I would like to make some friends

I would be happy to become your friend,im still on fluoxetine,have been on it since april and am now on 40mg a day plus diazepam,ive officially become a junkie! There are lots of people in the same position and it does help to know you're not alone.Ive found some comfort in reading other peoples posts so i know how you feel.take care and let me know how you are doing,vanessa.

Hi Vanessa

Lovely to hear from and so close to me as well I am in Herefordshire - I had 40mg too before I realised they made me so much worse - I have felt so much better since the doctor weened me off .... still have really low days and awful thoughts but at least my heart is not racing and I dont miss the seaty underarms - i feel better and look better as well - its lovely to talk to someone who understands depression - most of the time i think im all on my own feeling like this - I have loads of self helf books and I know excercise is good too - however I have always hated excercise - yuk !!!! i always got a letter from mu mum to skip sports day - lol - im 37 by the way married in a job with two step children - im hoping that this weekend will be nice and i will have plenty to keep my occupied xx i cant wait to hear from you and let me know more about your expeiences x - I had diazapam as well !!! that conteracts the anxiety

Hi,i was married,my husband,now ex,left when my son was 18 months old,that was the first time i wag on prozac,but it seemed to work so much better for me then,maybe because i was younger,im 39 now.After that i became depressed over the years but tried to manage without any medication.When my son was nearly 3 i met someone else and we were together for 9 years until he left 4 months ago,hebce the fluoxetine and diazepam.Its hit me very hard im afraid,i miss him very much and havent been able to cope with my feelings.Im at home but starting a new admin course in september in a nearby hospital.Im hoping for a busy weekend also,lets hope we see some sun! vanessa

Hi Vanessa - it was lovely to get your message - I hope you had a good weekend - well the best it can get for the moment at any least - I enjoyed the weather and actually enjoyed everything that I did over the weekend - nothing exciting just cleaning and everyday chores but at least i wasnt questioning everything and being a general wreck - yesterdya was a loveky day too - but im finding the wrost side of this hot weather is that I cant sleep at night - Are you !!! perhaps it will be cooler tonight -0 yesterday we had a huge thunder storm - it was quite impressive to watch - ill log on at various points today to see if you have replied. Im sorry that you partner has left you - most men are very selfish at times ... you put all your trust in them and then they see soemthing else and go there .... its happenend to me as well - im the most distrutful person ever- I always think people have hidden agendas - its not a good feeling to have - lets hope we can catch up through the day - thinking of you .

Hi Tia,glad your weekend didnt go too badly,mine was nice and busy,prefer getting out of the house so that im not able to brood so much.Took my son to see Batman on saturday evening,thats love for you! Im going to stay with my sister in Liverpool on saturday,probably come home the following thursday or friday.Im really looking forward to going,my son will have his cousins to play with and i can cry on my sisters shoulder,she'll be glad to get rid of me by the time we come home! Today hasnt been as good as the last few days,been feeling a bit tearful but havent succumbed yet,maybe later when my son goes to bed.I dont think i'll ever trust another man again,there seems no point when i just end up getting hurt all the time.I want to hate him but i cant,i just miss him and pray he comes to his senses.I can dream! looking forward to hearing from you,Vanessa.

Hi Vanessa

Lovely to hear from you again so soon - how fab seeing Batman - was it any good ! i havnt been to the cinema for ages now - we only have 1 screen where i live - you need to travel to glos or worcester for the big screens - im glad you managed to keep busy and i know what that feels like when you are somewhere that just reminds you of the person - I do understand how you feel - i often wish i could go back in time to when i thought i was happy just to revisit that feeling - it seems like a long time ago that i felt any happeniess - i either feel numb or i cry - i cry a lot just to get rid of the frustration - i hate crying though as i feel its weak but i feel better after .... i usually go and do it somewhere evry quietly ......- Liverpool sounds nice - i have been there a few times - i dont have any sisters or brothers - i bet thats nice to have someone to talk to .....im just at work but ill leave another post in my lunch hour - bah its dismal weather here today - we have been spoilt the last few days .......x

Hi,yes,my sister has been great listening to me,probably repeating myself over and over again.She's lived in Liverpool for nearly 12 years,i miss her like mad but we talk on the phone every day and often meet up in Newtown,which is halfway for us both,in school holidays.I have some very supportive friends also,one in particular who i went to school with.She's married with 2 children but she always finds time to talk to me or insist on getting me out of the house.went back to the doctors today for some more diazepam,she did give it to me but was very reluctant.how long were you on it? You dont take anything at all now? I long for the day that i can function without any pills,i wont hold my breath though! Staying in today,the weather is horrible.My son is swim training tonight,he trains 10 hours a week,so i'll be stuck in a leisure centre for 2 hours.my life is so exciting!

Hi Vanessa,

yep weather here is horrible too - worse today and its so hot - its not very good at night is it - i have dreadful trouble sleeping .... heat just aggrevates it - no i am drug free at the moment - i was on fluoxetine 40mg and diazepam and knock out sleeping tablets - i liked the sleeping tablets as i got to sleep however i hated the anti depressants they made me feel worse.... the black cloud was 10 times worse and the monster inside me as i like to refer to it felt it was dragging me under - its not really a monster its just that gripping feeling of total blackness that can bring you to your knees and that horrible tight band around your heart pulling tighter all the time - so my doctor to alivate the anxiety gave me diazepam- as you know one of the side effects of fluoxetine is anxiety - i was on them about 12 weeks in all maybe just less but the doctor weaned me off as he thought and so did i was worse on them ... so im still depressed but just drug free and i feel better for not having them and i can promise you one day you will feel better as well !! its just a long road - im feel slightly shortchanged in lefr that I am the 1 in 4 statistic that has suffered and will suffer depression ..... how i long to be one of the other 3 that dont - lol xxxx i know how you feel and until you speak to people they really dont understand unless experiencing it themselves- how was swim training last night - it might not be exciting but at least you are getting out !!!! thats a massive step .... sometimes when im bad im too scared to go out .... how about that - however tonight I am - im going to the town hall to the let there be light !!! its a spiritualist meeting - its fun i go with friends and it passes some time - I however am skeptical as I am with most things !!! what arew you doing tonight when are you off to your sisters ,,,,, dont worry about repeating yourself the more you talk the easier it becomes x

Hi Vanessa

Justa quick note to you to wish you a lovely weekend with your sister in Liverpool - my friend is coming to stay with me for the weekend and Im really excited about it - i had a good time last night at the spiritualist church - my best friend who died 3 months ago left me a lovely message .... thats one of the reasons ive been suffering with depression - i had pnemonia and lost my best friend in the same week ...... any way lets hope yours and mu weekend is so much better than some of our recnet days

thinking of you - respond when you can

Tia

Hi Tia,going to my sisters tomorrow but im very disorganised so who knows what time we'll actually leave! Im so sorry to hear about your friend,i dont know what id do if i didnt have my best friend so it must be awful for you to have lost her.My parents live very close to me,seemed like a good idea to buy a house so near at the time,turns out,its not! I see my mother every day and she doesnt have a clue what im going through,she knows about the prozac but not that its been doubled or that im taking diazepam,my sister knows,but she just feels helpless because we live so far apart.My son was in the Welsh Nationals earlier on today,its a very big swimming competion down here,and he won! He had to swim 200m medley in an olympic sized pool,today i smiled and felt genuinely happy,came back down to earth though,which is a shame.I hope you enjoy having a friend to stay this weekend,we've both got something to look forward to.If i can use my sisters computer when im there i'll email you,but if not i'll do it as soon as im home.Be thinking of you x Vanessa

Hello Tia, Yes I would like to become your friend I say friends are very important in this world of to-day and even more so when you are ill. I did start to take Fluextine by my God they made me feel terrible , in fact I still feel very very sick and faint ll the time, I do so hope that it goes off soon you see I m a coward at not feeling well, but I suppose tht must come with age, nowadays I really think tht I can't go on much longer ,but perhap you won't recognise that as you are probably a lot younger thatn me, I m 73, and death terries me so - I hope you don't think I am silly, but I just can't help it. I hope that you are feeling better, adn can cope a bit more, I come on this site most days so I will look out for you, and I will write you a little note, perhap we both can get thru this by talking to one another. Take care annjisann.

Hello there.I have been fluoxetine at the moment it doest seem to be helping me but I have to keep trying.I dont know what brought on my depression or maybe I do.I paid a visit to the area where I used to live I felt I had to do this because i wasnt going to live much longer when I arrived I wasso disapointed because it was where I had spent my childhood I was very happy there and I think from that moment on I became very sad.I honestly dont think that anybody who has not been depressed can really understand what it is like.I do have suicidal thoughts which at times overwhelm me.

I want new friends! I know exactly what you mean about people not understanding depression. You mean you visited the place you grew up in because you were planning suicide? I've been wondering if suicide is the answer. Are you having thoughts currently? Anyways, hope to talk to you soon :-)

Hi jem and Jill lovely of you to get in touch pls hold on both of you - I am a recovered depressive - having had 3 depressions which i have beat three times - I am so happy now and I knwo its possible to pull through and be happy - I no longer take tablets and life is great - I have felt at each period terrible and suicidal but I have always come out the other side - pls get in touch again soon

Hi Tia, I've posted elsewhere on here too, but to cut a long story short...I've never suffered from depression to this extent before. I've worked 18 years of my life and this is the first time I've taken time off for depression. I hate it, but almost don't want to get better if that makes sense, like it would be easy to give up now. I'm having waves of hopelessness and then waves of hopefulness. I feel that because I'm having time of that my future is doomed with my current employer, tho they have been understanding, very. I have big self esteem issues and never defend myself = no self respect therefore no respect from others. I think my job is the cause of my depression, but maybe the foundation of it all is low self esteem?? I don't know if I'm going to get better, at the moment I think not. I'd love to just hibernate forever.

Thanks for asking and listening :-)

Jemima