If you were the floor, id would be the rug!

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If i was a flower, growin wild and free. id want you to be my honey bee, if you wer a river in the mountailns tall, if you wer a kiss, id want to be a hug, if you were the wood, id be the fire, all i wantr is you (mouth organ drill). Hold me in your ARMS AND SWAY ME LIKE THE SEA, if you were the river and the mountains cooked, Id want to hold your hands, If i could you were the ocean, Id learn to float. Hold me in your arms , and sway me like the sea.

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  • Posted

    Pick an tell?\" How insensitve can i get? eaten alone, feel sick , wannae go home, but no home exists, oh nevermind, i am trying, drug free, just cant see.
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  • Posted

    My advice to you lot....listen to happy music :D Me happy, and its great. Forgotten how good I can feel, hope I dont fall, Take care all of you. Just like to note as well been on this site for nearly a year, its been hard, and I am sure i will have some low points again, but its good to feel happpy FINAALLY.....may it continus

    Bless you all, god bless.

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  • Posted

    My tiny tears doll was called Sally by the way.......Aunt sally....any recollectionts there.....huh Worzel?

    Anyway, do not know what to do, no drugs and feel c*****! Someone help!!! PLease

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  • Posted

    Hi Katy, well been reading your posts and mate u seem to b going thru the mill, i cant give advice , all i can say is ???? dunno, mate, been off tabs now for 4 weeks ?? lost count, on my own for a week , house free, i just feel full of self pity and wanna cry, welled up couple of times but only odd tear rolled out ??? im not breaking down but im looking in that mirror again staring into my eyes hating what i see ? had a few pints now??? ..... is this my life now?? all on my own? talking to kids on the phone? had too much to drink, gotta get my grip back, i do feel stronger menatally but prone to these dull spots and self pity ?? thought bout xmas today, what am i on? nothing? just dreading it already, well it seems im having a low time? be ok in morn i hope, im 31 and feeling old tonight, old in life terms like for crying out loud give me a break, what the hell??? head in hands, 1 finger typing??? just no fire burning anymore at the mo, night to all , ja x
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  • Posted

    Hi ja, Ive had enough of taking a pill to make me feel better, come to n e conclusion I am a maniac, hyper one minute and low the next. If I could just stay hyper forever , thatd be great. Like you I am going cold turkey, cant be bothered with the dizziness and the worry , questioning whether or not I should be taking this stuff in the first place. ja, youve been doing so well, and I think, (me the novice) That you have been through a lot over the last year. huge life changes , and you are bound to feel the highs and lows....Ihave decided to put a pair of boxing gloves and give it my best shot. Youve been very brave and you are certainly a decent young man. my partner want go for fear of leaving his children with me \" :lol: \"the looney\".

    This is what I think......just you carry on thinking that....and Ill ship you off to the docs, Iron his wrikles out and erm just leave. I have to enjoy the next few days. As I will be awy over the next few days. My guess is its the best time for me to do this, My mum will be around to help and my family. They know that my partner is a bit :twisted: :roll: I told my mum everything on Friday, (well almost everything) She was shocked, poor woman. Shes had some week, not only did a car rol into her car, but the following day she bumped into someone else :lol: I dont know how shes not cracked. Antway, ja chin up and remeber you are very decent kind young man, with a good head on your shoulders. It will get better, huh I hope. Every cloud MUST have a linning. (Not so sure my tummy does right enough). But take care of you, keep in touch.katy

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  • Posted

    ITsja, how are you? seems like the bad moment has caught up with you again, it will happen every now and then. I thought I was getting thru it all okay but sometimes a memory will come back and then you are fighting the Beast all over again. Its the way it will go mate IM afraid. There is no set answer how to deal with it.........if there was life would be simple and someone would be making a fortune. Have you any close friends who understand what you are going through and how it affects you? If u have then go and take up some of there time........thats what good friends are there for.?
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  • Posted

    LIS,

    I have some serious great mates who i can talk to at the drop of the hat, sometimes though i feel like a broken record keep drumming on about my bloody life , i got up this morning, felt a bit bleary to tell the truth and i cant just seem to shake off this fkat feeling today, LIS, i am so much better than i was say 6 months ago, i think the alcohol made me emotional last night, but hey all i want id for my life to move on, get my own place and independance and be me again. Its bizarre, sometimes i can be so positive , now all i can see is gloom, like it will never happen to me and that im stuck whilst the ex carries on like nornal. I dont give a flying fook about her now, on my kids lives, just that she has the house and kids , and is such a p*ss taker !!! i dont ask much, just want to sell house, buy new flat and get on with my new life but i cant, im not going away this year, god knows when i ever will? just not looking forward to anything, i dont want my past life back with her, i love the idea of having my lovely kids and home again but not her, i just feel like screaming in fustration and anger, better shoot now, nearly home time , take care all.

    ja

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  • Posted

    Well here goes my nightly post b4 bedtime, had a truly sh*t day, played football tonight and my head was away with the fairies, drove home, kids called whilst driving, spoke to em and after call just cried all the way home, feeling really emotional all of a sudden, just dunno why im feeling like this? i refuse to go back on tablets , i wont be beaten, refuse to.......

    why do i feel like this , nothing in my life is different to it was 2 weeks ago yet i feel so f ing sh*t, i feel myself staring into the oblivion quite often, just feel like drinking and drinking tonight, i wont but believe me i could so so easily, just numbs that sh*t feeling........ i really thought i was fixed upstairs at least for a while, im waking up feeling like sh*t having this awful stare on my face that i cant bring myself to change? If I never had kids i would just fook off abroad and see what happens? im just so effed off with my life, f ing hate it, dunno what more to say, cant even b bothered to type on here, night all

    ja

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  • Posted

    HIya ja, its natural mate to feel so upset after listening to your childrens voices. I went through a stage of not picking up the fone to mine so that I wouldnt feel the pain, you will get over it, it doesnt just happen like that mate it will come when it comes.

    I thought the same as you when my 1st marriage ended, I stayed here because I didnt want to leave my kids, but thinking back I missed so many chances to work abroad.........I remember my ex MIL saying to her kids........when you are all grown up and left home I will still be left on my own. So now in this 2nd bout of divorce etc I try to think of me at times and the fact that I also must have a life, as lonely as it is at times........I adore my little daughter (11 going on 21 u know what I mean) and it hurts every time I have to send her home but like me you will feel better eventually...there is no time limit on pain in the heart and mind......just keep going for your kids mate........

    ITs a pity theres no chat room on here then we could all congregate......and mumble

    TAKE CARE M8

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  • Posted

    JA, hold tight mate. You're doing great. Going cold turkey on the citalopram and pulling your life together. I wish I had the resolve that you have. There's bound to be low times with what you've been through and are still going through (unfortunately) but keep trying to be strong.

    It's totally understandable that you felt emotional after hearing your children. You'd have to be made of stone not to. You love them and are not with them as much as you'd want.

    Don't be tough with yourself and it's not failure to speak to your GP if you need support. Keep letting us know how you're doing.

    Best regards.

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  • Posted

    LIS and Stilman, thanks for your kind messages, the strange thing is that its been nearly 9 months now and I thought i had sort of got my head around accepting the situation with my kids. I still think alot as usual , this week i have been staying on my own, parents away, elements i love , but it allows me so much time to think, i still yearn to have my own place so much but 1 thing is that u do get so much time to think. What I have felt this week is really a microcosm of my life, 1 thing goes wrong and i think my whole world is falling in, i know i have been drinking more than usual lately, probably just to get some sleep and i know this is not the way to go.

    I feel that I am able to get my life back on track and only a few pieces of the jigsaw need completing, number 1 house selling and getting my own place , also i do worry that i will be lonely, i have a great set of mates and super family but and i hate saying it i miss being part of a couple? not the ex at all, i sincereky mean that, but i miss just going shopping weekends, just doing things couples do, its scary that i will be on my own for ever? its just my mind and the way i think compounding everything as usual. I know i have been through alot but hey, soem blokes have come off alot worse than me and havent had the support ive had and they seem to get through it, a couple of weeks ago i felt great, just going through a flat spot, even now, i know i will go home tonight , be on my own and think as usual........ life just seems so empty at the moment. I have my kids tomorrow and thursday night, they will lift me alot, cant wait to seem em. At work so had better go, once again tks for all kind words.

    ja

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  • Posted

    Well Ja, Ive just gpt back from my weekend in my mates hse to read your post and to see your really happy again. Thats little girls for you, they have a way with words that is better than anything. MIne is 11 and wants to paint all my flat and wants me to sort her a bed instead of her taking mine while i kip on the settee.....I ALWAYS SAID TO MINE no matter where you are and what ever you are doing in your lives I will always be here whenever you need me.....so even if they dont see u that much, they know u are there.....KEEP SMILING KID chin up

    LIS :lol:

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  • Posted

    :shock: Hey folks, back to boring old. Burnt . blistered , had drugs binned by other family members. Feel crap....want to go back on plane and fly away again.

    Awesome holiday. I wouls recommend the sun to any of you at any time. Shame about the blisters. Was sitting in the aircraft and wondered what all the wet stuff was running down my collar bone :lol: :oops: my blisters burst due to the air perseesure, but hey landed safely, with the engine cracking down and air turbulance, nut I found this somewhat amusing 8)

    Nothing changed here. Dont know what to do about meds as I have not had anby for 7/6 days . Not slept and a crabby b****.

    :shock: Cant believe I am home....did I blink?

    Ja , good to hear you are more upbeat agaain. Take care, katy

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