feel normal again got my appetite back put on some weight went back to eating more than one meal a day, now school starts again tomorrow and I can feel myself slipping back into a depressive state I already feel physically sick and am very anxious as I didn't manage to catch up on school work(mainly because I wasn't home often) in so annoyed at myself because I was coping I was doing so well and I can already feel this creeping back up on me

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  • Posted

    Katie, I know exactly how you feel. I'm 16 and have depression and I feel that way every time I wake up in the morning but I promise you, once you're there, things aren't as bad as they seem. If you have friends you can trust and if you're ambitious enough, you'll do well, no matter what. Keep fighting. Every day might seem like a battle but it does get better do you see a counsellor? If not, I highly recommend seeing one. I see a crisis counsellor in my school and it feels good to talk to someone who doesn't know anything about you and to rant and actually get helpful advice in return. Don't let depression win, be proactive in getting better and face the day head on for as long as you have to. Hope things go okay for you, Katie
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    • Posted

      I heather I can't tell you how nice it is to have someone on this forum around my age. No I haven't seeked help I'm too scared to speak to my doctor and I don't trust anyone at the school. Regardless of if its a school counseler nothing is confidential and the thought of everyone knowing scares me. I know it won't be as bad as ive built it up in my head but im so far behind in art specifically and despite having a week off I really haven't done anything which in retrospect I should have but I wasn't motivated to I just wanted to spend time on me for once. And If I'm honest I'd rather have them yell at me and think I'm not doing work than tell them that I'm depressed. I do want to try my hardest and push through but it's so hard when it's never good enough and they check my book every lesson I wish they wouldn't I can see how much of a disappointment I am already I don't need reminding of it 24/7
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    • Posted

      I know that feeling all too well. When I was first diagnosed, I didn't want anyone knowing about it because in all honesty, I was definitely ashamed of my illness. However after finally opening up about after about a year and a half, I finally realised that in order to get better, I NEEDED to get help. My GP referred me to a crisis counsellor in my school. The thing about crisis counselling is that it doesn't go on your medical record and is kept confidential. They can't disclose anything with the actual school if you don't want them to. If you build the confidence, I'd suggest speaking to your school nurse as that's what got me started. Now, I'm trying to help people like myself who have had a hard time admitting there was a problem and getting help for it. I'd hate for something to happen to you without you discussing it with someone, even if it's just a friend that you trust.

      Now, the school thing is probably going to always be an issue, I do that all the time, even though I know that I shouldn't 😂 you were right to spend time on yourself, however, you can't abandon school work completely if it's something you need to do well. School work is something you just have to buckle down and get done, unfortunately. Hope you're doing better, Katie smile

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    • Posted

      Thank you heather, I don't know what's stopping me from getting help in all honestly. I went through periods of where I had months of feeling like my old self so I feel that I'm justt waiting for that to come back around.

      Yeah the school thing really has become an issue now but I felt good today and motivated to get work done. Until one teacher who just day in day out belittles me and makes me feel stupid accuses me of being a liar made me loose all motivation. I just don't know how to explain to people that it's so emotionally exhausting to drag myself out of bed in the morning to have the same routine and constantly feel and be told that I'm not good enough. Some days it's such a struggle leave my bed that I jusst want to curl into a ball and wish it all away. But then I go to school and am yelled at and stomped on that when I get home I cant emotionally bring myself to do more work. Because what's the point in living life if this is all its ever going to amount to. That I just want to sleep and escape I'm not lazy and I do care but I just can't do it anymore. That I'm not sad and don't cry all the time and I may seem 'fine' but I feel like all of my feelings have been ripped out I just feel empty constantly. How do you explain that to someone.

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  • Posted

    Katie, you seem to be ashamed of being depressed. Please don't be. Perhaps depression isn't something accepted within your family. I know there are plenty of ill informed people who think it's something you can just pull yourself out of. It's not. I experienced a major depression when I left school at 17, but it had been building for some time. I had always done well right up to my last two years when things began to fall apart. But that was because I was struggling and didn't tell anyone. Nobody questioned why a bright girl with good grades suddenly began underacheiving. I wish to this day that someone had helped me. I should have done so much more with my life. 

    But I never got help. Not even when I was seriously depressed. I just carried on. But it has been a struggle. I did manage to get to Uni after doing a college course, but even there I only scraped through, and it wasn't even a course I had really wanted to do. I've never used my degree.

    Please don't make the same mistake I did Katie. I'm 40 now and it's too late to turn back the clock. 

    There is nothing to be ashamed of. Depression can hit anyone, anytime. Regardless of who they are or how good their life is. It's a real illness. It isn't imagined. Your doctor will see people all the time with depression. Of ALL ages. Please make an appointment. Be kind to yourself Katie and ask for help.

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    • Posted

      It's not that I'm ashamed it's that I can't understand the illness myself I have no underlining reason as to why I'm suffering so if I can't even understand it how can anyone else, I want help I can't tell you how badly I want to speak to a medical professional but I'm just scared of being told I'm overreacting.

      I feel as if most people aren't widely accepting my school recently gave an assembly on depression and they completely undermined it, made it seem as if everyone has it and it's just feeling a bit sad.

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    • Posted

      Hi Katie, I'm sorry your school has given that impression. That is completely the wrong message to be giving out. They do sound useless, so I guess you can forget going to them for help.

      It really doesn't matter if you can't understand why you feel like this Katie. Sometimes there aren't any straightforward answers to this question. The important thing for you to consider is that how you are feeling is obviously causing you distress and having a negative impact on your life. That is serious and should not be ignored.

      Don't get too caught up on the why's. I will urge you again to go to your doctor and explain as clearly as you can to them exactly how it is. That you have been feeling like this for quite a long time now. That you don't really know why, but it is upsetting you. That it is having a negative impact on your school work. That you have tried to tell your parents but they brushed it off. That you are feeling lost and don't know what to do. Tell your doctor all those things, and if they are good at their job they will not ignore you.

      Please make that appointment Katie. Or if you really can't bear to just yet, then how about phoning a helpline? Or if not that, then there are websites such as Mind and Youngminds which can give you information on depression in people your age. I am assuming you are in the uk? 

      I'd hate to think you are suffering in silence. I did. You are not overreacting. Not when it is having a detrimental affect on your life. 

      Please speak to your doctor so that you can begin to get control over your life and start looking forward to the rest of it.

      Mari xxx

       

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